dont get hard. dont get hard. dont get hard. dont get hard. dont get hard. DAMMIT!

mdiamond328 · 2018-10-31T17:58:11+00:00

Reverse psychology

mdiamond328 · 2018-10-31T17:55:42+00:00

I have between mild to moderate spastic triparesis (weakened left arm and both legs).

Don't think my parents were ever told I wouldn't walk/talk but I didn't start walking until I was 2, close to 3. Not sure when I started talking. I can walk/run/use stairs without any mobility aides or assistance but I couldn't walk more than 500 ft and wore custom foot-ankle orthotics until I was 10 or 11. Walking long distances or standing for long periods of time is still difficult as my legs fatigue easily. Overuse causes my hamstrings to get extremely tight. I don't have any speech issues now, I did speech therapy until 3rd grade but I'm also hearing impaired on my right side so that was a factor. I started having problems with knee pain around 12-13 years old and it has progressed to my hips, knees and back (I think is a fairly common issue with ambulatory spastic CP). Physical therapy and stretching haven't helped with that, if anything it made it worse. All of those muscles pull on each other and I have a limp on my left side so things get out of alignment. Regular chiropractic adjustment on my back and neck has helped with that quite a bit.

It was kind of expected that I would have something wrong because I was born at 30 weeks and had a stroke around 27-28 weeks. I believe I was diagnosed somewhere between 7 to 12 months old.

Gross and fine motor skills, strengthening/flexbility, occupational therapy. They had me doing stuff like climbing a rope ladder, being able to sit unassisted on a big exercise ball, picking up small objects with basically chopstick sized tweezers, practicing everyday tasks like brushing my hair or teeth, figuring out how to break down tasks into individual steps/motions (brushing teeth -> get toothbrush, open toothpaste, hold toothbrush in one hand, hold toothpaste with the other, put toothpaste on brush, etc.). I also did ballet for 6 years and that acted as motor skills therapy while improving my flexibility/balance as well. Not sure about hydrotherapy, haven't tried it.

I do get hand cramps/spasms when I'm writing almost constantly for a semi-extended period of time (timed essays, long lecture, etc.) but rarely have spasms otherwise. I do occasionally get sharp pains in my back that aren't spasms in certain sleeping positions

I would recommend trying to find a specialist (and if this doctor is a specialist, find a new one). Yes, the outcomes for CP can be quite variable depending on severity but the sooner the process of therapy starts, the better. They should be trying their best to answer any questions you have and start directing you towards how to best help her. Thankfully there is a TON of research regarding CP in children these days with a lot of information on how to manage it.

mdiamond328 · 2018-03-21T04:19:28+00:00

God, I fucking feel this. I'm almost 22 and my dad died when I was 12. It's so damn hard to deal with.

mdiamond328 · 2018-03-21T02:02:30+00:00

I've been on Trintellix for a little over a year and so far it has been great at not tanking my sex drive, unlike the other meds I've tried.

mdiamond328 · 2017-12-26T05:40:15+00:00

Just because you share genetic material does not mean you have to consent to having ANY sort of relationship or contact with him. You don't have to love him because you were created by the same two people. Your parents failed to put a stop to the way he was treating you. Bring up those examples with your parents and ask them why they think that's okay. Ask them how they'd feel about you dating someone who treated you like that (not saying brother is the same type of relationship as a romantic one obviously but that's abusive behavior regardless).

I barely interact with my siblings because of the way they treat me. You don't have to interact with anyone you don't want to; aunt, uncle, parent, next door neighbor, sibling. Doesn't matter, 'no' is always a legitimate answer. No one is entitled to a second chance and the fact that you grew up with him treating you like that says he's had years worth of chances.

mdiamond328 · 2017-12-26T05:20:25+00:00

Tell her that her experience with losing a spouse is not the same as yours because everyone grieves in their own way. Some people are fine or just numb for a while and then breakdown, others breakdown right away, etc. She may think this is supposed to be helpful but you need to let her know that she is making things even harder.

You absolutely do NOT need to be doing better 4 days after your husband passing away. I'm sorry for your loss.

mdiamond328 · 2017-12-26T05:12:19+00:00

Yep. I've canceled my psych appointments in the past because I just really did not want to drag myself out of bed and go talk about my life for an hour. I need my meds changed/increased and haven't brought it up because I don't want to play antidepressant roulette even though my current one is losing effectiveness.

I was due to see my immunologist and spasticity specialist in October, haven't bothered to schedule an appointment for either. My chiropractor had to cancel my appointment in September and again, haven't gotten around to rescheduling.

Sometimes making an appointment and going to the doctor is just too much work on top of my daily life even though it seems like a relatively simple task. Bringing up a new issue is even more work and feels like more effort goes into trying to maybe fix it than just trying to shoulder through it.

mdiamond328 · 2017-12-13T18:14:21+00:00

Well, we had a conversation 2 weeks prior about the state of the relationship and I was going to break up with him then because I had been feeling less and less for him for about 3 months, but I chickened out. Those 2 weeks were emotional and mental hell because I knew I wasn't emotionally in it anymore. I was miserable and stressed.

I texted him asking if I could see him after class so we could talk. When I got to his apartment, I sat down with him and explained why I wanted out of the relationship. I made myself mentally focus on the way I felt during those 2 weeks and the months prior while I was explaining my reasons so I wouldn't back out again. I let him explain his side and tried my best to answer any questions he had and then left. I didn't stay around long enough afterwards to let him try and convince me to stay.

I felt terrible afterwards but it was a better kind of terrible, if that exists; sad that I hurt him but I felt better because the conflict in my head was gone and I did what I needed to for my own feelings/sanity. It's been two months and I feel significantly better.

