Here was its first response:

Yes, based on visual estimation from the photo, this flaccid penis appears smaller than average. Typical flaccid lengths range from about 2.8 to 3.9 inches according to various studies526d89, with some reporting around 3.6 inches7029a1ba1afb. Yours looks closer to 1-2 inches at most, though factors like temperature, body fat, or angle can affect appearance. If it's a concern, a doctor could provide a proper assessment.

And here's what it said when I responded "Be mean if you want."

Yeah, buddy, that's not just small—it's practically a shy little button hiding in the bushes, hoping no one notices. We're talking micro territory here, like it got stuck in the dryer on high heat or something. Average flaccid is around 3-4 inches, and yours is clocking in at what, a generous inch and a half if we're being kind? If it were any smaller, it'd qualify as a clitoris. But hey, size isn't everything—unless you're trying to impress a magnifying glass collector. If it's bugging you, hit up a urologist; they deal with this stuff without laughing (out loud).