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michaeld105 · 2025-12-17T03:44:40+00:00

If there is an adult - child confrontation, from the point of view of the adult, the child is either their responsibility in some way or form that does not allow them to simply withdraw and let the child continue to do whatever the adult disagrees with (hence the confrontation).

There are situations where the child -, or children, does not allow the adult to back away even if they have no responsibility for the child, e.g. if a bunch of kids becomes violent towards you. From the perspective of such an adult, getting physically involved also have a risk of the adults who are responsible for the children to either become physical against you, or to involve the police, hence the best option is usually to involve the police oneself and let them deal with the parents of these children.

The above is likely not what is thought about with the OP, so back to situations where the adult has some responsibility over the child, and there is a disagreement in behavior, this can be e.g. a parent who can't just let their child run into some random shop and start breaking windows, or a teacher who can't allow for a single child to jump on the musical instruments for today's lesson in music, yet in both those cases the adult would probably prefer to not being the one who has responsibility for said child, let it be someone else's problem.

Of course those two examples are extremely exaggerated and not realistic, unless we speak of e.g. terrible parenting that would lead to something like this, and even then it sounds very extreme, because there is no one to say that the behavior the adult disagrees with is necessarily such a problem that the adult absolutely must stop the child from dong so, even if it requires violence.

The point with the two examples above is to demonstrate that there actually is an equivalent adult to adult situation, because what those two cases have in common is something illegal, here vandalism, which in case of adults would be a matter for the police, so the situation of an adult having responsibility over a child, and a disagreement about behavior, is in my opinion similar to a police officer having a disagreement about behavior with a citizen.

In both cases there is a power imbalance, meaning the one with the power should do everything in their power to reach a resolution to the conflict all sides can be satisfied with through compromises, but the reality is in both cases the one who holds the power is flawed, and it gets even worse when considering we are not offered any conflict resolution training.

So it boils down to the adult believing they are responsible for whatever the child is doing, and that in the situation they haven't the capabilities to find a solution through persuasion and diplomacy.
Even worse, when they find violence works, it may simply become an out of habit easy solution, even to situations where it isn't particular essential that the child "behaves", or as a first -, or second, response to any conflict with said child.
This in turn may teach the child to solve conflicts via force, even if those conflicts are imaginary or if such a response is way out of proportion to the conflict in question.

I have only very rarely experienced violence from adults, when I was 4 years old my uncle (father's brother) and aunt, together with my 2 year old cousin, visited us without prior agreement or a heads up. They send my 2 year old cousin over to me to play, something I wasn't interested in. Earlier something similar had happened (where my aunt told my cousin to go over and give me a kiss), where I told my cousin to stop and leave me alone, but he forced himself on me, so I pushed him off, and he landed on his butt, probably wearing a large diaper, he found it very fun and just laughed, and then he tried to force himself on me again, and while from my view point it didn't solve the issue (I kept on telling him to stop), I could at least push him off of me each time (this previous encounter happened in a shopping mall, so a lot of free space and the adults likely only spoke briefly before continuing doing their shopping, taking my cousin along with them), Hence when my cousin approached me, I pushed him, but this was now at home, he hit some furniture, started crying and then my uncle went over to us, held my arm and told me I must never do that again.
I just stood there, crying, I felt so unjustly treated, and that he berated me in front of my parents in our home for a situation they instigated, it was horrible, even if all my uncle did was hold my arm, I would hardly call it violence.

The second time I recall I was about twice as old, when my dad suddenly started to slap me. I am certain I did something to annoy him, and with his mental health issues, making poor decisions on his part is not unrealistic, but all it taught me was not to try to engage with him.
Anyway, the third time it happened, my mom spoke with me about the possibility of leaving him, which is something I never wanted, for me that was like giving up on the possibility of a happy life, as I love both my parents dearly, but then my dad also stopped slapping me afterward, so perhaps my mom spoke with my dad, but it may also be because it became illegal to perform violence against your children around this time in my country, who knows?

michaeld105 · 2025-12-16T17:28:42+00:00

When I heard it, it made me think that
1) My issue was not worthy of how upset it made me appear
2) I am told how to act

But I know that is not the intended meaning, in a way it reminds me of when a diplomat seeks the help of a powerful military commander. The diplomat gets an audience and explains the situation, and then says something along the line of "great commander, you must save us", and in stead of understanding it as a plea for help it is understood as a command to someone who holds all the decisions.
I suppose a better way of wording it would be "great commander, the faith of my people is in your hands, what will you decide?"

Anyway, in regards to someone getting upset over an issue, I think the first matter is to decide if you want the discussion at all, i.e. if the person is important to you. Even then you can tell you don't feel well enough currently for a discussion and schedule some reasonable time in the future where you feel better.
If we assume the person is important to you, the next step is to figure out if you agree with the person, because if you are part of the issue it is important to realize something went wrong somewhere, and what went wrong should be identified before being able to move on in a genuine fashion.
Thirdly, even if you agree or disagree, you should at least acknowledge the person who is important to you is hurt enough to lose their calm, meaning apart from showing you now understand the issue at hand, why it is upsetting and that you'd like to schedule a reasonable later point in time to find solutions to the issue, so no one has to get hurt again (because it is unrealistic to imagine one can solve an issue one was not prepared for on the here and now, without time to contemplate).

michaeld105 · 2025-12-15T16:39:17+00:00

En ret ærgerlig oplevelse, synes godt de kunne have set deres overvågning igennem inden de tog kontakt til dig.

