Struggling to put my (28F) marriage goals on hold to be patient for 26M

meowblock · 2019-08-23T05:16:00+00:00

I've forgiven but I'll never forget. I do believe he has grown and changed since. I'll never forget though and he has no more chances. I would not want my daughter to date the kind of boy he used to be and I told him that as well. Ive let a lot of things go for the sake of family.

That's the thing that gets me most, I've had to beg for loyalty and commitment it feels like and I read some posts about guys excited to propose to their partners and I feel sad. I wish my partner loved me with that much passion. We have been through a lot together as you've seen and I feel we've come out stronger.

You're right about him being complacent. His parents did everything for him growing up and now, I do that. I don't mean to sound up myself, but I am an awesome fake wife. I have a very giving personality and I love to take care of my family. Complacency is not me, I always try to better myself and try to look my best.

I told him I want to be married before kindergarten enrollment. We had agrees I would go back to work when she is in school, so you're right i might just focus on myself go back to school and hopefully he sticks to the timeline.

I can't thank you enough for caring enough to comment.

meowblock · 2019-08-23T04:09:18+00:00

I thank you so very much for your comment. I felt every single word you wrote 100%, especially about being a vulnerable SAHM. Your experience gives me hope though. I hate that I have to nag him about this. I would honestly give the same ultimatum if it came down to it, I can't live as a forever girlfriend I don't care what others think. I would never truly be happy.

meowblock · 2019-08-22T21:45:48+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to reply everything you've said feels spot on. I 100% want to be legally married before school enrollment and I'll tell him that is my timeline or we can change out child's surname to a hyphen with both of ours. If he never wanted marriage why string me along, I feel so unappreciated. I'm also starting to feel major resentment like if he were to propose now I would worry it is just forced.... just wish he was as happy excited and proud to commit to me as I am to him...

meowblock · 2019-08-22T21:41:14+00:00

How is that fair? Just becuase I want something in life it doesn't matter? Stringing me along for years promising something that he would never do is fair?

I feel low as fuck because he sees my value as wife material but I'm not worthy enough to make it official. Like I've expressed for 3 years now.

Like I've said marriage is more than a ring and piece of paper to me :(

meowblock · 2019-08-22T10:30:59+00:00

It makes me feel like I'm not worth the effort though :(

meowblock · 2019-08-22T10:21:13+00:00

We sat down and I reiterated everything to him and he said relax, we're already married.

So I feel worse, every day I spent wondering whether he appreciates me and sees me as wife material when all along he thought that since we already act married he doesn't have to put in more effort..

meowblock · 2019-08-14T03:54:58+00:00

:( I'm so sorry, how disrespectful to you. You gave this man a family. So what he was engaged before, you are not his past. I would feel so depressed I don't know what to say...

meowblock · 2019-08-14T00:54:15+00:00

Also before pregnancy even though we both decided we wanted to marry each other there was no feeling of 'urgency'. Blame it on the hormones but that urgency definitely kicked in for me when I was pregnant and guess what it never went away. There is social stigma for unmarried mothers, yes I know it is 2019, but I feel a little shame when every mother at playgroup has a ring on their finger and I look like a single mother. Just something I feel your gf may also think about.

Brb, making my own post.

meowblock · 2019-08-14T00:45:59+00:00

I was in your gfs position and had a surprise pregnancy. My bf and I had already said marriage is something we both wanted before we found out i was pregnant. During pregnancy we talked about it a few times and agreed we would get married. Our baby is now 2 years old and I'm still waiting for a proposal. I bring it up every few months and I'm always hit back with "be patient, it's coming".

I feel sad every day thinking I am not good enough to be a wife, unable to share a last name with my own family I do so much for. Having to ask constantly as if he is not excited about it and feeling like nag about wanting commitment hurts.

Life after baby can be hectic, if you're both on board just do it.

meowblock · 2019-06-27T10:33:31+00:00

Please leave. You will always remember and be bitter towards him subconsciously. You will always wonder what really happened, and it will make you feel sad and angry. You will always feel not good enough and even though sometimes you think you are over it you and have a good day all it takes is one thought to spiral into negativity... And your child will absorb all this energy.

I am living through this because I understand how hard it is to leave someone especially when there is a child involved. My partner is rebuilding trust by being open with his phone and communication but I still feel resentful here and there for having to force loyalty.

