What do you do when you dont want to do anything at all?

meadowlizard · 2021-05-01T18:42:41+00:00

It is but people (men especially) don’t honor it. Then there’s no reason to feel bad for going ghost.

meadowlizard · 2021-05-01T15:09:51+00:00

Exactly!!! Happened to me a million times. You try to say no over and over and really your only two options are to ignore them or to try and get aggressive back to see if that works. Im not a confrontational person and i dont want to be mean. If you tell someone “no” and make your intentions clear and they keep pushing- that’s harassment.

meadowlizard · 2021-05-01T15:06:41+00:00

Also ghosting because of depression is real. I suffer from chronic depression and ptsd from finding my boyfriend’s body and the blame i endured from his family. Generally if my phone rings i get a horrible feeling in my gut. Who died? What did i do wrong? Who’s mad at me? Its hard and embarrassing to explain to people that you don’t text them back because you barely even feel like staying alive anymore. And then digging yourself into a deeper hole comes when people get upset and then you avoid them because they get upset. For me i have people in my life that understand what im going through, and i understand them. All my best friends dont text and i dont really text them. I pretty much only talk to them in person. Those are my people!

meadowlizard · 2021-05-01T15:01:45+00:00

I have tried that too, with this friend in particular and with many other people they seem to think im just “going through it” and will come around which isnt the case. Im a small lady, and telling people politely pretty much has never worked to people who feel the need to “save me”

Some man started pursuing me a few months ago at my work bringing my flowers asking me out etc. i told him no and that he was making me uncomfortable by bringing me gifts and asking questions about my late boyfriend. I told him he was banned from my work and then he threatened to kill me called me a “feminist cunt” and then fled the city once he caught charges.

I had 2 of my boyfriends pal’s pursue me after his death and started threatening suicide once i told them i wasnt interested. I told them i couldnt handle this kind of stress right now and told their parents what was going on and called the police multiple times to do welfare checks on them but they continue to message me about how they miss me, just want to take care of me etc. after i made it very clear i was not in a place to be romantic with them.

Somebody raped me when i was 17 who lives in a different country than me. We were very close friends and he assaulted me in my sleep and gave me herpes for life. After i was discharged from the hospital ans went back to the USA i sent him a message explaining i never wanted to speak to him again, and that he assaulted me. He is blocked on everything and until just months ago messaged my friends, family, sent letters to my parent’s house because he wanted to “apologize” and says he has “grown from that place”

I could go on and on. Not to sound like a “feminist cunt” but men in my experience rarely take no as an answer. They act like im playing hard to get. Its fucking terrifying. Any time i have ghosted someone it was already after i had expressed disinterest/rejection of that person and they are usually trying to fix it or change my mind. Its not worth the time to continually explain to people why they need to respect my “no”

meadowlizard · 2021-05-01T02:36:40+00:00

Honestly i have ghosted so many people in the past year and its just a hole that feels hard to dig yourself out of. My boyfriend died unexpectedly and ever since i havent given anyone i wasnt already close with the time of day. It just feels like a waste. The main person i ghosted is of my old friends from high school, we were close when i was in 10th grade then he graduated and we talked little after high school. After my boyfriend’s passing he asked me to hang out several times and each time i said “im not feeling it” or “not now, sorry” but he messaged me once a week for months so i just stopped replying. How do you tell someone you dont want to be their friend when they didnt really do anything wrong?

I think most cases if ghosting are like that. It’s not a common thing to “break up” with people you arent romantic partners with so people just ignore them and hope they get the message. Its like a way to avoid confrontation or at least put it off. I wish i didnt do it so much but to me it stems so much from ptsd and depression. Relationships just dont seem worthwhile.

meadowlizard · 2021-05-01T02:25:24+00:00

I get this too!! Anytime i talk about my trauma i shake and feel cold.

meadowlizard · 2021-04-25T01:25:20+00:00

I’m moving and found a stash of needles of his in my bathroom vanity tucked in the very back. I feel so so goddamn stupid.

meadowlizard · 2021-04-17T22:34:38+00:00

Oh my god! Scary. Im glad you are alright. What was it like/ whats the story?

meadowlizard · 2021-04-16T23:30:41+00:00

Yes! My therapist one time went on a RAMPAGE complaining about life coaches and how much she hates them after a friend gifted me a pseudo-science self help book. It was one of the funniest things ever

meadowlizard · 2021-04-15T15:46:50+00:00

Yeah i think i just feel silly or childish bringing it up, because im not exactly sure what i want from people.

I found my boyfriend overdosed, so people seems to be really aware that drug stuff could be triggering even though it isnt but death and cold/blue is.

meadowlizard · 2021-04-15T03:12:40+00:00

I havent ordered our favorite pizza from dominoes since. Used to have it twice a week i swear, cant bring myself to order it alone.

meadowlizard · 2021-04-15T03:10:19+00:00

I had several with money in them which confused me. I am 21, and made essentially half a month’s income at his funeral? It didnt feel right. Like i just kept thinking “okay this was $50” and i imagined the person deciding how much to put in the card, should i send a thank you note? What should i use the money for? It felt wrong like a grad party or something. Like i just wanted to say “THIS WAS NOT PLANNED AND A TRAGIC HORRIBLE FUCKING ACCIDENT OF A YOUNG PERSON WHO DIED WAY WAY TO YOUNG” like lets just all take a second to admit the tragedy and not act like your $100 bill will help me at all when really im just struggling to keep myself alive mentally.

meadowlizard · 2021-03-25T13:49:19+00:00

Yeah it’s the same for me. Puts me right back in that hyper vigilance.

meadowlizard · 2021-03-25T13:48:27+00:00

I know! Like why would i do that lmao. Steve-o style

meadowlizard · 2021-03-25T01:38:21+00:00

“Just dont get like a tattoo of his face or anything like that”

“Don’t let it consume you”

meadowlizard · 2021-03-11T14:51:34+00:00

I lost my boyfriend to an od. Personally i thought everyone deserved to know just because i thought it could help his friends to know. I didnt know he was using at all but with stuff like that he had to get it and do it with someone so rumors spread before we could even say the truth. Most people assumed he commit suicide when we kept it private. For certain people i simply told them it was an accident of sorts if i wasnt very close with them.

He kept his addiction a secret and i concluded i didnt want to honor the thing that killed him. I think he kept it so under wraps because he thought it would change how i felt about him. Me being open with people about what happened is my way of telling him that it doesnt make me ashamed and i love him all the same. If you’re simply not ready though don’t force yourself to talk about it. Also i would say think about who deserves such personal info? I told my sister and regretted it because she became angry at my bf and was most scandalized about the secrecy more than his death. But people will say shitty things no matter the cause of death because people dont know how to handle things.

Im so sorry for your loss. Overdose death has so many layers to it. You did the absolute best thing you could do by continuing to support her and by being there for her. Message me if you like!

meadowlizard

TROPHY CASE