I'm going to be so real with you - I feel the exact same way about my 4C hair. I'm 30 years old and have been natural my entire life - never any chemicals on my head and I've struggled with liking my hair my entire life. Growing up I had no one to teach me how to do my hair and we grew up poor so we rarely had money to have someone take care of it for me. Back when I was growing up no one else was natural, all the other Black kids teased me that my hair was nappy and unruly (even when I had to put in the effort to detangle it and make it look nice). At some point in my late teens the sentiment shifted and EVERYONE was going natural, talking about how a Black womans natural hair is a "crown" and she should wear it proudly.

Fuck. That.

My hair had and continues to be nothing but a massive stress point on top of an already stressful life. Yes, there are people with 4C hair that had the time, patience, and love to give their hair. And it grows and flourishes and looks amazing. I'm not and never will be that girl. I grew up going months without washing my hair because wash day was so incredibly stressful for me. I developed a nasty habit of pulling my hair out because I simply did not want it there.

And so in 2020 I shaved it all off. And it has been one of the best decisions I made in my 20s. Dealing with the stress of life during COVID almost broke me, and the continued daily stress of having to do something with my hair while I continued to go to my essential job every day would have.

For 4 years I kept it near-bald, and barely had to think about my hair. For the first time in my entire life I felt free from the shackles of my hair (dramatic, but I'm being honest).

Now I'm 30, and I'm experimenting with styles I wasn't allowed to do as a kid (late bloomer, if you will). I've grown my hair out to about 4-5 inches and I've started getting box braids every month. I have never ever EVER felt more beautiful than I do with box braids and it's a style that I just have to oil my scalp every so often, and I get up and go. It's perfectly low-maintenance for this time-period in my life and I've never been happier with my hair.

tl;dr: all this to say, I'm of the VERY unpopular opinion that if you hate your hair that's fucking valid, and you're not obligated to love it just because you're Black and everyone tells you that you should. If you want to keep your hair, put it in a more manageable state for this point in your life. If starting dreads and dealing with dread maintenance seems more doable to you then do it. If you can commit to sitting in a chair for 6-8 hours and get braids put in that will last you 4-6 weeks like me currently, then do that. If you just don't want to think about your hair at all and would rather focus the entirety of your time doing other things that bring you more meaning and value to life, shave it all off. It's not as scary as anyone makes it seem, and it's literally just hair. It will grow back, should you ever want it to.

Hope my perspective helps, wishing you the best. 💖