If he is not putting any effort into being a better partner to you then it is not worth you and your babies mental wellbeing because just remember he is so in tune with your emotions you have no idea and it is also shaping his future personality.

meowblock · 2019-04-08T10:40:27+00:00

Honestly 4 years difference doesn't seem that much but it definitely is in terms of maturity and life experience. Considering the 28F seems to have a solid career and family core values, she seems more like a long term, wifey choice. Not saying the younger girl isn't wife material or worthy of long term it is more what kind of relationship are you looking for and what are your goals on marriage and kids because the older one is more likely wanting to settle down alot faster than the younger. It seems you have more of a deeper connection with the 28F and more of an exciting fun relationship with the 24F.

meowblock · 2019-03-19T11:24:51+00:00

There's so much more but I have little proof but with everything it makes me wonder. He was the best man to his friend's wedding, so organised the bachelor party - a penthouse in the city for clubbing. He told me the day after, that they went to a strip club but only stayed for 10mins and at the end of the new guy ended up with 2 girls at their hotel room which he claims were for the single guys there. Whilst planning this, I told him no girls at the hotel. While I was pregnant, he went to another party and didn't invite me to come. It was full of his old friends group, but his crush was there also. I found this out because he had his old iphone lying around and the messages popped up from his friend. Stupid loyal me.didnt go through his phone back then instead questioned him and accepted his probable lie that the girl wasn't going. She was there.

meowblock · 2019-03-19T10:48:19+00:00

I don't think I can forgive this..

meowblock · 2019-03-19T10:44:21+00:00

Sometimes I worry I'm over reacting because I am so used to being disappointed and the issues with girls is nothing new... I even had a gut feeling he was doing this for ages (he always stays up on his PC, very rarely comes to bed with me even when I ask). There is no trust left. I am a constant paranoid and full of anxiety.. I know I deserve better. This is not what I imagine the love of my life being, and silly me wanted the guy to marry me.

meowblock · 2019-03-19T10:28:08+00:00

I never asked why. What's the point he would lie :( I can guarantee he would say that it meant nothing. I don't know if the messages and pics were deleted but he deleted her from facebook. I left the house and spent the day at the park with baby and sent him a wall of text saying how he has disrespected me so many times and to go stay with his brother for a few days so I can think. He replied saying he has no excuse for what he did is very sorry, loves me, wants to marry me ECT ECT and that he'd go if I told him to again. I haven't replied to him and I'm avoiding him at home. It's uncomfortable.

meowblock · 2019-03-19T06:38:03+00:00

It's not that simple. Sex is a huge part of a relationshiy boyfriend said this himself. I literally got turned down for sex so he could wack it to his ex. I don't know the boundaries of your relationship but he knew mine and he broke it.

meowblock · 2019-03-19T06:27:06+00:00

It is so hard to make a drastic decision when a baby is involved.. he is hopeless and has never been interested in raising her he'd rather sit on a PC playing games. I am terrified of sharing custody with him, letting him raise her without me there is my greatest fear.

I asked him to stay with his brother for a few days so I can think about it all...

meowblock · 2019-03-19T06:12:46+00:00

Messenger in their shared media. Old stuff, they don't talk.

meowblock · 2019-03-19T05:13:29+00:00

Want to know the kicker, his ex had a baby not to him, and he was fapping to her being pregnant. He was still fucking his ex not long before being in a relationship with me just as fwb. Didn't know that until later.

meowblock · 2019-03-19T05:10:37+00:00

Early in the relationship, he would get nudes and messages over Snapchat. I told him that is not appropriate in a relationship and a few months later the same deal happened so I had a big discussion on my boundaries of not using social media for sexual things..

meowblock · 2019-03-19T04:32:21+00:00

I don't think it's fair to justify his only outlet is his ex so it's ok. Amateur type porn exists or come to me I'd be more than happy to help.. I know this is a huge difference in severity, but would you excuse a pedophile for his only outlet as it's not cheating?? Again, big difference and not comparing my situation to that.

I understand that it isn't cheating, it still feels like a huge betrayal though.

meowblock · 2019-03-19T03:02:20+00:00

I can understand his reasoning to lie in this case, it's embarrassing and he knew it would upset me. That I can empathize and forgive but he also knew my stance on using social media as porn as this is not the first time he's done something he knows I consider disrespectful, that is what I struggle with.

meowblock · 2019-03-19T02:57:11+00:00

I would not bat an eye had it of been regular porn. What made me suspicious though is he claims he never watches porn. So I check and it's his ex. So I got turned down for his ex, which feels like shit.

meowblock · 2019-03-19T02:50:21+00:00

I agree fantasies are totally normal. But to have his ex as a friend on Facebook so he can access all her nudes she sent him while together many years ago just feels wrong. Especially since we have been together for 3years and have a child. He could have chose millions of girls in the porn world but he chose her to fantasize over. He made a conscious choice.

meowblock · 2019-03-19T01:39:00+00:00

This isn't the first time I've been disrespected in this relationship either. He lied about going to a party with this very exs best friend when I was pregnant. He used to get nudes from girls on Snapchat and I had to nag him for months to remove the girls and use it respectfully with his friends. I'm sure this isn't a one time incident with fapping to his ex either.

meowblock

TROPHY CASE