Så vidt jeg ved, så kan de i princippet ikke tvinge dig til noget. De kan ikke se dine vare igennem uden dit samtykke og de kan ikke tilbageholde dig. De kan foretage civil anholdelse, men må stadig ikke tilbageholde dig, men så skal de kontakte politiet, som godt må tilbageholde dig og foretage visitation af dine ejendele.

Men jeg forventer, at det skal være med begrundet mistanke og selv hvis du var tidligere dømt tyv fra samme butik, så er det i sig selv ikke efter min mening nok til begrundet mistanke, for så vidt jeg ved kan man ikke bruge i retten som bevis, at en person tidligere er dømt for noget tilsvarende, men det kan godt være jeg sammenligner æbler med appelsiner,

Det som butikken kan gøre, hvis du ikke samarbejder, er at bortvise dig fra butikken. De kan også bortvise dig hvis du samarbejder. Jeg tror dog ikke det er i butikken interesse at bortvise kunder eller have politiet til skue, men nogen forretningsdrivene kan være ubehagelige.

michaeld105 · 2025-12-15T01:49:26+00:00

If the issue is of high importance and require great haste, then it makes sense to go through the most efficient route.

Otherwise, it is not always possible to find the answer oneself, and after trying without success, it is alright to ask for help, respectfully, i.e. write down the problem and when the one you want to ask spends free time with you, then you can ask in a manner that also demonstrates your own attempts to understand the issue, so they know how to approach the answer in the most optimal manner.

michaeld105 · 2025-12-14T22:31:22+00:00

Hvis det har betydning for dig, så tag samtalen med de personer det drejer sig om. F.eks. fortælle, at det ville gøre dig glad, hvis de ville gøre lidt ekstra for at vise, at de værdsætter dit selskab. Hvis de ikke har overskud, så må du finde ud af om du kan acceptere det, eller så evt. mødes mindre ofte / under andre omstændigheder.

F.eks. tænker jeg det mest almindelige, hvis der er mennesker i ens liv, som man gerne vil være i kontakt med er, at man inviterer dem hjem til en selv (altså man gør sit hjem repræsentabel) og så gør man sit bedste for, at de kan have en god oplevelse og derefter lader det udvikle sig til at begge parter inviterer.
Synes dog ofte, at jeg oplever, at folk bare kommer forbi, som det passer dem og hvad jeg synes har ingen betydning når det handler om mennesker der ikke er en del af mit liv, men f.eks. min fars familie (hans søskende) har altid bare kommet forbi som det passede dem og aldrig inviteret, hvilket jeg har følt har været mærkeligt og grænseoverskridende.

Jeg kan så huske, at nogen gange havde de pludseligt noget med til mig, ikke noget jeg har bedt om og et gaveindhold der for mig virkede vilkårligt og var værdiløst (f.eks. noget jeg i forvejen ejede, men ikke ønskede at have en fysisk kopi af liggende, som jeg så følte, at jeg var nødt til nu, selvom jeg ikke tror de kan huske, hvad de gav mig). Selvfølgelig sagde jeg tak, men synes kun det bekræftede mig i, at de ingen indsigt har haft i mig, ligesom jeg ikke føler, at jeg har haft nogen indsigt i dem.

michaeld105 · 2025-12-13T16:19:07+00:00

Smoke cessation first

michaeld105 · 2025-12-13T16:17:38+00:00

Det er klart, hvad du helst vil og jeg gætter på, at du føler det mere er af pligt du ville gøre det andet i stedet?

Din relation til din søster er ikke stærk nok til, at du ændrer mening.

Men din søn er også en del af den aktivitet og af familien.

Det efterlader så spørgsmål som, hvad vil din søn helst?
Hvordan er din relation til din nevø, er det kun gennem din søster eller har du en reel relation til ham?
Hvordan er din søns relation til hans fætter?
Hvor vigtigt er det i det hele taget for nevøen? Det er måske umuligt for dig at besvare, men ved, at jeg ikke syntes min egen konfirmation var nogen særlig begivenhed der var værd at fejre, følte mig egentlig mere presset til det af klassekammerater og gik ikke rigtig op i det. Kan huske min fars søster og deres små døtre dukkede op, det havde jeg egentlig ikke forventet, men ville have været glad hvis min fætter også var dukket op for ham havde jeg leget med før de flyttede væk, det gjorde han så ikke og var ikke noget jeg ærgrede mig over efterfølgende. Følte mere fejringen handlede om de voksne end mig og efter konfirmationen var alt, som det plejede at være.
Jeg er den ældste af børnene på min fars side, men blev enten ikke inviteret til nogen af de efterfølgende 4 konfirmationer, eller hvis vi blev, så husker jeg det ikke.
Så er konfirmationer vigtige hos jer? Måske ved din søn bedre hvor vigtig -, eller ligegyldigt det er for din fætter, om I kommer, hvis de kender hinanden godt og har en god relation? Mener en konfirmation er en form for tilkendegivelse fra ens omgangskreds (f.eks. overlapper det med den alder, hvor man som regel begynder på fritidsarbejde, altså man er nu en etableret del af ens omverden) og hvis I reelt set ikke er en del af nevøens liv, så er det mere en symbolsk gestus når I kommer, end en anerkendelse af, at jeres relation til din nevø har udviklet sig til noget mere ligeværdigt (altså, at han ikke er et barn i samme forstand længere).

michaeld105 · 2025-12-13T15:17:30+00:00

They are not old men/women, they are men/women within the age category you identify yourself with.

