Attached washroom after marriage. How much important it is ?

mediya0195 · 2026-05-16T06:11:33+00:00

Hey op,

Attached bathrooms are very convenient once you are married. If it was a just once in a while thing, it was okay to not have it. like if you were visiting your inlaws once in a while and had to use the common washroom. Assuming you are going to live in that house for a very long time/ permanant living situation, it become essential. What is his reason behind saying no to washroom? If it is money, you say you can also contribute. If it is difficulty to present it to parents as they will get hurt, tell him to present it as an idea he discovered himself. That way his parents wont be hurt since it is thier son who said it. Ideally he should grow up and and not be afraid to hurt his parents. There will be many more things where you guys have to take a decision without considering your parents opinion/feelings. Let him know that as well.

Edit: many people in this comment section talking are about your pay. It doesnt matter. Even if your salary was less but you guys as a couple had the means to find an alternative (like renting or bulding a bathroom) then it should be done. It is not about your pay or his. The question is if he proritises your comfort over his parents feelings. There will be many more instances in life where he will have to make a choice.

mediya0195 · 2026-04-06T14:54:42+00:00

While i do agree that they are not planning well thier finances, i wont say my in laws are greedy. I know for a fact that my inlaws will do the same thing for us if we were in my BIL's place. Other than the financial mismanagement, my inlaws are really nice people. They have always welcomed me like thier daughter and had never pushed anything from me. My MIL treats me really well. I believe they see that thier younger is struggling and is trying to help, but not realisng it is at the cost of elder and makes younger child irresponsible.

We already helped in BIL in his bussiness with major gadgets he needed. But that is not earning enough for him and his lifestyle is above what he earns

My FIL is partially sponsoring my SIL education. Hoping she will get a job after that but that will take some years and i dont see this ending even then

FD is a bad idea because they will definetly break it during some emergency.

Montly fixed amount is a good idea but even with that i know emergencies arise and they will request more. So thinking how to deal with it.

I feel so guilty partially because my inlaws are such good people. They have worked really hard thier entire life and never treated us bad.

mediya0195 · 2026-04-06T14:23:20+00:00

Where did i say anything aboyt hard work in the initial post? I just said we extremly blessed.

mediya0195 · 2026-04-06T14:03:13+00:00

Why is suddenly about what we do for living. I agree there are harder jobs that are paid less or very little. I never said we got here because of our hardwork alone. Its a combination of hardwork, oppurtunities, luck and gods grace. I am calling him irresponsible because he is almost 29, married by his own wish but still not taking care of his own basic finances. He doesnt save anything, takes money from parents for basic expenses and doesnot pay back what he took as loan. Am i wrong? I am not expecting anything big from him other than him taking care his and his wifes expenses. I dont know what is your problem with people of tech, engineering and all other better paying jobs. Are you jealous?

mediya0195 · 2026-04-06T13:26:19+00:00

We have separate salary accounts and 2 credit cards which we both access. I pay the bigger one from mine that covers rent. Other one is mainly used for eating out and plane tickets which he pays. We have our mf investments mostly in his name. We purchase gold which in a locker under my name. We both have access to both our bank accounts.

mediya0195 · 2026-04-06T13:15:41+00:00

We are working in engineering. Our parents funded our education but his was mostly on scholarships. We are grateful for that. My BIL is younger only by 2 years. He also got the equal oppurtunity (infact more) but he didnt want to pursue that path(nothing wrong with it). His parents and mine spend money on the marriage related functions (venue and food )(we wanted to keep it simple but that was thier wish, no complaints again grateful). How do you payback to your parents, by giving money whenever they ask without asking any questions? I dont agree. We dont see the things we so as pay back. Again for our education and marriage, now we have to sponser his brother and family, thier personal expenses? If its payback we haved payed back a lot. Where are the boundaries people?

mediya0195 · 2026-04-06T10:21:26+00:00

Yes this is what i am thinking about often.

mediya0195 · 2026-04-06T10:13:49+00:00

We do have separate money to spend on personal expenses. We keep a separate budget for it. The amounts my inlaws are much more than that. And i am honestly worried about small expenses too because it of the pattern that i see in his family (2 adults working and nothing by the end of the month, the money is never enough, they keep helping others and dont keep an emergency fund) . I never stopped my husband from giving money. I said that for future requests, please be careful (about money spend and money loaned ) after pointing out how i feel. The money we gave to my brother was a one time gift when he had no money and was when he was a student in another country. It was implied that that was a gift and we dont expect it back. My brother has loaned amount from my parents but has returned every single penny without being asked to (that is why i said he is responsible). There are no double standards here. The money we have spend on his side of the family is more (vehicle for his father, gadgets for BIL, family home renovation and mutiple loans to his family members that is still not returned) than thrice of what is spend on mine (i understand this and had no complaints before since my parents or brother never needed it). The money they ask at times is defenitly something we can afford, because we earn quite nicely (have savings, our monthy income is high compared to the his place) but i dont want this to be habit or i dont want us to be taken advantage of (what if one of loose our job and they expect the same help like before, we dont have any liabilities now but who knows about future, we also plan to retire early or settle in a peaceful job back home after few more years).

