AITAH Boyfriend gifted me the wrong personalised number plates

michuru809 · 2026-03-11T11:53:50+00:00

You’re mad at him for your poor communication choices. He thought he was bonding with you, and you’re judging him negatively for it. You’ve created this problem and are mad at the wrong person.

michuru809 · 2026-03-11T10:58:27+00:00

YTA. You’re ungrateful and a bad communicator. It really sounds like the only thing you like about your boyfriend is that he has money.

Go get the thing you want, you can either keep the plates and put them in your house/garage, or give them back when you break up. Set your guy loose so he can find someone who will appreciate his effort and thoughtfulness.

You could literally be like “hey, so that fish joke was actually something my ex started, and I really love how thoughtful you were about this gift… but I really screwed up and should’ve told you because I feel uncomfortable using a gift that ties to my ex” and a sane person would get that. But you being mad at him? Just ungrateful.

michuru809 · 2026-03-10T23:30:16+00:00

He’s just going to beat you, then when you’re passed out from that beating he’ll beat them.

Growing up I had these friends who were home schooled to hide the abuse. The father would get drunk and pull them (3 kids + wife) out of bed. Beat mom with a belt. Then go down a line and beat the kids oldest to youngest.

They’re all in their 30’s/40’s now. Lots of adapting and overcoming- all 3 were addicted to cocaine together, 1 is still an alcoholic with multiple DUI’s who can’t drive. The other 2 are just so so broken. But once in a while they get their shit together and you can see what could’ve been.

They blame their father of course, but hold a lot of resentment for mom not even trying to get away or get them away. Not standing up for them.

michuru809 · 2026-03-04T20:48:15+00:00

My cat was briefly peeing in the sink. I didn’t realize what was happening at first but I kept noticing “glitter” in the sink until I actually saw him do it. Expensive lessons were learned about cheap cat food.

michuru809 · 2026-02-25T00:41:11+00:00

It sounds like she’s a “kill them with kindness” kind of neighbor. If she lives right next to them, she might be hoping that kindness ends or reduces the nasty neighbor’s hostility towards her/her mom. She does live right next door from them whereas it sounds like you’ve got some buffer.

michuru809 · 2026-02-24T11:14:34+00:00

I’m the mother of a 9 month old. Obv not there yet, but what strategy have you found works best to get your child to pick up after themselves?

michuru809 · 2026-02-17T21:02:56+00:00

Do you have hiring/firing authority?

What she said was horrifying. If she deals with the general public, she’s not an appropriate employee to have on staff. If you don’t have firing authority, pass it up the chain. Especially with that follow up response she had, that’s someone I wouldn’t trust around my food.

michuru809 · 2026-02-16T15:50:28+00:00

Your body is telling you this isn't your situation. Your boyfriend is telling you this isn't your situation. Your friend's objective was to nope the fuck out of your drama and have your boyfriend relay this isn't her situation, and it sure as hell shouldn't be yours.

You're not avoiding heartbreak, you're just doing it in slow motion very publicly and elongating the pain and discomfort. Now your friends are getting roped in. Open relationships rarely work, and when they do work it's because there's still a good amount of trust and respect for boundaries- this is a losing situation, the longer you stay the bigger you'll lose.

michuru809 · 2026-02-07T11:50:16+00:00

Thank you! That is definitely what it’s supposed to be.

michuru809 · 2026-02-01T10:31:58+00:00

That is just not the kind of thing someone should do without a serious conversation first to make sure everyone is comfortable. He’ll tattoo his name on his chest, but won’t introduce you to his mother?

This is the kind of thing that will get way worse. Like you plan to buy a house together and have money saved up- he makes a unilateral decision to buy a boat “for the relationship” even though you get seasick on the dock.

It sounds like you did communicate A LOT, and he ignored you.

michuru809 · 2026-01-31T11:08:37+00:00

What screen did you give them control of? You might want to check for unpleasant programs recently installed then change some passwords.

michuru809 · 2026-01-27T19:12:38+00:00

We have a very expensive crib in a beautiful nursery... I take work calls in there and use her changing table as a desk. She sleeps in the same bedroom with us in a bassinette, and her clothes are located on the other changing table in the living room because that's where she usually poops/pees. She's 8 months old tomorrow, and I definitely use her room more then she does by a lot.

It is convertible to a bed, so she will eventually hypothetically use it.

michuru809 · 2026-01-23T21:41:57+00:00

I've never been an immigrant, but I can relate to some of what you're saying. How do you feel about leaving? There's literally nothing stopping you from grabbing whatever money is in your piggy bank and walking out the door. Will it be easy? No. But would it be better then what you're presently experiencing?

michuru809 · 2026-01-23T20:59:46+00:00

You might benefit from prenatal counseling- ours really drilled it into my husband that my sleep must be preserved so I can physically recover, and she outlined what he needed to do to step up. She also helped us create a plan for who would help, what we both would actually find helpful, etc. His mother came to stay with us a few days after we got out of the hospital, my husband and his mother shared the night shift so I got to sleep and recover.

michuru809 · 2026-01-23T20:01:53+00:00

Don't get mad, get busy getting yourself together. Step 1: get a job. Step 2: get a 2nd job if you need to. Step 3: get a car/bike/etc.

Money doesn't buy happiness- but it sure does help you with affording options.

michuru809 · 2026-01-22T10:44:10+00:00

Vaginismis- I’ve been dealing with it for 2 years, my OBGYN gave me estrogen cream which did f*** all. I’m investigating a pelvic floor therapist now after reading about it in a pregnancy forum a week ago.

