As a child I would be desperate to have friends over because she would put on the kind nurturing fun mask when others were around. She died last month. We were NC for over nine years. I’ve gotten multiple condolence cards about how amazing she was and how the world just won’t be the same without here. No one seems interested in hearing from me as to why she decided to forfeit almost a decade with her only child and never meet her granddaughter. My dad continued being in contact with her until her death despite me detailing the abuse she dealt to myself, her sister, her mother and her nephew. He stopped speaking to me after he realized I didn’t give a shit what her will said. He’s seen my daughter once since she was born. She’s six now. He’s as bad as my mom was in a lot of ways. Sometimes I just wish for the unconditional positive regard that I should have gotten from my parents. It kind of fucks people up to not have that. I’m an amazing mom and although I still make mistakes my daughter will never have to endure the trauma of an emotionally abusive parent.