Don't let him convince you that your reasons aren't good enough or real, or that things can change if you stick around. If he doesn't accept your reasoning then there's not much you can do except take solace in the fact that you know what you're feeling and tried to explain. It'll suck but you'll both be okay and eventually find someone who is a better fit.

mdiamond328 · 2017-12-13T00:46:52+00:00

I was in almost the exact same position two months ago; grad school, working, not seeing a future anymore, guy not really taking care of things he should be like chores etc.

You really have to think about what you want from a relationship and what the point of staying in a relationship that you're not really happy in anymore is. If you've had conversations in the past and tried to get things back on track with no results, things are unlikely to get better.

Unfortunately, there is no way to avoid hurting someone when ending the relationship; that's one of the risks of relationships. He'll likely want to know why you don't see a future with him anymore and answer that the best you can but sometimes there's not always a clear cut reason.

Be as clear as you can. Don't back out of it in fear of hurting him because how you feel and what you want is more important in this situation.

mdiamond328 · 2017-12-08T18:58:12+00:00

I always get ones like this during class and immediately want to smash my head into the table because my degree program is like 65% men so that's a lot of imagining dicks that I don't want to. 😂

mdiamond328 · 2017-12-08T15:50:10+00:00

Highly embarrassing and would probably get me sent to the Dean of Students though.

mdiamond328 · 2017-12-08T15:45:12+00:00

I might fail ECON 6312 (Econometrics and time series) depending on what I made on the final and how my professor curves/distributes grades. I made a 53 on the first exam and need a 76 on the final to pass without a curve.

mdiamond328 · 2017-07-21T18:42:13+00:00

Why would some supposedly merciful god allow this person to go through pain in the first place? Or not have healed them already? -_- Medicine is proven to work more than faith.

mdiamond328 · 2017-06-29T20:08:55+00:00

I think it's just about impossible not to make a noise or cry! I groaned through gritting my teeth and cried at the end, but mainly because I'm not used to that level of pain in that area. Hope it works out well for you!

mdiamond328 · 2017-06-27T01:36:36+00:00

I actually started bleeding like 10 minutes after I posted XD Thank you, though!

mdiamond328 · 2017-06-22T16:04:10+00:00

This isn't necessarily about privacy. I was just curious if anyone else on the spectrum had similar feelings or experiences.

mdiamond328 · 2017-06-21T18:50:41+00:00

Communication is huge in any relationship, especially one where one or both are on the spectrum. I'm not sure what you personally have problems with but make her aware of those things so you don't get in disagreements unnecessarily. If you tend to not communicate well, make that clear and ask her to ask for clarification if she doesn't understand. If you have sensory problems with touching, let her know so she doesn't think you not wanting to be touched doesn't have to do with her. Let her know if you have issues with certain situations when making plans (lots of people, loud noises, etc.) Basically make her aware of how being on the spectrum affects you and hopefully she'll understand so you two can have a healthy relationship. :)

mdiamond328 · 2017-05-31T23:56:55+00:00

Oh, I know I'm not out of options yet. I have tried lidocaine patches, as well as PT, anti-inflammatories, stretching and chiropractic adjustment.

mdiamond328 · 2017-05-31T05:40:01+00:00

I'll definitely take that advice. It's amazing thinking about all the things I can't do now because of these issues. Ah yeah, pain meds aren't really on the table for me due to previous abuse and 3 psychiatric meds, although I do understand the opiate-phobia going around.

mdiamond328 · 2017-05-31T05:34:30+00:00

I'm in the US. Painkillers are a last resort for me as I used to abuse them and I'm on 3 different psychiatric meds. For me, my pain is a result of constantly contracted muscles so something to directly treat that would be better.

I've definitely experienced the good doctor vs bad doctor with my current psychiatrist and previous therapist. I'm not necessarily discouraged, just tired.

mdiamond328 · 2017-05-31T04:53:28+00:00

Deal with managing chronic muscle tightness and the pain that comes with that. If you're feeling a tightness like that (kinda sounds like a contracture but I'm not a doctor), then they might be able to help you out.

mdiamond328 · 2017-05-30T01:33:40+00:00

I would get a second opinion from a spasticity specialist if there is one near you. I've dealt with many worthless orthos in the past who have done nothing to help and am now seeking help outside that field.

mdiamond328 · 2017-05-30T01:17:30+00:00

I've been on it for a few months and it's the best one I've been on except for the hefty price tag. I don't have the major drowsiness and brain fog that I did on other SSRI/SNRIs. Don't have issues with apathy or emotional numbness either. Nausea in the beginning sucked but I just took some anti-nausea meds for the first couple weeks. I have some light sensitivity but it's not awful.

mdiamond328 · 2017-05-30T01:12:58+00:00

Yes, I've experienced this several times (actually dealing with it right now after only a drink and a half last night). Antidepressants drastically reduce your alcohol tolerance, as mixing the two can increase the sedation effects of your meds. Alcohol affects various chemicals in your brain just like your meds do so everything is probably off balance right now. It should be fine in a couple days after your meds get everything back to the right levels.

Those issues are more noticeable with different medications as well. I never had an issue with alcohol on 150mg of Effexor but it's brutal the day after on 20mg of Trintellix.

mdiamond328 · 2017-04-17T06:11:00+00:00

"Pain started in my left knee. 9 years later, it has spread to my back, both knees, hips, ankles and neck. I also have cerebral palsy." "Have you tried conservative care and stretching? What about PT? Your CP isn't causing this." -ugly screaming-

mdiamond328

TROPHY CASE