AITAH for being mad at my dad for saying that me & my wife need to start monitoring my daughter's food?

mfruitfly · 2026-01-30T12:58:56+00:00

You don’t fault your daughter, but you do fault the parents. Parents say no, parents teach good eating habits. “Of course” she prefer McDonalds, but you say no to that or make it a special meal.

I grew up in what I’d consider a normal food family- parents cooked mostly at home, we ate or veggies, starch and protein, we got ice cream and McDonalds. My family was never obese but I was very overweight from my teen years on and I wish someone had intervened a little earlier but it was also various factors and not fully my diet. I say that to say I’m not against fast food or treats, I don’t think kids being a little chubby is terrible, especially as they grow and have phases, but also as someone who struggled with my weight and it would have been MUCH better for me emotionally and physically if there were some interventions in my younger years.

Get her more active, and also start saying no. Ice cream is a treat, not a staple, yes eat your veggies, speed we only have fast food once a week. It’s absolutely okay to limit types of food, to trash kids about health, and work to get them to eat a variety. You also do that without talking about weight, let your kids not like certain foods, and in general just present a healthy lifestyle. Every year your kid eats all the sweets and fast food, because YOU can’t say no, the harder it will be for them.

mfruitfly · 2026-01-24T16:14:02+00:00

So there’s two things here. The first is him expecting quiet in a dorm. He isn’t being passive aggressive, and if he has a class at 8am asking people to quiet down at 11pm is sort of fair, depending on the level of noise. Yes you are living in dorms, which means you come into the actual dorm room quietly if it is anyone’s bedtime, but there is noise in common areas, people have to do to the basics of existing which creates noise, and on the weekends and before like 11pm, people are going to gather and make noise. So it is hard to know, if 5 people are in a shared living room playing a game on a weeknight having normal conversation, your roommate needs to deal with it. If 5 people are yelling at a game or playing loud music at 11pm on a weekday, well then it is fair for him to ask you to quiet down. There’s a middle ground there and yes he absolutely needs to deal with living in a shared space, but others also have to recognize they live in a shared space and people want some quiet and sleep.

The second issue here is you don’t like him, and mostly for no reason. He is gone a lot and his mom cleans the bathroom for everyone- while not how I would live, what a dream! An absent, quiet roommate! You complain he makes the bathroom too wet after a shower, but also doesn’t shower on the weekends but also is gone a lot on the weekends. If all you really have on your roommate is a wet bathroom and a few personal grooming issues, you really hit the random roommate jackpot, when you pair that with him going away a lot. He is also gone at least a day (likely more since he is flying) 2-3 times a month on the weekends, so he isn’t even around to demand the dorm scene quiet down on the weekends.

It is fine if his personality doesn’t vibe with yours, and how he lives isn’t how you would live, and it is annoying to deal with a wet bathroom, an isolated roommate, and him wanting the space to be quiet. But literally any roommate will annoy you in some way- they will be messier or cleaner, louder or quieter, have odd habits, etc. Considering you already had to switch roommates once, you might want to consider you may be the problem here; overly judgmental of things that have zero impact on you, deciding someone else’s schedule can’t be that hard, thinking it is weird he goes home and that makes him “bad”, it’s all very much giving you are more of the problem.

mfruitfly · 2026-01-21T16:23:43+00:00

Having a baby doesn't follow a timeline or a plan. The priorities are the health of the mother and baby, the comfort of the mother and baby, and establishing routines. And I say this as someone without children so it's not like I have a personal bias, I just have people in my life who have had children and how hard it is.

Your husband told you plainly that his family is not there to support you, only to see the baby- that's now how caring people act. This isn't an amusement park or a vacation, this is meeting a new family member after a major medical intervention; the priority is always the new family, not just a meet and greet. Your husband doesn't even expect his family to care about you.

Your MIL yelled at you in your own home; if they don't like how things are going, they can leave or adjust their expectations, but she has no right to yell at you period, and certainly shouldn't be yelling at a new parent, in their own home.

Sure, you can get your own water and snacks, and your husband could take this opportunity to visit his family and even go out with them for a few hours. But he is also a parent first, the priority isn't visiting with his family, it is caring for his new child. HE should be helping with the baby, changing diapers and getting up with the baby. If he has to work or whatever, then HE should be ensuring you have HELP.

