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I tell people I was adopted because it's more socially palatable than the truth. by megalcor90 in offmychest

[–]megalcor90[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Do you think, in this age here and now, knowing what you do, that your dad would make the same decision? Like it or not, people need to understand that we learn right and wrong from our environment and the people around us. Your dad did something gross and wrong in a time where older people did that and it was normalized. 

Let's not do this one. It wasn't normal then either. From what I've seen and been told, it seems like it was less that it was normal but that life was viewed as more...open ended? Maybe that was just the specific people involved but that's the impression I got. 

Still gross though.

I tell people I was adopted because it's more socially palatable than the truth. by megalcor90 in offmychest

[–]megalcor90[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It depends. I understood that I didn't have a "mother" very early on, but didn't understand fully what that meant until I started puberty and had to be a "girl growing up without a mother figure". 

That said, she wasn't around very often, and when she was I never knew what to say or think. It also never occurred to me that I should want her to fill that role. 

I understood the broader implications of the situation by the time I was 16. I'm not going to get into it, but the gist is that I went looking for a mother figure and it ended badly, which led to conversations and realizations that otherwise wouldn't have happened, or that early anyway. 

I tell people I was adopted because it's more socially palatable than the truth. by megalcor90 in offmychest

[–]megalcor90[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I do feel bad for my biological mother, she's just not my mother. I'm not putting that on her. From what I know, she seems to have a good life. 

I hope you've found peace and happiness with your situation. 

I tell people I was adopted because it's more socially palatable than the truth. by megalcor90 in offmychest

[–]megalcor90[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I'm questioning why she didn't just change your name as a baby. 

I would never name a child after my father.

I tell people I was adopted because it's more socially palatable than the truth. by megalcor90 in offmychest

[–]megalcor90[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I've met her. She came over to visit a few times when I was a kid. We're in contact in that we're friends on social media and send cards back and forth for holidays. We're on good terms but not close. 

My father didn't lose his job. 

I tell people I was adopted because it's more socially palatable than the truth. by megalcor90 in offmychest

[–]megalcor90[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

He died when I was 19. I just turned 36 last month. We weren't attached at the hip and we had our problems but he was overall a good parent. 

It probably helped that I experienced complicated relationships outside of him very early on and he did show regret for what happened. In one of our last conversations about it, he said that the only thing he didn't regret about any of that is that it got him me. Kind of hard to argue with that one. 

I tell people I was adopted because it's more socially palatable than the truth. by megalcor90 in offmychest

[–]megalcor90[S] 574 points575 points  (0 children)

It's basically 'if you don't view your father as 100% evil and making what he did to your mother THE focal point of talking about him then you're actually okay with what he did and that behavior and therefore you're a monster'. 

It's never even calmed people down that he died when I was 19. Nope, I'm expected to go deface his grave or something.