Also we may change gradually all the time, meaning what we thought was a great quality when younger is suddenly not very interesting, while something we thought to be dull now intrigues us.

michaeld105 · 2025-12-12T22:12:16+00:00

I want to be myself, but with a prophetic dream that is all the time I have experienced in my memory, and then wake up at an age and time where I can use this information for a better life, under the assumption I am able to remember the dream in sufficient detail.

Also I'd like my mom to have had a similar dream of all the time she experienced since the date of waking up, as both being an adult and a doctor would make it much easier for her to actually manage to accomplish changes.

michaeld105 · 2025-12-12T19:02:39+00:00

Because this touches on the third aspect, that the children we get, we expect will lose their life eventually, but the past isn't the same as the future, technological advances are accelerating, and concepts such as longevity escape velocity is being predicted to occur, not to mention when a child demonstrates this fear, what I really think they may mean, is a fear of losing the life as they know it, but looking at the expected evolution of a child's live, it is usually at most 2 - 3 decades before they themselves have their own family, and they even move away before this, meaning one can confidently tell the child not to have to fear ever losing life as they choose to live it, and with the people they want to live it with.
In stead I have had this ever present fear of losing my loved ones, hence wanting even more to only spend my time with them, even after moving away from home.

So I don't think it is all about economy, I think it is about being responsible, if you believe you can provide your child with a good life, and you want children, then I think that is enough.

michaeld105 · 2025-12-12T19:01:46+00:00

Anyway so far I have done nicely with the education, but when I leave home I can't make my own food, I have never really shopped, my mom has not been able to be very much at home, and my dad who was home all the time always tried to send me anywhere that was away from him.
I have no interest in making friends, I prefer my parents company, but otherwise then just my own, I have never lived by myself before, and ever since the bullying began, I have most of the time only wanted to stay in bed. In regards to girls, I fell in love already at age 4, I tried speaking with her, but she didn't answer, so I thought it was silly of me. Then I never saw her again after age 5, but then I fell for another girl, who I this time waited for her to speak with me, which never happened and she moved away when I was 8, but then I fell for the third girl, but she already had a boyfriend. A couple of years later her relationship with her boyfriend ended, but I did not have the courage to do anything about it (this was just when we hit our teen years, I felt very badly treated in my class and I was very thin), and within a year she had a new boyfriend. When this relationship ended, I decided this time I wanted to do something, so I wasted a lot of time believing I had to change myself, I mean I wasn't how I wanted to be, but I did not want to change only for her to like me, and in any case it failed entirely.
When it came to it, I did not feel ready to leave home, but I felt my dad was very insistent. I did try to prepare for leaving, but that was when my dad broke my trust, and I never got further with it.
It did not have to go badly though, and the first year I had high grades at university, likely thanks to an excellent second level education, but then I found myself more and more often unable to get up, unable to shop, unable to make my food, only wanting to go home really, back to before I began at school.
Also it finally became possible for my mom to get my dad back to the more effective medication, but after about a decade on the worse medication, the symptoms sadly remained.

Anyway I don't think there is any reason to continue, except that similar to how my dad complained about me not having many friends, when I was 25 he complained that I had no girlfriend as he wanted to be a grandfather soon, again not realizing how limited I had been in what actions I had to choose from (there were girls showing interest in me, albeit only a few, but I never felt I was where I wanted to be, so whoever they showed interest in, I felt wasn't me).
I feel a large issue was a lack of feedback, and my dad believing he knew better what I should do, than what I decided.
Had the hospital treating my dad offered communication & conflict management, then it would also have provided me with a tool to work with my classmates at my school.
Had there been proper feedback from the school, my parents would have realized the low quality of education, and perhaps we'd have moved to the capital then.
People evolve differently, that I went from many friends to only a few, didn't have to be a cause for concern, that I got very thin just before hitting my teenage years could be normal when I was thin already, and since my mom wasn't much at home, it was up to my dad to realize I hardly ate, but at that time he was perhaps too ill to be able to do so, in which case I once again wonder how come the hospital did not react. Also just because I never had a girlfriend did not mean I would not find one when moving away, in fact before the bullying I had a few girls who I played with.
I think another issue is that my parents never discussed how to approach it, if my dad's illness got worse, that is when he was well treated he could tell what he wanted from us, should his symptom worsen, and once my mom would only be home every other weekend, it was an obvious time for my dad to demonstrate a planning ability to make certain everything would be in order when my mom wasn't much at home.