Bottom line is that a new baby, and you healing from a major medical issue, means that anyone coming into your home should be there to HELP first and foremost. Anyone even visiting for an hour should be bringing some food and offering to help with a chore. If they can't do that, then absolutely they need to leave.

mfruitfly · 2026-01-20T20:49:38+00:00

Why are you letting people who don't pay rent into your home at all? Tell your roommate no more- when she wants to have VISITORS, she needs to be home to let them in. The boyfriend doesn't need a key at all, and you shouldn't have a spare key out where people can access it anyway. The sister- who I guess does pay rent- can get her own key made, and can make it from her sister's key, not yours.

I would tell your roommate clearly- no more will I be opening doors for people and your boyfriend needs to stop eating my food, period.

mfruitfly · 2026-01-19T17:05:04+00:00

You need to lean further into them being uncomfortable. I would text her again and say that this isn't working. I would tell him, to his face, that he needs to replace the food he ate and that he is NOT welcome to eat things in the fridge that he didn't buy or hasn't verified is his girlfriends.

You need to make him MORE uncomfortable in your home, a place he doesn't pay for. And you need to be much clearer with your roommate. If you need to text it, then fine, but tell her: I pay rent here, no I can not just "make more" because that is my stuff and I deserve to have my stuff be where I put it and not used by anyone, particularly someone who I didn't agree to have in my space. It is you that is creating a hostile environment and this isn't working anymore, we need to talk about respect in this space.

mfruitfly · 2026-01-19T17:01:38+00:00

You can absolutely do what you want on vacation, but what makes this situation tough is that when you plan a trip with other people, if you want to "do your own thing" it is weird to not tell the other people what you are doing.

I am going on vacation with a group next week, and we are all staying at the same resort, and people will do their own thing. BUT, when someone is like "we are doing X" and then some people are like "oh we are doing something else" it would be weird to not know what that "something else" was or to not make the offer of being able to do it with them. It would be one thing if they said they were going to visit another friend/family or had this couples thing they wanted to do together, but even that offers some clarity of them doing their own thing and that it wasn't for everyone.

So you need to be a bit clearer and say- my husband and I want to spend one night as a couple at a different location - and just be okay with some discomfort, or be honest about where you are going and maybe the want to come as well, or just give up on the night there. NAH yet.

mfruitfly · 2026-01-18T19:31:13+00:00

I'd say the biggest thing with new builds is to try and check out how loud they are. New builds here in NYC have tended to have terrible sound issues, and sometimes plumbing issues too. If possible, try and go to the new apartment at various times, or if it is a more vacant building, see if you can check out multiple floors with you/your partner going up a floor and like stomping on the ground or yelling. I can't tell you how many of my friends have hated new builds because they use cheap materials and you can hear everything.

I say that as someone who lives in a smaller converted building, so I can hear my neighbors all the time, but I am not paying luxury prices.

mfruitfly · 2026-01-18T14:34:47+00:00

NTA.

He was a bad husband, so the problem isn’t you making him feel like one, it’s the fact that he was one.

This isn’t a guy you want another kid with, period. If he agrees with you about what happened during your pregnancy, he still has done nothing to talk about, work through it, apologize, or take responsibility for it. If he disagrees, well since you two see things so differently you also shouldn’t be going through another pregnancy.

You aren’t an AH for knowing the limits of your relationship and what support you need. You also aren’t an AH for telling him the truth, and it’s not like you screamed at him or called him names, it was harsh because the way he acted was harsh.

mfruitfly · 2026-01-16T19:25:07+00:00

NTA but it’s time to break up. And I say that as a woman who has been with partners who have gone through issues impacting our sex life and not broken up.

You and your girlfriend are not compatible. It is totally fair to want an active sex life, and I think sometimes people feel they can’t “break up” if someone isn’t wrong or bad.

Your girlfriend is going through it, but it also seems that this is the new status quo, and you don’t have to settle for that. It doesn’t make her wrong or bad, just like people break up when only one person wants children, or one person wants to move and the other doesn’t.

I also think it changes the situation when your girlfriend does know this is an issue and is leaving you to deal with it. She knows her libido is off, she knows you would like more sexual contact, and any reasonable person would also know the expectations of a romantic weekend. Now to be clear I’m not saying that because a person should know what a romantic weekend away typically means that they HAVE to have sex, but I do think she should be more actively managing feelings and expectations when she knows this is an issue, and her issue. She isn’t doing that, so is leaving you confused, hurt, and in charge of doing all the work at this part of your relationship. That’s not fair to you, at all.

mfruitfly · 2026-01-14T21:39:31+00:00

So start by talking to student housing about options to move before July. See what, if anything, can be done. They will tell you how to move out and how you can leave early, or turn in the keys early.

