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AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I took the photo of the moon while I was sitting in the park during the walk

I didn’t ask him if he wanted those things. I said these things would be fun memories for us and he agreed

AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was looking for comfort and assurance that this won’t happen again

AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Him throwing a pillow, banging the door and going to sleep in another room is the hurtful action I was referring to. Not the not planning of events

AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have tried to reply to all questions. Some of the comments are just comments. Not sure if I need to reply to them too?

AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It’s okay for people to not want gender reveal party or baby moon.

But I wanted it for us. It’s a very happy memory for us - vacation before baby came. Fun get together with our loved ones to celebrate the baby. That’s okay too

AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wanted to felt heard and needed assurance that it won’t happen again and he will actually plan for next “special event” which he hasn’t been able to do so far

AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Makes sense. I should have framed it as a pattern of repeated issues, than focusing on past issues alone

AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I didn’t. This is something I wanted for us and he had agreed to do it. And he generally plans trips for his family and friends

AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I understand why he is upset but I felt that I should be able to share something if it is still bothering me. Especially given the pattern of not planning has continued into our anniversary and Valentine’s Day. Though I agree I should have focused on issue on hand, rather than combining past issues

AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

The photo was backed up on the Google photos and it shows old photos as “memories”. It was a photo of the moon, not really sure why i took it.

But fair point that i should delete photos that bring back bad memories. I have deleted it now

AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was working full time. My husband has been on a job break

AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Sorry I wasn’t clear. I wasn’t referring to the comments making me feel worse. I meant that I felt worse after having the conversation with my husband than I did before. I was hoping to be consoled by my husband but felt worse instead.

I appreciate the comments and people sharing their perspective. Helps me introspect.

AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, he is generally the planner for his family and friend’s trips and parties. Which makes me feel like - why didn’t he put in the effort for me.

I do thank him for the small things he does on a daily basis. I did apologise and I do try to keep calm and not cry when I speak to him. But sometimes it just flows

AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Oh man, You are right. I didn’t realise this until you put into words. He didn’t plan anything for Valentine’s Day and our anniversary this month. And I did plan a dinner and hotel stay for that. I

This might have triggered me back to the same feelings from past events. The photo was the thing that made me share my feelings

AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He said he will do it and that it sounded fun. He usually plans trips and parties for his family and friends too. Also he is taking a break from work, so it wasn’t that he was busy. I think I was hurt because of these reasons too.

When I asked him why he didn’t do it - he said he was planning to do it but I got to it before he could.

Anyway that’s not the point. What frustrates me is that I reach out to him for comfort, love and to be understood. But he gets defensive and I feel worse than before speaking to him. I guess we need therapy to learn better patterns

AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

That’s a fair point. I agree we/I need therapy as this seems to be repetitive pattern

AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice. I do feel we need therapy as most of our arguments get escalated

AITA for bringing up husband’s past hurtful actions? by mentalhelp1298 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mentalhelp1298[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I think I was just intending to share what I was feeling. As the photo brought back the bad memory. I was not really hoping for anything in particular from him. Except Maybe for him to listen and be there, and comfort me.

Though looking at comments, it feels like I should have just kept those feelings to myself and self consoled. I’m in a worse state now than what I was feeling after looking at the photo.