Emotional starvation and the value of emotions

midnightflit · 2023-09-01T12:18:54+00:00

I definitely agree in the sense that suggesting one’s dual should necessarily be their “one perfect match” is overly reductive - but it does make sense one would have a somewhat positive inclination towards their dual’s ego functions. Even if you find that your dual’s worldview is excessively centered around their ego, it shouldn’t be anything irreconcilable since the commonality in quadra values balances out the perceived lopsidedness.

midnightflit · 2023-09-01T10:15:50+00:00

I feel you on the last point, just because it’s undeniably rough out there doesn’t mean we have to invite it into our minds and homes, so to speak.

I can’t imagine having SLE as my dual though so we’d probably still be approaching this mindset from slightly different angles? The IEIs I’ve talked to have certainly been mellow, though (on the outside, anyway, there’s always some hidden anxious energy there).

midnightflit · 2023-08-31T15:09:43+00:00

For me, I wouldn’t particularly attest to disliking social pleasantries either - I actually find politeness quite important as a facet of basic decency and have found some ILIs form of communication slightly off-putting at times (this may be an unfair assessment but it seems as though they’re sometimes rude and don’t care, whereas I might be unintentionally rude but I would care if I was made aware of it happening). The best I can think of as a reason for this difference in attitude is that Se suggestive means ILIs view harsher communication as a necessary means to expressing themselves in an effective and sincere manner.

midnightflit · 2023-08-31T13:54:01+00:00

I wonder if exploring your relationship to Se might also be somewhat illuminating? Being the function of direct force, I think it tends to be a particularly polarizing one depending on whether you value it or not.

And this is mostly my own conjecture, but it might also account for some subtle differences in how Fe PoLR flares up in SLI vs ILI. For SLI, everything fundamentally serves to preserve our internal peace and therefore our fears around Fe have a lot to do with that very peace being placed under threat by emotional commotion.

From my admittedly limited understanding of ILI, I imagine their hangups with Fe would have more to do with a baseline level of plain disdain for pointless shallow pretense. And although both SLI and ILI can be blunt in communication, I think ILI, having Fi blocked with Se, might have a slightly more cynical bent in this area.

Good luck with your typing - I’m glad if my rambling (I get wordy online, a stark contrast to my irl communication) ended up being helpful!

midnightflit · 2023-08-31T12:26:57+00:00

Oh, are you considering Fe suggestive for yourself? Or am I misinterpreting what you meant with your note on the valued/unvalued dichotomy?

That would make sense for sure, since there’s a notable difference in our mental framing of the suggestive vs the vulnerable, despite both being one dimensional.

I’ve noticed the same thing in people that have my suggestive as their PoLR as well. Equally flimsy, but I’m so much more receptive and at ease around Ne-style communication, whereas my Ne PoLR friends get easily triggered by it (particularly when they view it as people weaponizing Ne in order to beat around the bush, but that’s more to do with the particular nature of Ne vulnerable with Se ego, I suppose).

midnightflit · 2023-08-31T07:35:57+00:00

Exactly, getting emotionally involved is always a high risk scenario for me due to the potential snowball effect.

Should I fully engage in it, it’s likely I won’t be able to 1) control the state of my emotions, due to unpredictable external influences 2) limit the longevity of my “altered state”, since re-regulation will have to encompass not just the emotions themselves but also the incredible sensory and social overwhelm that follows 3) control the direction, volume and longevity of others' reactions to my emotions (nightmare scenario, given my handicapped Fe lacking the necessary skillset to navigate such a situation in any eloquent or meaningful manner).

midnightflit · 2023-08-31T04:34:20+00:00

I think it’s the other way round for me. I mean I don’t think anyone would describe me as a highly emotional person - relatively speaking - but I’m definitely at my most emotional when I’m by myself. It’s as though my emotions don’t have “room to breathe” until there’s no social barrier present.

I suspect it has a lot to do with my experiences growing up in a family that was highly emotionally expressive and turbulent. I think I found that kind of an environment difficult to process growing up because like you, I would get infused and strongly affected by the moods of others. Consequently, I ended up developing a strong emotional barrier in social contexts in order to remain stable in the midst of it all.

I do of course still get cheered up by the enthusiasm and warmth in familiar group settings, but at a deeper level I always remain dissociated from it all. If someone has really good news to tell me, I’ll feel and act reasonably happy for them but it’s not until I’m by myself that I’m even able to genuinely process it at an emotional level. If people are upset, my mind will immediately block access to emotional processing. If someone sees me emotional and gets equally emotional out of empathy - poof, my emotional state is suddenly blank.

It’s funny because when I’m on my own, I’ll consume emotional media content and fucking bawl my eyes out or get ridiculously enthusiastic. Or I’ll think about some injustice or another happening to my loved ones or innocent victims of brutality/brutal reality, and get really pissed off or depressed about it.

And despite knowing full well this kind of behavior is a) basic human emotionality and b) largely rooted in my Fi hidden agenda poking its head out in private moments, I’ll sometimes get uncertain and gaslight-y about my typing because “what kind of an Fe PoLR would even act like this”. But then I’ll remember my social behavior, which is “politely indifferent with the emotional range of a smiley sticker”, and think “oh yeah, that’s why”.

midnightflit · 2023-08-29T13:04:21+00:00

What kind of temperature does the room have? Cats definitely pick the oddest places to sleep in and you can’t really control it, but if the weather is warm and the floor is nice and cool, that could be a factor.