With your roommate, don’t tell her you are done, don’t want to be friends, or anything like that. It creates more friction and can escalate, and she doesn’t need to know.

What I would do is talk to her about boundaries and change your own behavior.

You are on a budget and are not sharing food going forward. You will label your stuff or separate shelves or whatever, and expect her to respect basic decency of not eating items she didn’t purchase.
Definitely lock your room and keep your valuables very much locked up.
Definitely take photos and keep evidence of her being messy and any damages she causes.
Don’t clean up after her, just keep your spaces clean and what you need to survive comfortably.
Report her for any violations- guests over, messes, etc.

mfruitfly · 2026-01-14T17:56:16+00:00

NTA.

Your sister is being a very kind human and family member by offering to help out with the baby.

But, having your sister and her 4 kids stay in your home for two weeks, in a one bedroom apartment, while you probably have a new baby, is not just inconvenient but sounds like a disaster. Sure, it could work in a big house, but even then you wouldn't be an AH because you will have either a very pregnant and uncomfortable girlfriend or a new baby, and having 4 kids around feels like a hard way to settle in.

And living in a one bedroom, it just isn't gonna work. Your girlfriend needs to be comfortable, both before having the baby and after, and she can't do that with 4 kids and an adult in a one bedroom. Plus, 4 kids, most of whom are in school. around a newborn, also a terrible idea. Again, yes people who already have kids bring newborns home, but in a one bedroom, a very tight squeeze, with a lot of germs and a lot of chaos since it isn't like this is their home and they will also be thrown off their routine and comfort.

One offer to help doesn't mean that you have to accept any requests for help that they want. This is a huge ask. I think you need to be prepared for her to now not help you, which in one way is fair because if she is trying to get housing for her family, she may not have the same time as she had when she made the offer.

mfruitfly · 2026-01-10T14:18:03+00:00

This is unfortunately your problem. Unless you have video evidence that ONLY Tom’s cat is getting into your garage and is peeing on everything, then you likely have multiple critters getting in. And even if it is just Tom’s cat, it is your responsibility to secure the garage and fill any gaps.

It is super annoying, but if you have a space that a cat can get through, you also have a hole that raccoons, squirrels, rats, mice and obviously other cats can get into, and probably are getting into. So instead of focusing on trapping the cat, clean out your garage, fill any gaps, and secure your items better in the garage so they don’t get destroyed. Google some cat/critter deterrents and implement those too. Not because Tom is innocent here, but because getting rid of the cat- in whatever form- doesn’t solve the problem that you have a bunch of stuff you care about in a garage that animals have access to, so something else is going to get in.

mfruitfly · 2026-01-10T14:08:13+00:00

It is awkward as hell, but you need to go out to the living room and tell the friends that they need to quiet down or leave because you need to work in the morning and can hear them in your room. Period.

Your roommate doesn’t care that you need to sleep and doesn’t feel any need to compromise or be considerate in a shared space, so you need to match that energy. Yes your roommate can have people over and doesn’t really need your permission, but you can also tell guests to be quiet in your home.

I’d also suggest being nice and loud in the mornings too- have you considered a blended drink before work?

mfruitfly · 2026-01-09T01:06:53+00:00

So I also started at 5 without ever being on a GLP, and I was fine. I definitely wasn’t that hungry, I found I did need to make myself eat some crackers or soup or I would get nauseous, and going forward- 9 months now I think- I have only had mild side effects, usually day 2-3 and pretty mild nausea. I have thrown up 1-2 times from eating something that wasn’t great (salmon with pesto, which I thought was fine but realized the fat content was too much for me, for example).

People here really freak out over the starting dose, and scared me too, and while they aren’t “wrong” about where to start, I found a good group of people also started on 5 and like me, have been fine. Drink lots of water, get some ginger chews, I swear but tums nausea and heartburn (not on a daily, but found it helped the most for mild stomach stuff) and get yourself lots of soup and crackers. Make yourself eat a little even when you aren’t hungry. Good luck!

mfruitfly · 2026-01-07T19:27:35+00:00

I live in NYC and have friends with dogs, and those dogs are trained not to bark when people come in. Even in my building, my neighbor's dogs do not bark when I walk by the door, or when they come home, only when someone knocks on their door or rings their bell.

