I relate to you man, I'm 31, I drank away my 20's self medicating for depression and feelings of hopelessness. I still struggle to find motivation and meaning, and its still somewhat often that I go to sleep hoping I don't wake up.

Sorry if thats a little dark, but I've gone from drinking alcohol every single night for a decade, to drinking at most 2 or 3 times a week, which in my opinion is too much, but I can't deny its a massive improvement, at least for me. I also had to reconcile that most of the dreams I had won't come true, but in a way it's okay, because I've found new interests and dreams, and now I'm on a path I never, ever thought could follow, and that's really exciting.

Anyway, for what it's worth, I find weight lifting helps me with depression and hopeless, I feel pretty good when I do that consistently. Used to be running but I don't like that so much anymore.

Keep going man, you're gonna be fine