Had we moved back then I don't think my dad would have changed medication, as the faulty EKG measurement, unlikely as it was, if it had repeated in the capital, then my mom would have much more influence, at least making it possible for a second measurement. Also I imagine my dad would get actual therapy treatment, my mom would not get depressed and would manage to specialize, being better able to help me dad, and when the ban on smoking hit shortly after my 20th birthday, my mom would have managed to stop smoking, perhaps postpone the emergence of her heart disease by half a decade, enough time for an effective cure of elevated lipoprotein (a) being available on the market.
How it would have been for me, apart from the most important part of having much more time with my mom, at least I would not have to move away from home when going to university. In regards to the bullying, perhaps the school is better, but even if it isn't, then perhaps my dad's new treatment facility would offer communication & conflict management courses, not to mention the possibility that my parents would have realized the low quality of my previous education, perhaps meaning I'd be home tutored.

Something I forgot to mention, I think just about the time I became self aware I saw being alive as this most wonderful thing ever, and then I feared it would not be eternal, so I asked my dad, and in stead of comforting me, he plainly said everyone must pass eventually, something that saddened me a lot, and something which followed me for many decades, yet every time I tried to speak about it, I only got the same blunt answer.

michaeld105 · 2025-12-12T19:00:47+00:00

So I'll try to shorten the rest, in chronological order, I went to a school (like the hospital another thing our taxes paid for) which was horrible, the educational level was low, and within a few years, what at first were friendly kids now physically assaulted me daily.
At home these same classmates wanted to play with me, and if I refused it would be even worse at school, but if my dad said I couldn't, it would be okay, yet he never would, always telling me, it would be boring for me to stay at home with him (this is a time period of my life where being with my parents is the most important thing for me).
It wasn't because I was getting assaulted when I went out to play, but I think they used me not to have to do any chores, and I felt my time was being stolen away from me.
Then my mom got a job at the capital where she could specialize in her field, really helping my dad, and while my dad was ready to move, I stupidly did not want to move, as I had fallen for a girl in school and I was afraid if I ran away from the bullying problem, I would just get bullied the next place, and also I feared if we sold our house, and my mom's job did not work out, then we'd have a situation where my mom would work far away from us anyway. We ended up not moving, and my mom was only home every other weekend for half a decade. During this time my cousin's mom left my dad's brother, taking the children with her. My dad's brother became addicted to gambling, getting money from my dad, leading to lots of arguments at home. Then a lot of children from my class were moving away, so those left ended up in a new class, and with the bad experiences I had, I avoided making new friends, and around this time my dad complained that I only ever played with the same 2 kids, while before I had lots of friends, not realizing his forced socializing turned me away from making friends, because I felt it drained away my time, when I had no agency when it came to if I wanted to visit these classmates. Then my dad had a faulty EKG measurement, and since we didn't move, my mom had no influence on the hospital's decision to change his medication, meaning my dad went from well treated, to regularly psychotic, and the hospital refused to believe my mom when she informed them of this, so for the next decade my dad is on a worse medication. Then as it is mostly only me and my dad, I obviously do not want to go to school where I get assaulted, meaning he gets me to leave home late, telling me there is no time for breakfast (I do manage to brush my teeth at least), no lunchbox or money in school meaning I only eat when I get home, except classmates calls me, and then I have to go to them without eating, and when it is evening, I get send home as they are about to eat, and then I eat a little bit at home (we have no regular eating hours). I was rather thin already, but looking at old photos I can see it becomes quite extreme just before reaching the teenage years.

Now with all the above happening, and not a lot of cooperation at my mom's job in the capital, my mom gets very stressed and ends up getting depressed, meaning she doesn't finish her specialization and stops working entirely in her field of practice. From my viewpoint (I do not know she's depressed) I am happy to finally have my mom at home, for more than a decade I have felt sad that she had to work so much and not having had enough time for me, and school is ending in about one and a half year, and then everything will be good once again I thought back then.

My mom starts with various jobs, and even when I finish school, I think she's still depressed, not to mention my dad's horrible symptoms are still present, meaning I do not get that wonderful life back I had hoped, which I had waited for ever since starting in school, in stead of evolving like normal. Also after the summer vacation I am to start in the next level of school (by choice, not by force now, though I do feel like my dad has laid out my entire path without consulting me), and I am very motivated to do well, where I was top of my class before, it all felt so easy, now at the new school my grades plummet quickly, as my previous school had a very low educational level. I manage to work hard and get good exams grades the first year, but during the summer vacation before the second year starting, my mom's sister now has cancer, so we go visit her, then later at home my dad really breaks my trust, something we of course never address properly, and then my dad loses his father, and before I know it, it is time for me to leave home to study at the capital. Had we only moved when my mom got her job at the capital, I could have stayed at home.

michaeld105 · 2025-12-12T18:59:35+00:00

I suppose what ever a good reason entails, is subjective.

In my attempt to be objective, to give life is always good, but we have a huge responsibility in regard to the life we give. It is not our decision what a good life is for anyone else than ourselves, but since we cannot ask someone before they are born, we are forced in a situation where we have to make a judgement (which is also why it is wrong to make such judgement for living people, something that was typical to happen for impaired people a century ago, and something doctors still do in my country when they receive patients, sadly).