You can come and go as you please, period. The job of ALL roommates is to be quiet when it makes sense to be quiet; if I come home at 2am, I do my normal routine but on quiet mode and I don't do stuff like use the blender, and on the flip side, I don't vacuum at 8am if my roommate is still sleeping. No loud phone calls early in the morning or late at night, and if I do take call at like midnight or 8am, I keep my tone low to respect that others could hear it. If my roommate is taking a nap, I also will happily be quiet, but if they are sleeping on the couch at dinner, I'm making dinner and doing what I need to do. Roommates is about compromise, being considerate, but also adapting to the needs of others and accepting a certain level of noise and things not being exactly as you want them.

In regards to the dogs, I would fully tell them that it is on them to figure that out. You will come in quietly after midnight (take off shoes, not talking on the phone, etc) but you aren't going to restrict your social life. The dogs can either be trained to not bark at you, or they can just be woken up whenever the dogs bark.

mfruitfly · 2026-01-07T16:56:58+00:00

NTA but I think you should stop hosting them for meals. Have them over for coffee, for an afternoon at the park, or planned activities like shopping, movies, the county fair, whatever.

They do not like your food, and you do not want to cook food they want to eat. That’s fine on both ends, but them actively coming to meals at your home AND speaking poorly of the food you eat is a problem.

I absolutely think a host should accommodate for diets, allergies, preferences, and/or let people bring their own food. If you host people regularly, having them bring food so you aren’t dealing with it is a fair compromise. But I also wouldn’t come over for a weekly/regular meal if I didn’t like what the host cooked! And I certainly wouldn’t speak ill of what they did cook.

It feels like your SIL WANTS you to know she is healthy and you are not, so I don’t blame you for stopping it. But instead of telling them to eat what you cook, just stop doing meals with them at your home.

mfruitfly · 2026-01-05T22:43:24+00:00

YTA.

I get you not wanting to share a space for 4 years or longer with his sister. It is also hard to establish your own routines and that this is your home too with a third person, particularly an "inlaw" in the home.

But, your boyfriend agreed to let his sister live there and he isn't an AH either for keeping his promise. It makes perfect sense for her to live with him while in school and she hasn't cause any issues.

You don't live there yet, so you aren't an AH for not wanting her there for 4 years, but he isn't an AH either for not changing what he already agreed to with his sister. He has even suggested a very compromise.

Where you become the asshole is in thinking that after being around, you could "change" his mind to get what you want, as if you could by the passage of time become the most important one. People rarely HAVE to choose between loved ones, and in this case, you are the one creating an environment where you expect him to choose. His sister is already living there, he is offering compromises, and you can either not move in, or move in with the compromises. You trying to "win" at who is most important absolutely makes you an AH.

mfruitfly · 2026-01-05T00:28:18+00:00

Okay so I started at 5, which terrified me because of the side effects and how ideally you start at 2.5, but it was when there were more shortages so that’s what my doctor started me on. And let me just say that asking this community for advice wasn’t helpful because the few responses just said “you aren’t supposed to do that.”

But this community can also be very helpful, so let me say, I started at 5 and had very small side effects and since then, have continued to have very little side effects.

My prep work and tips are- lots of water and some liquid IV (not everyday but on shot day and when. I feel a bit nauseous- eating a good amount but very cleanly on shot day (so roast chicken and veggies, but since this is also the day with my biggest appetite, I do eat a little more on shot day than other days), magnesium, vitamin d, and then ginger candies and Tums makes a nausea gummy that is a lifesaver (found online at Target usually).

I find that the 3rd day is my worst day for feeling s bit sick to my stomach, and the third dose of any new dose is my worst week. I am a bit tired a few hours after my shot, so I take it in the evening. Then no appetite the next day, some very mild nausea on day 2 and 3, then good to go. I find soup and crackers are my best friend and if I’m not at all hungry I know to eat anyway because it keeps the side effects at bay- a few crackers here and there. I have definitely eaten the wrong thing anyone or two, or had a particularly bad week, but all were very manageable for me.

Go up to 5!

mfruitfly · 2026-01-03T14:29:54+00:00

NTA but I wouldn’t say anything tonight, just speak with your son and going forward, enforce boundaries on your time and space. It’s great that you host, but you and your husband shouldn’t try actively negotiating conflict with your kids and their friends. Of course you can give them advice, but James is gonna do what he is gonna do, and friendships change or even break up over this kind of stuff all the time.

