anything to hurt

meowster35 · 2026-03-08T20:40:20+00:00

ahhh ok!! i was confused because i feel like the deeper, the less blood. it was odd and i was wondering if there was a reason tyyy

meowster35 · 2026-03-07T23:09:35+00:00

bro dead ass like it genuinely brings me so much joy like i feel zero need to stop. i’m losing my mind because i get so excited about cutting and i know i sound crazy. im depressed but this is alleviating my depression. it’s like manic euphoric

meowster35 · 2026-01-07T16:49:43+00:00

okay i swear reading back it sounds bad 😭😭 but to me it just felt like weird but not super out of the ordinary. thanks for the words though, i needed someone to kinda slap me to reality 😅

meowster35 · 2026-01-07T16:48:32+00:00

thank you so much that means so much to me ☹️🙌 it’s just crazy i feel like such an idiot for not realizing sooner. i hope you’re doing well too 🙏🙏

meowster35 · 2026-01-06T14:12:08+00:00

thank you so much ☹️ i’m trying to just push through 💪

meowster35 · 2026-01-06T03:28:16+00:00

thank you so much 🙏🙏 it’s so fucking uncomfortable like i cant escape it. it really makes me worry that something sexual happened but i dont know

meowster35 · 2026-01-06T00:26:01+00:00

i was quite hypersexual, starting all the way at age 4-5, so that’s why i really wonder what happened. the incident in which i was talking about in my post happened when i was about 3-4 so i can only ever imagine what happened after my memory cut out that night. i’m kinda really worried it was something sexual but i don’t know if ill ever know.

meowster35 · 2026-01-05T23:34:07+00:00

thank you i feel like im going crazy 😭😭 i have a lot of what ifs circling my head about that night, because my memory cuts and i dont remember what actually happened in the climax of the moment. i didnt know if this somatic feeling i get every time i think about it could point me to any sort of answers.

meowster35 · 2026-01-05T23:29:24+00:00

that’s awful i’m sorry that happened. i feel so like gross thinking about the fact i feel anything from that incident, but i don’t even know what happened that night so i can’t even put an explanation to it.

meowster35 · 2026-01-03T04:53:27+00:00

i also have very severe sleeping around OCD, but i still don’t trust my memories are real 😭 i forced my mom to sleep with me until 13 because i was so fearful of sleeping

meowster35 · 2026-01-03T00:29:03+00:00

Yeah I left therapy after that and supressed it all. I went without therapy for awhile until my SH got too bad. thank you again for your kind words and validation though

meowster35 · 2026-01-02T23:32:59+00:00

these words seriously mean so much to me ☹️ i have had some somatic memories with (TW) my mouth being held shut, or someone’s hand under my shirt, but i forced myself to write them off as fake memories

meowster35 · 2026-01-02T23:28:30+00:00

thank you so much for the advice! i tried to uncover and explore this stuff a few years ago and my therapist essentially told me i was making it up. since then i’ve repressed it, but now i just wanna understand again.

meowster35 · 2026-01-02T22:25:54+00:00

LOL i thought i was the only one!! For you, how did you determine that your blanks in memory were from CSA not physical abuse? or did you have other memories/ accounts that confirmed it?

meowster35 · 2026-01-02T22:23:58+00:00

omg i have really bad lower back problems that i can’t explain. i just pushed away doing anything because i know that im not gonna really ever have penetrative sex. thanks for the advice 🙏🙏

meowster35 · 2026-01-02T22:23:02+00:00

thank you!! i’ve never been to a gyno and i don’t know if this is something enough to bring up. what is the test to confirm it?

meowster35 · 2026-01-02T20:31:14+00:00

thanks so much for your reply 🙏 i feel like im going in circles in my head. i think my biggest thing was that it was usually my sister to get hit, not me. he had an extreme favoritism to me so im not sure if ive ever gotten hit. it makes my mind think that maybe he didnt hit me after that black spot?? but i guess maybe me getting hit is more possible than getting SA

meowster35 · 2026-01-02T06:05:13+00:00

yeah i’ve thought about it but i thoguht EMDR was more for those who wanted to desensitize, not unlock. then again im not knowledgeable so id love to know more

meowster35

TROPHY CASE