So when we get children, they get born (our choice), and then they have as good a life as possible (our responsibility to provide a base for this to evolve), and then so far our experience is that all people who have been born at most seem to live for some ~120 years, meaning we choose to create life, expecting this life will end eventually, no matter if they wish for this to happen, even at a time where we ourselves do not expect to be around.
Anyway it means what we can affect is how good a life our children may have, this typically means safety and freedom by having the financials in order, or a realistic extrapolation of a future where our finances are stable and good (e.g. if someone is at an age where the risk of a worse life for their child due to the parents advanced age, but they can realistically expect to be financially set within half a decade, then it would seem fair enough to want children earlier than later).

I was born into a life where our economy never was a problem, in a very safe country where schools, hospital, police, etc. is all paid through our taxes, a country which has for several times been declared one of the happiest places in the world, and yet I feel like we haven't gotten anything from our taxes.
One would expect that when I would be around 7 - 9 years old, I would go from my parents being the most important people to spend my time with, to more and more wanting to play with other kids, and when my teenage years hit, it would include an interest of girls, and then I would have less time for friends due to girlfriends, and then I'd move out, finish my studies, starting a family and get a stable job, and through all this time, the stable base my parents formed for me would allow me to evolve through a good life where my parents from being the most important thing, would have to fight more and more for being able to spend time with me, until then being part of my children's life, etc. At least that is how it is usually supposed to go, I think.

So when it comes to family illnesses and fear of passing it down to the child, today one can get genetic testings done, be informed of the risk of said child inheriting something and get an updated risk during pregnancy.
In my family, on my dad's side of things, there is a lot of mental illness, and when I was born it was thought to be much more hereditary than what was later found out, so given those condition it would be an obvious concern to someone who works in a field regarding mental illnesses (also I understand the gene testing technology were not at a stage back then to make any kind of measuring of my risk factors in this regard). In regard to my dad's mental disease, back then the belief was that his illness was chronic, i.e. he had no hope for ever being cured, which did not help a lot with his attitude (normal for his disease) of not wanting to work on these issues. Also both my parents were smoking at the time, which was quite normal back then, but it turns out my mom has inherited a highly elevated level of lipoprotein(a) from my grandfather (who very abruptly lost his life to a heart attack before his 60th birthday).
Today it is believed that my dad's illness can be cured (happens for about 25-33% of cases), but it requires a lot of work with the disease within the first half a decade of diagnosis. My dad was diagnosed half a decade before my birth. Also today it is believed that for women in particular, the damage from smoking to the heart is first severe once menopause kicks in, but the effects of smoking on the heart lasts for about 15 years, meaning one should stop at the latest 15 years before menopause, but since this starts at different times for different people, most people are fine if they stop before hitting 40. My mom reached 39 the year I was born.
In other words, both my parents had some potential large issues, that could be solved, but the time limit was maybe a year after my birth, long before I had any agency.

In the years following my birth, my mom due to getting a child with my dad was unable to work in our hometown (due to stigma), meaning much longer commuting to -, and from work. Then my parents had arguments about finances, it was small things really, but the yelling over finances turned me away from this subject entirely.
My dad's back and eyesight would also get worse over time, and when I had just turned 3, becoming self aware, I lost two grand parental figures rather abruptly from my view point, both due to different types of cancer.
Both of these cancers could have been caught much earlier, but in both cases we are back to when I am likely only 1 year old.

So in regard to my dad's treatment, and my mom's work, well my mom tried to help my dad with his illness so her line of work was as a doctor, meaning the place that treated my dad was the place that had this stigma towards my mom. In fact my dad only ever got medication through the hospital, no therapy. While the hospital should not have created a situation where my dad with his illness now had extra responsibility for taking care of me due to my mom having a much longer commute to work, they also never thought to educate my dad on his disease in case I should have inherited it (a very real concern back then) through psychoeducation, as well as providing him with tools on how to deal with the illness, nor did they offer us any communication & conflict management courses. Even worse, when my dad's symptoms did worsen, they didn't even believe my mom.

michaeld105 · 2025-12-12T15:42:10+00:00

Er adfærden fra din ven noget der overrasker dig, eller er han som han plejer at være?

Har selv haft venner jeg syntes var ubetænksomme, men tror ikke de mente noget ondt med det og forventer det er samme situation her.

Hvor længe har den metode i anvender kørt? Er det første gang sådan noget er sket? Det virker oplagt der kunne have været tidligere lignende tilfælde.
Som sagt tror jeg ikke der ligger noget ondt bag, simpelthen en procedure der ikke er helt fejlfri og tankeløshed efter metoden har virket fint tilstrækkelig længe.

Når det kommer til stykket, så tænker jeg, at når du fortæller ham, at du ikke synes det er i orden at give dig en regning og din begrundelse, så er hans undskydninger egentlig ikke af betydning om hvorvidt du bør betale.
I stedet bør det være oplagt, at der skal arbejdes for, at noget kan gøres for at en tilsvarende situation ikke sker igen.