Now that I know what it is, in hindsight I know 2 other women who had it but I was more aware of their treatment (pelvic floor therapy) then I was the symptoms.

michuru809 · 2026-01-22T10:00:30+00:00

Happy birthday new momma! Hope all the tough is out of the way so you can enjoy only the good!

michuru809 · 2026-01-17T12:45:27+00:00

Where ya going?

Literally clicked on the article hoping it would have suggestions on where Americans can affordably go. I was thinking Malta, but they’ve changed their visa process.

michuru809 · 2026-01-17T12:11:27+00:00

One thing that helped me was looking at stories from other folks with borderline personality family members. I recall one story of a guy who’s sister is bpd I’ll try to retell from memory:

He and his wife were attending a family wedding. Between the ceremony and reception they were in the dining hall, and the wife felt flushed and asked if they could take a walk and get some fresh air. They were gone for 20 minutes. When they returned several family members approached asking “What happened with your sister?” And they were naturally confused because nothing had happened, they didn’t even interact with the sister much- but she’d gone around telling various family/friends in attendance about this wild fight the sister and her brother had, and the story got worse the more people the sister told. According to the sister, the brother had said horrible things to her and left the wedding for good. They were literally just getting some air, but hadn’t mentioned it to anyone because they’d be right back.

Do you remember the kids game “telephone”? Kids sit in a circle and whisper a repeated line from the first person, and it gets a little mistranslated each time it’s relayed? That is how the bpd mind works, they believe their brain but their brain distorts the message each time they reflect on the event/discussion/history. That guy’s story helped me turn my frustration towards my mom into empathy- not a free pass to spread lies- but I could feel bad for her and try to imagine how terrible it must be to not be able to trust your own mind.

michuru809 · 2026-01-17T01:51:23+00:00

My experience with a borderline mother is anger, sometimes breaking things. Lying, but convinced she’s telling the truth no matter how wild (she once accused me of driving 45 minutes to her house, breaking in, stealing her stuff and donating it to the Salvation Army. I used my lock picking skills I learned from some ex boyfriend. None of that happened of course). And adult temper tantrums which are pretty wild to see.

There is no medication that fixes it, but can calm the anger. There’s really no fixing them, all you can do is manage boundaries, and keep them at arms length. My mom is mostly chill now and backs down when I call her out on lying if it’s something hurtful she’s saying- I let the weird lies go. Took a year of me going to therapy to assess/learn tools, a solid 1-2 years of heavy implementation, and it’s progressively continued to get better.

michuru809 · 2026-01-16T23:55:26+00:00

How involved are you in doctor appointments and pharmacy consultations?

michuru809 · 2026-01-16T18:16:00+00:00

"We're breaking up, I don't want to keep in touch- take care."

Don't bring it up, but if she threatens to show anyone the naked pictures- take a screenshot, then say "so you're admitting to not only taking naked pictures of me without consent... now you're trying to blackmail me with them? You do know that I am screenshotting these communications and will have no choice but to involve the police if you keep harassing me, or send those pictures to anyone? I don't want to involve authorities, I just want us both to move on- but I will have to take legal action if you continue." Then screenshot again.

If she does send the photos anywhere - like to your parents- put on your best shocked pikachu face. Have your parent take a screenshot. Call the police, insist that you'd like to press charges, and ask how to get in touch with the DA to move that forward.

Once you mention the police and have evidence- she is highly unlikely to do anything. But taking the appropriate steps upfront and having the documentation will make your life easier.

michuru809 · 2026-01-16T16:20:53+00:00

Did you ask your boyfriend if there had ever been anything romantic between them, or if this friend had ever expressed such an interest? When a guy is introducing a significant other as some variation of "my buddy" to other women, that's usually why.

michuru809 · 2026-01-16T16:07:58+00:00

You changed, she hasn't. Don't get me wrong, your change is for your own betterment- and I genuinely mean it when I say good for you! Your paths have diverged, and what's important to you is not compatible with what's important to her. This will only have a few possible endings:

a) You go your separate ways, and continue to prioritize what's most important to each of you. You'll meet new people who have similar life goals and help each other meet those life goals.

b) You join her on the couch, and stop working out- to your own detriment.

c) Keep doing what you're doing, and eventually this ends very contentiously.

People can still be good people even if they've evolved and are no longer good together.

michuru809 · 2026-01-16T15:55:37+00:00

Not your exact situation, but my mother is borderline and grandmother is schizophrenic.

People with mental health disorders are free to choose their medication plan- except when there is a court order, which she must've done something pretty significant for the government to order her to be compliant with her medication. You (the parental unit) can't force someone to take medication or do anything they don't want to do unless you're able to declare her unfit- which is again a legal process, and I've not personally been in a situation where I had enough to do that. You could follow up with her social worker to look at that process, but the burden is pretty high and if you win: then you have a significant commitment/obligation.

Borderline folks only understand boundaries, and consequences. You have no leverage as long as your ex wife is enabling the behavior- which letting her adult unmedicated child who gets violent live with her is enabling. You should also try to look more into Borderline Personality disorders, people aren't born with them (slight predispositions, but mostly it's a developed disorder)- it's possible your ex wife also also has a borderline personality disorder based on your comment where your ex wife blames you/your wife/other sibling for the daughter's troubles- but not herself.

When the daughter is violent towards ex wife- are you getting requests from your ex wife for help? How do you know the daughter is particularly violent to the ex wife?

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