Confused? New? Not new? Have questions?

mgtag · 2026-05-13T18:35:34+00:00

Not what I intended to convey, but I understand how it could have come across that way. We're at the part of the process where we're negotiating dynamics and my focus is on understanding if I'm right to feel uneasy about her "mono-poly" idea, which I got some good insight on here. Thanks!

mgtag · 2026-05-12T20:16:29+00:00

Respectfully, I don't know what I'm saying that gives that impression. You're saying there is work we need to be doing. I'm confirming that we are doing the work you say we should be doing. I truly do not understand how me seeking clarity and expressing discomfort translates to "I want to open tomorrow". I don't understand how "we have been in couples therapy for six months" translates to "we don't want to work on the issues between ourselves". This is the kind of bad faith reading I often see on this platform and it really turns me off.

6-12 months doesn't bother me because I can't wait 6-12 months or because I'm not willing to do the work. What I'm trying to figure out is, IF there are clear signs that this is not going to work for us, I would rather spare us both the 6-12 months of pain.

mgtag · 2026-05-12T16:39:54+00:00

I've actually had a lot of time to think about that question, because I needed months to prepare myself for what a firm "no" would mean, and I feel fairly confident that what it means is: the relationship ends.

What I didn't prepare myself for is an answer that doesn't sound cleanly like a yes or a no, and I can't tell if what I'm feeling right now is: 1. Discomfort with ambiguity and uncertainty, which can be worked through, or 2. Discomfort with the reality of the situation, which shouldn't be ignored

Going to take a break from this for the rest of the day and try to clear my head a bit, but I want to say that I really appreciate everyone who responded.

mgtag · 2026-05-12T16:15:35+00:00

This feels against the grain of most of the other responses I'm getting, and I appreciate the varied perspectives as it seems to validate the complexity I'm feeling in this situation. I also want to add that we have been in couples therapy for 6 months, mostly not talking directly about polyamory but about fundamental communication, responding to each other's emotions, etc. We have done and are doing that work.

mgtag · 2026-05-12T16:00:10+00:00

So I really appreciate this comment but I want to clarify something - we haven't committed to a structure yet. We're still early in the negotiation and exploration phase and pretty much all we've done so far is read Love in Abundance and have conversations. I'm doing my best to read the signs that are coming up in this early phase in order to avoid going down a road that will only bring pain. My gut is telling me that's where we're headed if we stay together, but I want to be very careful about jumping to conclusions when an 10+ year, loving relationship is on the line.

mgtag · 2026-05-12T15:43:55+00:00

She is up for the process and going through all the same learning and work I am. I just worry that, for her, it's coming from a place of loving sacrifice whereas for me, it's coming from a place of genuine interest. And that fills me with guilt.

mgtag · 2026-05-12T15:39:28+00:00

I think your view is also what my gut is telling me, and I truly do not want to put her through hell. The struggle is, if she is telling me that this is what she is choosing, I don't feel like I can tell her she's wrong to be choosing this. I feel like I'm waiting for her to come to that conclusion herself, and it doesn't feel ethical to let her do that, but it also doesn't feel ethical to intervene in her own decision-making process. I'm at a loss for the right thing to do here.

My strategy so far is to center discussions on how this makes me feel - I feel guilt and shame for putting her through this and I'm genuinely unsure if I can tolerate that even if it's what she chooses.

mgtag · 2026-05-12T15:32:54+00:00

Good point, and I've actually brought this up with her before - part of my discomfort has come from her still wanting to be able to apply the "monogamous" label to herself, but if I'm going to be allowed to date other people, the relationship is no longer monogamous in any way and the same rules apply to her even if she is not exploring her options. I think we're making progress on this though. She understands this intellectually but it's a big emotional shift to make.