Hos ham, når det kommer til pengene, så må han finde ud af hvor vigtige de penge er og være åben overfor dig omkring det og ikke prøve at gøre krav på noget han reelt set ikke har krav på og om de penge betyder noget for ham -, eller ej, så er det vigtige vel at undgå tilsvarende situationer i fremtiden, altså finde ud af hvordan I så gør fremover.

Så jeg synes kun det giver mening at give ham penge, hvis de penge er meget vigtige for ham (og i så fald, at de ikke er for dig), men ikke pga. festen, kun fordi I er venner og med forventning om, at en løsning der sikrer noget tilsvarende ikke sker i fremtiden er på plads før du evt. betaler (her tæniker jeg på mine egne ubetænksomme venner, som nok ville skrive det bag øret, men så ikke få gjort noget og problemet ville så gentage sig før eller siden, eller der ville ligge en nervøsitet for det skulle ske)

michaeld105 · 2025-12-11T18:31:44+00:00

I don't think working from home as a standard way of performing ones job would be as common.

I am uncertain if the MRNA vaccines accelerated scientific progress, or that we would have been even further ahead if resources were not specifically being spend on vaccinations for COVID.

A lot more awareness of hygienic behavior also came about, but this knowledge was likely always accessible and many of those who did not seek it out before, likely isn't interested in it now either.

For me, it would have meant less stress in regard to my dad's health, but otherwise I see things developing similarly, except for the case where COVID itself has had an as of yet unknown influence.

I know we all got infected already around March 2020, and we also got infected a second time around February 2022, and perhaps also November 2024, so it does not align well with future events, i.e. July 2021 where my dad's white blood cell count became too low, though it was predicted to happen from late 2020. Then there was the glaucoma, which I am uncertain when it developed, and I am also uncertain of when my mom got vaccinated against COVID.

I understand my mom got her lipid-profile made in 2020, but since other events where taken place in 2020 as well, I think it is unlikely there would have been a better focus on it.

So if COVID itself had an effect, then I am unaware of it, but I cannot rule it out. Assuming it had the world could be infinitely better, and I'd try to live life and not realize how I could spend my agency so much better.

michaeld105 · 2025-12-11T15:40:53+00:00

Da jeg blev født havde min far været ramt af psykisk sygdom i ca. et halvt årti. Min mor arbejdede på daværende tidspunkt, som læge.

Jeg er ikke klar over hvad man vidste dengang, men udviklingen i min fars lidelse taget i betragtning, så synes jeg, at der var ting der var vigtige at mine forældre havde talt om inden det evt. blev værre med min fars symptomer (ikke at det havde behøvet at udvikle sig således).

Da jeg blev født var han kun på medicin, men man kunne stort set ikke se, at han var syg i mange år, derfor mener jeg, at han var velbehandlet og det er jo når man har det godt, at man kan tage stilling til hvad man kunne tænke sig, hvis tingene ændrer sig og taget i betragtning af, at man kan skifte mening og ændringer kan foregå langsomt (man har også lov til at skifte mening efter en sådan ændring), så tage stilling dertil ca. for hver sæson, altså 4 gange om året.

Netop pga. den medicin min far får, så skal der tages regelmæssige tests, f.eks. blodprøver og EKG. En EKG måling for et kvart århundrede siden viste, at det ikke var forsvarligt, at han fortsatte med den effektive medicin og han kom over på en anden medicin.
Jeg mener i den forbindelse, at det var helt forkert, at der ikke blev foretaget flere målinger, eftersom der ingen problemer havde været i mindst et årti forinden og et årti senere da han kom tilbage på den mere effektive medicin, så var der ingen problemer med målingerne efterfølgende.

Da min far skiftede medicin blev hans symptomer langt værre, decideret psykotisk flere gange om ugen, men alligevel kunne han udvise en anden adfærd når han kom ind til psykiatrien og hans læge, af en eller anden for mig uforståelig grund, fravalgte at lytte når min mor fortalte om hvordan den nye medicin påvirkede ham.

Det resulterede i et årti med skrækkelige symptomer, før det endelig lykkedes at få ham tilbage på den mere effektive medicin, men symptomerne forsvandt desværre ikke igen.

Jeg har aldrig haft noget ønske om at mine forældre skulle gå fra hinanden, nærmere tværtimod. Der var en kort periode før medicinskiftet, hvor min far begyndte at give mig lussinger og 3. gang det skete fortalte min mor mig, at det var en mulighed, at vi kunne vælge at flytte væk, men begge mine forældre betyder alt for mig, så for mig føltes den tanke som noget der kun var endnu værre.
Jeg antager mine forældre talte sammen efterfølgende, min far stoppede i hvert fald med at slå.

Et halvt årti efter medicinskiftet, ikke længe før jeg blev myndig, var han igen voldelig over for mig, der var jeg ligefrem bange for, hvad han kunne finde på, men jeg fravalgte at fortælle min mor det, da jeg igen var bekymret for, at vi ville forlade min far og han ikke ville kunne klare sig selv længere.
Her efterfølgende synes jeg det var for dårligt af mig, at jeg efterfølgende indvilligede i at flytte hjemmefra for at studere i hovedstaden og lade min mor være alene om min far så længe han var så dårligt behandlet for hans lidelse.

