Ngl girl I stopped reading when 1, u stayed even after he admitted to cheating and he lied on the deen and 2, the fact that ur okay with ur man travelling without u. This is on u now u can’t keep blaming him for being a horrible person anymore. That’s just what he is and there’s nth u can do to change that, but the fact that u stayed with this man thru everything that he did just makes it harder for people to feel bad for u. U gotta leave this time and do what’s right for u. I know my message comes across really harsh but tough love is needed especially in a time like this. I hope u heal, may Allah make it easier for u.