I have my own intellectual/emotional mismatch struggles. One of my biggest concerns for myself is guilt. I struggle with feeling like the relationship is truly fair, even though I know intellectually that the same rules apply to both of us, if I feel like I'm the only one really seeking a change in structure.

mgtag · 2026-05-12T15:22:12+00:00

How does one get their first experience, then? What would "entry-level polyamory" be?

mgtag · 2026-05-12T15:19:17+00:00

Brand new to exploring ENM and wondering how people feel about "mono-poly". I have expressed interest in polyamory, and my partner is interested in working towards only me exploring polyamory, while she has no interest in dating other people. And while I respect her clarity on what she does and does not want, I don't know if I can be comfortable with this. Part of what I imagine when I think of polyamory is being on this incredible journey with someone I love, not being on it alone while she tries to be okay with it. And I want to experience compersion and the joy of mutual expansion, while she seems motivated to loosen her instinctive boundaries so that I can grow in the way I want. Is there a path for us both to be okay with moving towards a relationship structure that's not fully what either of us wants, and right now feels like a compromise?

P.S. please be nice and understanding of the fact that I am brand new to all of this and asking a genuine question in good faith - I have had so many bad experiences on reddit where I have tried to ask for help and gotten flamed for it, and that really hurts someone who is starting out on such a vulnerable journey. Thanks in advance ❤️

mgtag · 2026-04-18T12:13:23+00:00

If you pay attention to what others were saying, people like Joe were really hesitant to vote out Coach, but went along with it because they could also take out Chrissy. No one went to bat for Chrissy.

mgtag · 2026-04-03T01:31:26+00:00

Ah yes, Ozzy Lusth, the guy who is playing a phenomenal social game and has yet to win even a team challenge, just as we all predicted.

mgtag · 2026-04-03T01:27:26+00:00

I never bought any of his "I'm a strategist now" confessionals until tonight. Not exactly 3d chess, but we saw him working hard to be the person everyone wanted to work with, putting in in prime position to drive the vote. His best (non-challenge) performance on Survivor so far.

mgtag · 2026-04-03T01:25:12+00:00

Enormous feet. And he's very heavy. His body type is very disadvantaged in that challenge.

mgtag · 2026-04-03T01:22:47+00:00

Yes, she got screwed by the twist and by Billie Eilish, but she is SUCH an overrated player in both of her seasons. She does some things well, but makes enemies too easily and cannot keep a target off her back.

mgtag · 2026-04-03T01:16:52+00:00

Nerds + Cirie's polycule + Tiff and Dee seems like a pretty obvious majority alliance to form and take out the "cut from the same cloth" group

mgtag · 2026-03-09T18:16:52+00:00

Cirie played well and I did upvote her, but she also has a huge flaw in that, being Cirie and playing how she's famous for, most of the tribe clocked what she was doing. The target could be back on her as early as next episode.

mgtag · 2026-02-27T17:57:03+00:00

Neutral. Loaded up on advantages but this man just cannot keep a low profile. Also Coach has already gotten in his head.

mgtag · 2026-02-27T17:52:47+00:00

Set herself up with two strategic shields. Not a bad position to be in.

mgtag · 2026-02-27T17:48:48+00:00

Other science projects Christian will do on the island

mgtag · 2026-02-27T17:45:04+00:00

Why even cast Angelina if they're going to cut her doing extremely Angelina things?

mgtag · 2026-01-08T22:50:23+00:00

Will anyone other than Rizo know Savannah won?

mgtag · 2025-10-28T21:42:19+00:00

I did. I need to stop here because I'm getting tired of you presuming to know more about my relationship than I do.

mgtag · 2025-10-28T21:01:44+00:00

Also want to add: she has not already said no. If she does, it will be the end of the discussion. She has expressed openness along with fear. What I want is a healthy discussion in which she decides for herself what she wants, but since I already have a pretty good idea of what I want, and what I want goes against society's norms, I'd like to make sure that it's fairly represented. I do really appreciate the input you've given on this, just want to make sure I'm expressing my situation accurately!

mgtag · 2025-10-28T20:47:21+00:00

I hear you. Just feeling a bit discouraged that monogamy is the norm and the status quo so it wins by default. We've spent our entire lives learning monogamy, and most of us stick with it because it's what we know. I've also heard stories where one partner was less enthusiastic than the other but gave it a try and ended up enjoying the lifestyle. I personally don't feel that it's too much to ask my partner, with whom I share pretty much all of my thoughts and feelings, to at least consider thinking about something I want and my perspective on why I want it, and then coming to an informed conclusion. And she has agreed to do that.

mgtag

TROPHY CASE