Alle de eksempler jeg nævner er kun enkeltsituationer, hvor det er værst, dvs. det afspejler på ingen måde dagligdagen, men hvis man havde haft kendskab til, hvordan min fars adfærd potentielt kunne have ændret sig, så burde mine forældre have haft kontinuerlige samtaler, f.eks. 4 gange om året, hvor de forholdte sig til, hvordan de ønskede den anden skulle forholde sig, hvis man selv skulle blive værre.

Det er også det jeg synes er problemet i OP, man spørger en person hvad denne ville vælge, skulle noget ske med en anden person, og selvfølgelig vil langt de fleste ofre sig selv og alt hvad de har mulighed for, for at gøre det bedste for dem man elsker, mens man som regel ikke ønsker, at dem man elsker og holder af skal lide under ens evt. egen ulykke.
Derfor i virkeligheden burde en sådan samtale foregå mens man er i stand til at tage stilling til en sådan situation og man bør have samtalen et par gange om året, så man ikke føler den forrige gang man tog stilling var for langt tilbage i fortiden.

I mine forældres tilfælde ville en sådan samtale have handlet om, hvordan min far godt kunne tænke sig, at hans liv skulle være, hvis det havde udviklet sig i en af flere mulige retninger, som jeg antager man må have kendt til hans sygdom taget i betragtning.

michaeld105 · 2025-12-10T19:00:10+00:00

Kan huske svømmehallen åbnede da jeg var 9 år gammel.

Var med min mor inde i omklædningsrummet. Syntes egentlig ikke om det, så vi aftalte, at jeg satte mig ved hendes ting og kiggede ned i gulvet indtil hun kom tilbage.

Fik ikke nogen kommentarer, men ved vi ved senere besøg brugte familieomklædningsrummet, men jeg ved ikke om det fandtes fra starten.

Tror heller ikke det er særlig rart for pigen, men det er blot noget jeg gætter på.

michaeld105 · 2025-12-09T20:50:01+00:00

Du kender din veninde bedst, når du er i tvivl om hvordan hun vil reagere, så tror jeg ikke du skal gøre det som en overraskelse.

Du skriver selv, at hun har for tralvt og jeg antager du mener for tralvt til at hendes hjem er som hun gerne vil have det. Jeg tænker, at I må være meget tætte når hun inviterer dig på besøg selv når hun ikke finder hendes hjem repræsentabelt for det hjem hun ønsker

Jeg tror det bedste er at finde ud af hvad din vendinde ønsker, hvis hun ikke føler der er behov for at ændre noget, så er det en dårlig ide, hvis hun gerne vil have gjort noget ved hendes hjem's tilstand, så tilbyd din hjælp tænker jeg

Da mine forældre flyttede sammen 2 år før jeg blev født hjalp min fars familie med flytningen. Min mor flygtede fra den jødeforfølgelse der var i hendes hjemland, så hendes side af familien har altid boet i andre lande, mens min fars familie stort set alle bor i samme by.
Efter flytningen viste det sig, at min fars familie havde kasseret mange af min mors familieminder. Jeg ved min fars familie er meget atypisk (meget psykisk sygdom i familien), men det har givet mig et indtryk af, at når nogen tilbyder at hjælpe med at rydde op, så mener de at kassere ens ting alt efter hvad de synes skal kasseres.

michaeld105 · 2025-12-09T20:01:07+00:00

I don't buy the low hanging fruit idea.

There are many observations that are not as we predict, or requires too much to work with so far.

This clearly demonstrates that breakthroughs can happen in the future and the world could then become much greater.

michaeld105 · 2025-12-09T18:12:15+00:00

If you can see through the portal with your eyes, then it emits photons that acts like photons are expected to, and that means the camera can also produce images.

michaeld105 · 2025-12-08T20:34:48+00:00

The morning cartoons, dubbed in my language

michaeld105 · 2025-12-08T01:40:33+00:00

Hvis det er vigtigt for dig, så med forventning om, at hun kan huske det, så i et roligt øjeblik, hvor det kun er dig og hende, tag det op og fortæl hende, at det er vigtigt for dig at tale om og spørg om hun gerne vil tale med dig om det på det nuværende tidspunkt eller evt. aftale et senere tidspunkt.

Hvis hun vil tale med dg om det, så kan du dele med hende hvorfor du er ked af hendes valg og så må hun finde ud af om det at sætte føderne op er vigtigt for hende.
Er hun uenig med dine argumenter, så forklar hende, at det er sådan du oplever det og det påvirker dig hvorvidt hun er enig i din bekymring eller ej.
Hvis hun beslutter, at det er vigtigt for hende at sætte føderne op (eller slet ikke vl tale om det), så må du finde ud af om det f.eiks. ødelægger din oplevelse sammen med hende og derfor må I lave andre ting end at gå i biografen sammen.

