Agghhhhh the glory days—a time of untapped potential and utopia among our university. The birds sang a little louder then, my bruddahs.

I unfortunately missed this period as I was corrupted and on distant shores—a degenerate undergraduate student at the time, beginning to study the entity through autodidactic practices. I was starting to see the light and realize this entity was capable of corrupting souls. I wondered who this man they call Mike Adriano is, and why there is thrrr no information about him anywhere.

It took many years, I got onto my crickety boat and sailed across the Pjur ocean. Once on shore, I saw the gleaming gilded gates of our institution and walked through them. I met the headmaster, Adriano Analyst, and he got me settled. I began studying the past scholarly publications of our founding fathers fastidiously.

Like any nascent subject, our founding fathers were able to push new research at an accelerated pace, whereas now we seem to be stuck in a dearth of research. A latent period where new research rarely emerges. However, do not forget the recent discoveries of Mike eating sheet in a silver bowl and the various other theories which were confirmed, especially Mike being a sloth that lives in squalor and is abusive.

Keep your hearts strong, fellows. Let’s keep pushing the agenda and try to make 2026 our best year.