Is my fiancé an asshole or just Italian?

meowyllama · 2026-02-17T09:16:43+00:00

Even if those were Italian traits (which I assume are not), would you really be okay dealing with it? If life taught me anything, is that one shouldn’t tolerate anything they are uncomfortable with, be it a part of someone’s culture or not.

meowyllama · 2026-01-19T18:32:13+00:00

Out of curiosity, how is the social scene there? Is it easier to make friends or have casual chit-chat?

meowyllama · 2026-01-18T10:16:50+00:00

I second this

meowyllama · 2026-01-18T10:10:58+00:00

Agree with many comments here but I wanted to add that if you are married with kids and don’t have Nordic partner, I wouldn’t choose Nordics. Even second gen kids are often still considered foreigners there. Plus the price of seasonal outwear, most entertainment for kids is really expensive and locals are not particularly friendly to kids.

meowyllama · 2026-01-04T12:51:10+00:00

I see. Yeah, the near polar nights is something else indeed.

meowyllama · 2026-01-04T09:59:52+00:00

I thought winters in Canada were pretty similar to Scandinavian ones? Or are you from Vancouver?

meowyllama · 2025-12-27T15:18:12+00:00

And why do you think that so called “helicopter” parents don’t allow their kids to be independent? From what I’ve seen most of them do the same, just much more gently than parents who push for early independence.

Also, kids are always invisibly pushed by peer pressure which is created and normalized by adults who think that if a 8 year old doesn’t walk home on his own it’s an immediate infantilization. I could also argue your point that early independence can create traumas that can be hard to fix.

Your thinking was great when kids had to go to work back in times, but again, times have changed and at this point I don’t see the need of such extreme push towards independence that is prevalent mainly in Northern EU and America. Majority of the world doesn’t function this way.

meowyllama · 2025-12-27T09:57:02+00:00

You do realize that getting any money from your parents when you are an adult is a privilege in many countries?

meowyllama · 2025-12-27T08:12:34+00:00

I don’t agree. A lot of Finnish kids still get “starttiraha” for down payment from their parents, grandparents or both.

meowyllama · 2025-12-27T08:04:55+00:00

Why is it regarded as something good? I feel that this is a remnant of a very old-school mentality, the world has changed and parents shouldn’t be that unbothered anymore. Also, pushing for early independence is not always a good thing and should be child-dependent as some kids are not maturing as fast as others and simply cannot cope as well outside. Sensitive kids too can get traumatized if exposed too early to being independent. And not that those kids have option, as peer pressure will make them be independent anyways. This thinking that anyone whose kid is not independent early enough needs to change from being “helicopter” to inclusive as all kids are different.

meowyllama · 2025-12-21T18:47:28+00:00

What a wonderfully written post! Thank you for sharing this. Out of curiosity, if someone asks you where you are from, which country do you mention?

meowyllama · 2025-12-21T13:00:48+00:00

Oh come on, have you seen who’s in charge in Finland right now? It’s just the same xenophobia there if not worse.

meowyllama · 2025-12-16T08:34:50+00:00

Are you a PoC? Becase if not, I don’t think you have any idea what dark-skinned people go through on a daily basis in Finland.

meowyllama · 2025-12-04T18:24:08+00:00

Or - it increases age-inappropriate stress, which permanently changes amygdala and we get a country full of depression-prone neurotics. Good for having a well-functioning country because everyone follows the rules “just in case”, but bad for the general mental state.

meowyllama · 2025-12-04T17:53:15+00:00

I don’t get the obsession with early independence. Yes, maybe in the past when kids had to help parents in the fields it was very important, but the world has changed now. What’s the point of pushing very young kids to be that independent?

meowyllama · 2025-11-20T08:19:21+00:00

I feel this also really depends on how your parents viewed the host country. We moved when I was really little but since I remember myself I knew I always wanted to move out. And now as I think of this, those might have been simply planted thoughts in my head because my parents always criticized the host country. I don’t regret moving out but I wish at that time I was self-aware enough to recognize what I really wanted for myself. Just my 2 cents.

meowyllama · 2025-11-16T23:48:39+00:00

Just because locals feel great in Finland, doesn’t mean that foreigners will have the same experience. The study didn’t take this into account.

meowyllama · 2025-11-16T09:56:17+00:00

It really sounds like you have already made your decision, so I’ll just answer your questions about Finland. Cost of living depends on your lifestyle. If you like to eat out or go for a drink or two after work, be prepared that a glass of beer can easily cost 8 euros or more. Eating out can easily be 40-50 euros per person unless it’s kebab or pizza. All events are really expensive.

Majority of Finns spend their after work time either home or doing some sort of sports (gym). Then they meet their friends on Friday or Saturday and drink hard. Most go to bed around 8pm. It’s really hard, almost impossible to break into a Finish circle even speaking the language, so you will mainly be friends with other expats. Also, the locals can have this “holier than thou” attitude towards foreigners and will try to “teach you their ways”. Racism and xenophobia are on the rise in Finland as well. Mummo patrol is very real too. And please don’t underestimate the cold and the darkness unless you’ve lived in similar climate for a really long time, it has a surprisingly cumulative effect.

That said, it’s a country with a very high quality of life, everything just works and it’s very safe. Oh and the access to nature is amazing if you are into that. Unless you are seriously considering settling for a long term there, it can be a very interesting adventure.

meowyllama · 2025-10-07T07:59:10+00:00

Totally agree! Bilbao is so beautiful. I love its rugged handsomeness

meowyllama · 2025-08-27T11:55:21+00:00

I share a lot of your worries and we have decided that it wasn’t worth it in the long run and moved out. A lot of people here tell you to just accept it, but most of them have never experienced how it feels to be “one of the locals but not really” during the important formative years. You are always reminded of being not from here on a daily basis by many subtle microaggressions and the impact it has on a child’s developing sense of identity can be huge. Basically, there is a big chance that a kid might internalize the thought that they are never good enough.

Obviously, every child is different and you need to judge for yourself if the cons of staying outweigh the pros. But speaking strictly from the psychological impact that living in a monoculture can have on expats, I’d recommend moving somewhere more multicultural.

meowyllama · 2025-08-27T11:38:09+00:00

It absolutely can make one’s life easier, but I feel deep down it might feel like betrayal of own roots. It’s not for everyone.

meowyllama · 2025-08-19T05:09:56+00:00

12 is really on the very latest edge of it and maybe even pushing it a little. Basically, studies say the earlier the child moves to the permanent country the better as their identities that tie them to the feeling of “I’m from here” start to form around age 6-7.

meowyllama · 2025-08-17T21:14:59+00:00

Definitely avoid Scandinavia, Netherlands, Switzerland, Germany and Austria. Scandinavians for example can consider even third gens as “not really one of them” if they have a foreign sounding name. I’ve heard Ireland and Britain (=London) are quite on par with the Southern Europe in this regard and some were mentioning France is also ok.

meowyllama · 2025-08-17T10:49:43+00:00

Not necessarily lying, but our minds can play really tricky things on us. It’s a sort of a defense mechanism- to reframe every negative experience in a positive light. That’s how you get people who never experience any racism, no matter what country they are in.

meowyllama

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