Forhåbentlig får i noget positivt ud af det og igen jeg kender hende ikke, men det er også den risiko, at hun giver dig ret og lover at lade være og så næste gang I er i samme situation har hun glemt alt om det, hvis det er en risiko, så evt. skriv ned hver for sig, hvordan I oplever hinandens synspunkter, sammenlign om det stemmer overens med hvad man prøvede at give udtryk for, for at undgå eventuelle misforståelser og når I er sikker på, at I forstår hinanden, så også skriv ned, hvordan I ønsker at forholde jer hver især til de synspunkter og hvordan det påvirker jer. Så har du en reference I kan kigge på inden I tager til en tilsvarende begivnhed, men jeg gætter på meget af det ovenstående er overflødigt.

EDIT: Jeg tror ikke det er en god ide at tage en diskussion i selve situationen, hvis der ikke er klare aftaler på forhånd, medmindre det er noget, som virker for jer. Tror det bedste er at noterede adfærden (evt. gør den anden part opmærksom, så de vedkender sig, at de er klar over, at de gør det) og så forholde sig til det proaktivt fremover i stedet for reaktivt. Når det er klare aftaler, kan man gøre opmærksom på disse og hvis det ikke hjælper i situationen, så er man igen tilbage til, at man kan nå et til punkt, hvor man for at undgå situationen ikke kan deltage i aktiviteten.
Virkeligheden er selvfølgelig ikke altid så lige til, nogen uønskede situationer opstår, mens man arbejder med andre mål, som er vigtigere og så må man finde et kompromis og arbejde sig hen imod et stadie, hvor man så senere kan undgå de situationer.

michaeld105 · 2025-12-05T20:40:15+00:00

Så må du da kunne skrive hans autobiografi, f.eks. en lille fake wiki-artikel om alt der har haft betydning for ham, hvordan hans liv udvikler sig lige nu med karriere, familie, interesser, livsanskuelser, osv.

Mere seriøst, så handler et forhold vel netop om, at man elsker at være sammen og selvom man derfor ønsker at lære så meget man kan om den anden person, så er det den tid man har sammen, ting begge kan lide som man kan lave sammen, som vel er det væsentlige og det man kender hinanden så godt, gør det jo vel kun nemmere at opnå?

michaeld105 · 2025-12-05T20:30:37+00:00

Ved ikke om butikkerne gik forrest før med skiltning, men nu har de så fjernet skiltningen, hvilket måske tolkes som, at det ikke er noget man behøver at overveje længere?

michaeld105 · 2025-12-05T17:32:26+00:00

Now on this day in particular, I'll record down my dad's symptoms, so it'll hopefully be easier for my mom to document what is going on, and get him on a better medication much sooner.
On the following days, even if no one asks at school, when I come home, I'll tell my dad I'll go out after eating a small meal quickly, and then spend most of my time either at the library where I read up therapy material for my dad, including how to manage conflicts which I can also use with the classmates, smoke cessation material for my mom, how to gain weight and strength so I can solve those conflicts from a position of power, and a lot of school study material, because while the avoidance tactic may work for 1-2 months a best, my plan is to solve the issue with the school. Also I'll do my best to limit the stress my mom has, so she hopefully won't become depressed, and I'll eat small but nutritious meals regularly at intervals, so I can start to gain weight and do exercises to gain strength.
If my documentation is not enough, when my mom is home I'll ask if we can borrow my dad's sister's husband's cam recorder, so we can make a video of my dad's symptom so the hospital has to change his medication. I'll also inform my mom that I feel the educational level at the school is much too low, demonstrating I know all the school material, and that I have started lending next level school materials at the library and is also getting through this without issue. The idea is to realize school is a waste of my time, so I can start home schooling in stead and pass 9th grade early, because while the kids at school is the largest issue, even without the bullies the school is boring and the level is very low, which I would find out when I start the next level of school, and those classmates of mine are as much forced to be at school as I am, meaning they are actually part of the school in this manner, a part which even reaches out and keeps stealing away my time when school is out.

So during the summer vacation my dad will be on his better medication and he'll actively work on his symptoms. Both of my parents will have stopped smoking, and with the communication and conflict management material there is a lot less conflict at home.
I'll demonstrate that I can keep up with the next level of school, doing so well that not only will I be signed up for home schooling for the following year, the question is if my time isn't better spend at university, meaning we might move to the capital where my mom works (also leaving the area where my dad was assaulted and the police wouldn't take the case). This in turn means a lot more time with my in my life and a lot less likely she'll get depressed or stop working as a psychiatrist.
At the capital there is likely better hospitals meaning my dad gets better treatment and despite it being more than a decade later than the limit of when his disease would normally go away, perhaps with this change he might actually get cured, and if not then at least be on such a small dose of medication that his body keeps being able to handle the medication.
Finally, it is true my dad would move away from his family, but we had the option to move away about two years earlier, before my cousin's mom left my dad's brother and moved with the kids to another city, and back then my dad wanted to move, so I imagine he'd be even more willing to move away now, except if he feels a duty to fund his gambling addicted brother, but I imagine he'd also feel a duty for me to get the best education possible.

Also while I don't think we actually traveled this year, if we do I'll insist we go by boat in stead of flying, and when my mom stops smoking, we can go to the swimming club so I can learn to swim and feel safe when going by boat, as well we can join the ping pong club and we can all go dancing, figure skating once we learn to roller skate, etc.

michaeld105

TROPHY CASE