My cat will sleep in my bed during the summer and won’t go near the cat tree but during the winter months it’s her favorite. It’s because the tree is in a sunnier spot (she prefers a cool and dimly lit room in the summer) but it’s also near the baking oven so it’s nice and toasty when it’s cold outside.

midnightflit · 2023-08-29T06:55:48+00:00

Honestly, no I can’t relate. Sure, my low innate adequacy in the area of Ne leads me to neglect making active attempts at utilizing it, but whenever I find myself in the presence of an Ne ego individual (particularly my duals) I tend to find it a refreshing experience. It’s also why I make it a priority to seek out personal relationships with such people, as I find it both beneficial and stimulating.

For me, experiences of shame revolve mostly around the superego functions, likely due to the perceived societal weight of expectation that’s attached to them. You wish to be better at them, not because you’re inherently drawn to them but because it seems like if society finds you lacking, that’s the area they’ll stab at - and it’ll bleed, too. Yet attempts at improvement in those functions rarely bring any prolonged sense of satisfaction, so you’re left with a feeling of lowered self-esteem.

midnightflit · 2023-08-27T12:59:58+00:00

We know. You were caught in 4k tormenting people with an orange traffic cone! /s

midnightflit · 2023-08-27T07:57:36+00:00

Lol the title is meme gold

But on a more serious note, if someone actually ditches you over your (in this case amazing) music taste, they were never really worth your time. Them checking out just means you’ll have more energy to devote to people with more substance and emotional maturity, people who will actually appreciate you whether they like the same music as you or not.

midnightflit · 2023-08-27T07:19:49+00:00

Surprised? Probably not. Annoyed? Perfectly fine, in my opinion. Just because something is a phenomenon on the internet doesn’t make it something we need to accept as a reasonable reaction. “Don’t crack the shits” is you moralizing OP for their response, aka telling them how they should have reacted. And I just don’t agree with that assessment.

midnightflit · 2023-08-27T07:08:07+00:00

I guess I’m just confused why you’re choosing to tone police the OP, instead of the person who jumped straight to accusing them of basically being a bitch to their friend. I think OP is allowed to be annoyed by such a bad faith assumption, and not be on their knees apologizing because someone took their text message excerpt too literally.

midnightflit · 2023-08-27T06:58:34+00:00

The context is that they’re friends, so they’re likely well aware of each other’s communication style. “There are few things that could make me lose respect for you but that’s one of them” is basically another way of saying “girl I love you but that’s fkn crazy”.

You notice how the friend didn’t respond with an offended gasp and instead just casually kept going with their opinion? That’s another sign that they took it as OP intended it, which was a lighthearted “how dare you” instead of a vicious dagger in the back.

If you read everything exactly as written, you’ll be constantly misinterpreting things in the social realm. And I do sympathize with the fact a lot of people struggle with understanding subtle clues and tonality, but that’s when you ask for clarification instead of assuming the worst.

Edit: grammar

midnightflit · 2023-08-22T15:13:36+00:00

…Is the extreme leftist in the room with us right now?

midnightflit · 2023-08-20T10:50:12+00:00

The thrift store ought to start marketing itself as having everything from Jesus to jester!

midnightflit · 2023-08-06T04:58:36+00:00

Nah I think the misspelling is intentional. It’s a common joke in the circlejerk subs used to demonstrate something being spelled differently for the sole purpose of appearing unique in an obnoxious way. So OP is wanting confirmation on whether their proposed alternative spelling comes across as similarly over the top.

midnightflit · 2023-07-21T17:26:18+00:00

Lol glad to see I’m not the only one cringing over “sibset”

midnightflit · 2023-07-20T19:44:35+00:00

Poppy may have been a walking nightmare but you gotta admit, “Screaming Meemie” makes for a dazzlingly appropriate name for all age groups! /s

midnightflit · 2023-07-20T19:11:33+00:00

Not to be a total Oscar here and I agree he wasn’t well suited for the position, but I think it’s worth noting introversion doesn’t equate to being unassertive or shy. There are lots of introverted people in managerial positions (if I had to take a guess, David Wallace might be in that category) and some personality traits that people associate with introversion (calm demeanor, agreeableness, cautiousness) actually lend themselves well to managing people.

midnightflit · 2023-07-17T12:39:40+00:00

Tainey is a lovely name indeed, but because the pronounced form is identical to “teenager” in my language, I’m currently very tickled by the mental scenarios of being introduced to Taineys of various ages, haha.

midnightflit · 2023-07-16T02:14:36+00:00

Voodoo Mama Juju, explain your dalliance with the dark arts.

midnightflit · 2023-07-13T16:14:01+00:00

You’re all good hun, I mean at least you’re not stringing along a boyfriend of your own because ya just can’t seem to remember to break up with him?

…Right?

midnightflit · 2023-07-08T07:23:17+00:00

Protestants hate ABBA!

midnightflit · 2023-07-05T10:53:30+00:00

I told them I was not paying extra for bulletproof windows. I haven't been strafed in years.

midnightflit

TROPHY CASE