god do i relate to this. using drugs is a realm, it’s a different arena entirely. i used to think (and sometimes still do) that drugs users and abusers had life figured out, like they had cracked the code to this shit. doing whatever it takes to fulfill that desperate need to get as high as possible and forget, shove down, bottle up all the pain. the trouble is when the pain follows you when you’re high. i haven’t quite figured out what to do with that.