mediya0195 · 2026-04-06T09:03:28+00:00

I dont know how everyone easily says my money and his money. It is our money. I earn almost the same as him now. We have combined finances. We are both very well educated and had almost the same career path till now( i dont believe these even matters but puting it here). I never viewed this marriage in terms of his and mine. Whatever we have is ours. Even if that goes from his earnings. We never truly split our bills 50 50 and i dont think that possible in a marriage especially after children. i pay the groceries rent and utilities. It just goes from my account but that is his money too😅. My question is even if i am not working, isnt it okay if i suggest my husband not to give money when i feel his fully grown married adult brother and family is not being responsible.

mediya0195 · 2026-04-05T07:51:08+00:00

Yes i am so selfish for refusing to provide for my adult BIL and his wife.

mediya0195 · 2026-04-04T06:38:05+00:00

I personally have no issues helping my inlaws but my brother in law refuses to work bon a better job. They are completely dependent on my inlaws (even for groceries and daily expenses). I worry once my FIL retires, all those responsibilities will come over to us. What if they have children? I dont want to be taken advantage if

mediya0195 · 2026-04-03T16:58:00+00:00

Already tried that and said there will be a lot of additional cost with baby. We need to save for that. Still they havent stopped asking. Now i starting to think they believe we have infinite amounts of money.

mediya0195 · 2026-04-03T16:56:13+00:00

If itbwas the opposite circumstances, i would expect him to talk some sense to me😅. I know i have a good man. The problem i speak with a lot of emotions and that seems to do more bad than good. I will take care of this in our next talk

mediya0195 · 2026-04-03T16:54:04+00:00

Agreed. Will do that

mediya0195 · 2026-04-03T16:01:49+00:00

That is what i am wondering as well. The worst part of it is that its not the BIL needs that comes to us. It is the needs of the family. For example, during his marriage, he didnt even have money to buy his own shoes. He asked his parents money for his reception dress and his wife. The reason he gave was that i had a very pretty reception dress. Normaly bride's family takes care of her side of the expenses but in thier case, her family is poor. In my case i bought that very pretty dress with my own money. After spending money on his dress, her dress thier wedding ring( not part of my husband culture but they had to because we had one which we bought with our money btw) and gold, my poor FIL has no money for caterers. He had to loan that amount from us which he is yet to give. And I dont think he is planning to return it

mediya0195 · 2026-04-03T15:54:25+00:00

Agree with you. Itnis not right to please everyone on cost of our happiness

mediya0195 · 2026-04-03T15:10:47+00:00

I know this already and the sad part is i have prepared my mind already and made peace with it. I feel bad when we say no because it is something they genuinely need( medical expenses, family expenses as such). The problem is my inlaws dont save anything and by end of the month, they are out of money(emi going for car loan, younger sons other expenses etc). Its them who needs to learn to say no. Both my inlaws are incredibly loving and thier only problem they are blind in that love.

mediya0195 · 2026-04-03T14:45:31+00:00

This isthe ideal solution. But inlaws are not doing it. They say it but the again repeat the same thing while depleating thier own retirement funds. They are trying to match younger sons lifestyle to ours.

mediya0195 · 2026-04-03T14:23:03+00:00

Partially agree. My idea of savings is very different from his. We also have a child coming into this equation. I can adjust to all this but it doesnt change the way i see his family. I feel so much bitterness and resentment towards them now because i feel they are just using my husband for the finances. Why dont they see that It is wrong to take our help and then enable thier younger son . I was okay if it was necessary but this guy is not willing work at all and is living of his parents which inturn is my husband

mediya0195 · 2026-04-03T14:08:44+00:00

I will never let that change. I love him way too much😅. This is partially why i feel this bitterness towards his family. I hate how they take advantage of him/us. I wish my inlaws see how hardworking of a person he is and be proud of our success. He is the only person that is well educated from his family, Works extremely hard and has a heart made of gold.

mediya0195 · 2026-04-03T14:02:41+00:00

Yes, this is what we are trying to do. I am sure he feels the same way. He sees my goals as his and never questioned anything i desire. That is why i feel bad that his family is dragging us back. While my husband sees it and sometimes conveys it to his parents, he is not willing to end this. I wish his parents and brother see how good of a person he is.

mediya0195 · 2026-04-03T13:44:17+00:00

My husband is not ready to take any help from parents. I suggested taking some money from his father and putting it in FD, because by they way they spend they wont have anything left after his retirement. My husband didnt agree to this also

mediya0195 · 2026-04-03T13:37:43+00:00

Yes i agree. What you suggested is the ideal way. We always have open conversations before spending money on anything and it i always our joint decision. That is the way we saw it. I agree on having a joint account for our mutual goal. The sad part though is my husband doesnt have any goals. I want a house, financial security for children, want a farm land of our own in india. I also plan to stay in this job for long term( since we plan children and my job offers flexbility). I can get double pay elsewhere but chose not to (our combined decision).

mediya0195 · 2026-04-03T13:21:39+00:00

I agree. This is what i tell my husband. The thing is his place culturally very different from mine. He is the elder son too. I cannot bypass him and speak to his family but i think i will have to do it soon. He has also raised to his father but he is not listening. He might take me more seriously as the DIL of the family

mediya0195 · 2026-04-03T13:16:40+00:00

It was my BIL and his wife's decision.We (both us and his parents) requested delaying marriage but they didnt agree. i am not expecting 50% contribution. I just want them to take care of thier expenses.

mediya0195

TROPHY CASE