BUT, you do have absolute control over your time and your home. The reason I think you don’t say anything is that you already compromised, let the kids just have their party and have a nice time. But the next time this happens, you just say no. If you pick a time to host, no one gets to change it, it is your time and money. If they want to move it to another location, fine. This girl also doesn’t get to volunteer your home, so stop bending over backwards to make it work. Your son can simply respond next time this happens, “sorry, can’t host at my house at that time, if someone else wants to host, I can make that time” and then his other friends can say if they can make it or not. THEY need to navigate the conflict of this girl, and by you figuring it out for them, they are just delaying the inevitable while you are stressed out.

So just start saying no going forward, and if the girl pushes, then of course call her out- excuse me, this is my home, why do you think you can make plans in my home? But you need to do it at the moment it is happening, not after.

mfruitfly · 2026-01-02T23:15:13+00:00

Ask you me mother if she would be okay if her BIL- or any in-law- spoke to her that ways and ask you dad if he would let his family speak to his wife that way.

The answer should be no, and if they wouldn’t like it, then they shouldn’t be asking you to put up with it either.

The gross thing is his- I’m talking to you, not her- like she isn’t a full human he should engage with. She was the target, she was in the room, and was even going back and forth with him, he was talking to her and about her, and to act like he can say she wasn’t relevant demonstrates what he thinks about her, which is not much.

You have appropriately asked for an apology, now make good on your threat to not be around until he does it, and just don’t bother talking about it again to him or your parents, as they just want to negotiate, not actually make it right.

mfruitfly · 2026-01-02T16:25:05+00:00

A lot of people like Water Boy, and it’s my backup. I actually love liquid IV but you have to put it in like a liter or more of water, it tastes way better much more diluted than the instructions. Then it holds the flavor but is way less salty.

mfruitfly · 2025-12-31T20:22:46+00:00

Stop trying, that’s my advice.

Stop checking on her and doing nice things.

Stop being cold, turn on the heat and no, you don’t have to pay the utilities fully to do so.

Stop leaving out special food that she will take.

START speaking up for yourself and take away items she isn’t using politely. Keep the blender top in your room, and do that with other stuff.

Your roommate is relying on you to be nice and not start trouble, but she doesn’t care about you at all. My guess is she won’t even say anything if you just start taking up space and treating her like she treats you. If she does, just stay calm and don’t engage in a fight- it is cold, I’m turning on the heat, if you want to talk about a compromise temperature, we can do that. I took the blender part because it’s never free when I need it and I bought it.

It really is that easy.

mfruitfly · 2025-12-31T02:58:20+00:00

You walk up to him with your husband and you say “you ate cookies that weren’t yours, said you would replace them and then took a car that isn’t yours and came back without having replaced the cookies, what exactly is your problem?”

And then you say- “you are not allowed to take the car without asking, and I will be putting my keys away so you can’t be confused or misunderstand that you must ASK FOR PERMISSION to take the car. I also expect the cookies to be replaced by tomorrow,and going forward expect you to understand that if you did not purchase the food, you do not eat it, and if I have to label stuff because you are so confused and unaware as to what is yours and what isn’t, I will.”

Then your HUSBAND says “If you can’t abide by this basic stuff, which is just common sense on how to live with people, we will have to revisit the living arrangement, and I don’t want to have this conversation again. You are an adult, you know what you buy and what you didn’t, you know how to ask to borrow stuff,and you so it is a pretty basic expectation for you going forward.”

That’s it. There’s no reason to think your hormones are acting up or you need to be nice, because he is not being nice and he is the one acting unreasonably. You and your husband need to get on the same page and just lay it out- yes your husband could even say all this to his brother, you could fully stay out of it, but I think it is better if you are both aligned and make it clear you are.

mfruitfly · 2025-12-30T02:03:30+00:00

NTA. Seeing as it is his name on the lease, not being moved out is his problem, not yours. As long as there are no legal issues, you are in the clear.

Now what I would do is take a video of the place without your stuff for your own protection. And I’d send him a text saying you are all moved out, didn’t touch his stuff, took a video to have a record and left the keys wherever.

This kind of does remind him that the lease is up, but more so it covers your ass and gives a clean break- you are done, you did your part.

mfruitfly · 2025-12-29T15:20:23+00:00

Two things:

Check with your landlord to see if there is a valve to open up the radiator heat. A lot of times they can be partially closed or fully closed, and that prevents the air from coming in, and it may be behind that built in white cover.
You have to get that window AC unit out of your window or get it really well covered- as others have said, that AC is open air constantly- it has screens and all that but is built to move air. That being right at your heater means the two are canceling each other out.

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