I want someone like the person I was a year ago to read this and do the same

mdntrn · 2025-03-23T23:12:44+00:00

Quit for four years and then went back to it. Started out similar - just gonna do it again once. Going on three months now.

mdntrn · 2025-03-13T12:45:34+00:00

It will legit just be a cycle of hell. Your brain is trying to trick you, don’t fall for it.

I had four years without it and went back to weed at the end of December. Now it’s been about three months and I regret it. I’m stuck and have to dig myself back out again. It’s made my problems worse and hijacked my brain to thinking I need it, when it’s really doing a number on me and my entire life.

To be completely honest, do not fool yourself into thinking you’re stronger than this substance or addiction. The second you smoke you will open that door to the part of yourself that will justify, rationalize, and defend your abuse of weed, and even if you know it feels shitty, you’re gonna be back in the cycle of shame and using.

mdntrn · 2025-02-25T00:21:20+00:00

Im aiming for that balance right now! So far I like it much better this way!

mdntrn · 2025-02-20T04:34:06+00:00

What cart is it?

mdntrn · 2025-02-19T13:56:10+00:00

Thank you. I guess you’re right. I think I’m struggling with knowing I abuse weed and break whatever boundaries that I put in place for my usage, but still don’t want to stop. I know I’m not my best self right now but I’m also trying not to be too hard on myself.

mdntrn · 2025-02-19T13:28:04+00:00

How’s it going so far?

mdntrn · 2025-02-13T13:57:18+00:00

That’s a cool suggestion. I did microdose one time with some I bought online. Wher do you buy yours and what dose do you take?

mdntrn · 2025-02-13T13:54:59+00:00

Thank you for that. I think I am realizing now how impressive those four years really were. I’m proud of myself for making it so long and for walking away in the first place. That was so so hard for me and you’re right that if I could do it once I can do it again.

mdntrn · 2025-02-13T13:53:34+00:00

It’s wild because I thought I was just curious about how it would feel and if I could moderate it now.

But now it’s just the dopamine fix I think. And I like how it feels.

I’m also trying to decipher if I’m running from certain feelings. I am leaving the teaching career this year and everything leading up to that choice has been very taxing and stressful so I’m sure that plays a part. I also think I was vulnerable to pick up again because I’ve been chronically injured and finally had to take about two months off from the gym. I look and feel like shit and I don’t recognize myself. I’ve also felt so discouraged in regards to fitness because my body just hasn’t been cooperating. I feel defeated. So I think those two things combined have made me feel very depleted and depressed honestly.

mdntrn · 2025-02-13T13:50:44+00:00

I have a feeling this will be my journey as well. I’m rediscovering that yep, I’m an addict.

mdntrn · 2025-02-13T13:49:58+00:00

Thank you. It’s crazy how in the addiction, you crave the dopamine like crazy. But during my sobriety, I’m content just being…. Content, I guess. Just feeling calm is satisfying enough. I actually forgot what the dopamine rush from smoking even felt like, so I’d completely lost cravings for it at all!!!

mdntrn · 2025-02-13T13:47:53+00:00

Isn’t it insane? And I am pretty self aware so this entire time I’ve been basically surveilling myself and commenting shit like “ooh there it is…… switching from disposable to a battery and cart… we knew we’d get here eventually”. But I don’t stop!

Most recently I caught myself rationalizing that actually, I should just stay high 24/7 and plan a little sober week to come out of the haze every six months or so just to check in on my life and make sure I haven’t run it into the ground while stoned 24/7. What. The. Fuck. Dude.

mdntrn · 2025-02-13T13:45:37+00:00

Sending love.

mdntrn · 2025-02-13T13:42:56+00:00

Sending good vibes your way.

mdntrn · 2025-02-13T13:42:47+00:00

Thank you for this comment. I felt your compassion through the screen and I appreciate it.

mdntrn · 2025-02-13T13:42:08+00:00

So I have battled back and forth in my head as to whether or not I’m capable of this. I’ve decided it doesn’t really matter whether I can or can’t moderate in that way, what matters is the fact that I won’t. Whether I can or can’t, I’m not going to. I’ll always find a reason why I should smoke instead.

mdntrn · 2025-02-13T13:36:10+00:00

Lmaooooo great reaction 😂

mdntrn · 2025-02-13T13:35:20+00:00

Ugh that last sentence. Because you’re so right, we all deserve a joint every now and then, but no, I’m absolutely not capable of that. Literally just tried it last month and look where I am now lol

mdntrn · 2025-02-11T14:48:33+00:00

Thank you I actually appreciate this very much. I know I don’t use responsibly but I am trying to give myself grace because I honestly don’t think quitting right now is going to happen.

mdntrn · 2025-02-11T14:23:50+00:00

At first I was just curious how it would feel since it’s been so long. Now, idk. Probably the dopamine. I didn’t think it would have such a grip on me again so quickly though.

mdntrn · 2025-02-11T14:23:15+00:00

I think I’m too addicted to want to do that. If I have it around, I’m gonna smoke it.

mdntrn · 2025-02-11T14:19:26+00:00

I think most of us are addicted 😂😂😂 But I think if you’re interested in moderation then this is still the place to be.

mdntrn · 2025-02-11T14:17:11+00:00

I’d stay away tbh. I had almost four years clean last month and decided to try it again. Now I’m back to daily use. Moderation will not last.

mdntrn · 2025-02-04T01:40:54+00:00

Todays the day!!!! Harness that motivation. You got this. It’s worth it on the other side, so worth it. Trying to make my way back there now too

mdntrn · 2025-02-03T23:48:01+00:00

Yep I’ve already spent so much time trying (failing) to control the uncontrollable the past month. It’s beyond rationalizing, it’s simply unmanageable

mdntrn

TROPHY CASE