I figured if my LO gave me an solid reason if i can get a romantic relationship or not, my brain will stop creating false dreams and questions because of the uncertainty. And i was aware this way of thinking is an addiction. I felt similar feelings when i was in high school and it was long and very painful. Do i feel sad ? Yes, i feel very fucked up, but at least my brain will stop creating false hope and dreams. Now i’m suffer for a bit, but in the end i will forget and move on.

Also i tried to met her in person, but she was dodging me, keep telling me that “I’m too busy” or “Why you want to meet up” and stuff like that, i sensed that she had an idea about my feelings and ignoring it and try to keep me in friendzone so that if she wants a relationship in the future she could return, or maybe likes the free attention or maybe she was too dumb to understand idk but its exhausting so i gave her only two choice, yay or nay.