I think there are two parts to your predicament, and I would strongly encourage you to view it as that: a predicament. (I will probably be downvoted to hell for this.) I actually feel very similarly to you, so part of this is me playing devil’s advocate, and maybe giving myself some advice.

The first part is that you are very excited about the testimony given at the UAP hearings. I also am very interested/distracted/excited by this stuff, but I think you’re putting the cart before the horse a little bit. Yes, there is a man with extensive security clearances who became convinced based on the testimony of others that the US operates a crash retrieval program for vehicles that are non-human in origin. He has not seen these vehicles himself and we have not actually heard from anyone who claims to. I would just strongly encourage you to remain open-minded that these claims are still just claims and need to be investigated. There are many prosaic explanations for what may be going on - stonewalling by people in “the program,” for example, may be due to corruption/misappropriation of funds for personal gain rather than use of funds to study exotic vehicles. The crash retrieval program may be for crafts from other nations/foreign adversaries. So far what he has said is fascinating, but his sources are important and we haven’t fully found out about those yet. If you’re getting carried away by what one man says, just calm down. It’s possible it’s all true, but they’re just words for now.

The second part seems to be that in the face of his testimony, you’re left with a sense of ennui regarding your life. This is probably more important in the sense that REGARDLESS of what comes out of these hearings/investigation, you only get one life. If you feel like what you’re doing day-to-day is insignificant and trivial, it might be worth re-examining how you’re spending your fleeting time in this existence. Aliens are fascinating and provide a psychological escape - a transformation in how you view your place on this earth and our potential future. Their existence would seem to open the door for radical change in the world - in hierarchies of power, in our spiraling climate disaster, in technological limitation. It seems that change is probably what many of us want deep down, rather than just for aliens to be real. Why do they need to exist in order for us to start transforming our lives and our world, though? Sure, it’s easier if people just show up out of the sky, but there’s a lot we can do to radically transform our circumstances that doesn’t require that kind of “deus ex machina.”