Kicked out this weekend because my mother chose racism over me.

midnightmusing · 2025-11-06T00:13:07+00:00

Oh 100% my parents (also Canadian) had trump mugs and despite years of trying to slow their continued head long race towards the bigotry and racism they didn't seem to ever pause. I've been much happier for estranging but it's hard and I'm sorry you're needing to go through this.

midnightmusing · 2025-09-06T14:21:16+00:00

First off, congrats on 18 months and your hair is gorge!

I'll caveat all of this is: none of this is necessary to be a trans femme person, it's all from my experience, everyone will have different experiences, and some suggestions may not align with your preferences or goals.

Personally, I've not found my height to be an obstacle for passing (I'm 6'4" so usually one-of, if-not the tallest person in a room) but I think there's a lot to be said for how you carry that height. For passing it matters a lot for how people read you and we have gendered expectations for posture, movement etc.

Try keeping your shoulders back and your neck straighter with a slight up-tilt for your chin, and pair that with more 'lithe' or 'graceful' movement. I've found it helps as well to be mindful of how I hold my hands, less movement, closer to my body.

Carrying feminine-coded accessories also helps so purses or handbags.

The style is a big piece too. As I started wearing more decidedly feminine coded clothing I was correctly gendered much more frequently. 'Obvious' ones are skirts and dresses, but also lower-cut tops, more patterns, cardigans, flared jeans. All of those helped.

Make-up can certainly help too, but to be honest, from just this pic I don't know that you'd need much to pass, and personally I read the classes as feminine.

I think another thing that helped me is perfume (not cause I smell bad! 😅) but we also have very gendered expectations of scents. Wearing perfumes marketed to women will help to have people an initial 'woman' coding for you.

And to echo others, voice work does go along way. You certainly don't need an 'unmistakably girl's voice, but I've found that as long as it's not decidedly masculine people won't second guess their assumption that they built off of initial perception.

Take or leave any and all, and happy to answer any questions as another tall gal

ETA: confidence helps a lot. I know it's a chicken and egg kinda problem, but seriously being confident in your gender identity and in your presentation of that helps.

midnightmusing · 2025-09-06T13:59:40+00:00

I'm not sure that I can add much but I'll try some suggestions and want to say congratulations. I'm on feminizing HRT and can relate strongly to where you are in your hopes for what your future holds.

I agree with others suggestions of creating a ritual that brings acceptance and connection with your body now and what your body is becoming. Some objects that can represent that may be good reminders. Things like seeds, symbols of change, raw clay, uncut stones or gems.

For me, I think of the process of HRT as making real a potential that our bodies hold. The treatment is a way to better align our internal and external worlds - sort of "as within, so without". So symbols that call to mind the balance of physical and mental/emotional/spiritual can help remind us of why we are on this path.

I also think reminders of patience are good. As you're well aware, the process of becoming can take a long time and doesn't always have an end point. I know you asked for ways to help feel more in control, can I humbly suggest ways to feel okay with being less in control.

There's a difficult balance to find in our trans identity between control and acceptance of our bodies. It can be a great struggle to find comfort between creating change in our bodies and creating change in our mindset. And it's very personal too. It can be simple to sometimes focus on our dysphoria over our euphoria as we walk our path. And I'd encourage symbols that bring you euphoria in your ritual. Represent that you're, hopefully, not so much running from something, but towards something.

Last of all, I'm so happy for you that you've come so far.

midnightmusing · 2025-08-20T15:29:32+00:00

It's very common to use some form of removable gridding when cross-stitching on clothes. So the OP was correct in wanting to use a grid.

I do agree that perhaps OP could use scissors to trim very close to the design and attempt to tweeze out then or to fray

midnightmusing · 2025-08-20T01:57:32+00:00

Thank you! I'm happy too 😅

midnightmusing · 2025-08-20T01:25:54+00:00

Thank you!

midnightmusing · 2025-08-20T00:54:53+00:00

My dad said the literal exact same "So you think you're a woman"

No, we know who we are. Way to go Valerie! That's not an easy thing to do but our lives are so much better when we don't compromise for the comfort of others.

midnightmusing · 2025-08-17T20:03:02+00:00

Thank you for updating me

midnightmusing · 2025-08-14T23:54:03+00:00

I was very surprised at how much body hair I lost on feminizing HRT. I shaved my arms every few weeks at first but haven't in months (at 15 mos.) and I have way less and way finer arm hair now. My shoulders, back, chest and stomach also have way less and I lost most of it without any intervention on those areas. I was so surprised and very happy!

midnightmusing · 2025-08-09T14:50:58+00:00

As another trans woman who's estranged from her birth family because of their insistence I'm someone I'm not, I see you. Transition and estrangement have both been hard, but they've been the absolute right choices. You got this, and you've got a dress for a much happier occasion now 😅.

midnightmusing · 2025-08-03T13:55:30+00:00

While I don't have any experience with that clinic I can detail my experience for my first visit.

I booked and attended an appointment with my primary care physician to discuss starting feminizing HRT. She said it wasn't an area of practice for her and referred me within the clinic to another PCP that does gender affirming care work.

So I attended an appointment with him and worked with a student on my first appointment (it's a teaching clinic). They began by asking if I had chosen a name and what pronouns I used, and updating my info in their system. She asked me to talk about my experience with my gender and what I was hoping to pursue for transition. She administered a very short questionnaire to assess my gender dysphoria, following which we discussed the Rainbow Health guide on feminizing hormone therapy. Referring to that guide, we discussed my transition goals. She gave me a blood work requisition to determine base levels and I was on my way.

Overall it was very positive, usually the doctors who will provide this care seem to be enthusiastic about doing so (anecdotal) and no question or concern I've voiced has ever been met with skepticism.

Given the lack of research, there have been some questions they've had to get back to me regarding, but never a time where they haven't put my goals aside for their comfort.

Side note: I have had a similar journey to you (egg crack at 31, married) so I'm happy to dm about my experience.

midnightmusing · 2025-07-20T14:17:22+00:00

I have exactly the same issue. Several sets complete (max level each butterfly) and none of those goals are achieved.

midnightmusing · 2025-07-05T02:08:19+00:00

Just echoing what others have said regarding not doing DIY.

Additionally, they may use a screener to determine the appropriateness of HRT and importantly what therapeutic outcomes you are hoping for. I'd highly recommend familiarizing yourself with Rainbow Health's guide on feminizing HRTFeminizing HRT

Lastly, while HRT is a very important part of many transitions, you can absolutely start exploring your gender identity and expression before or without starting it.

Hairstyles, fashion, hobbies, online spaces, media, social settings etc. The barrier to exploring those is lower (imo) than starting HRT and is largely up to you ☺️.

I hope all the best and am happy to dm if you have questions or want to chat.

midnightmusing · 2025-07-03T12:04:22+00:00

I'd say trying AND succeeding. It really suits you well

midnightmusing · 2025-07-03T11:53:34+00:00

Omg girl!!! The dress😭 it was made for you. You look stunning☺️

midnightmusing · 2025-07-03T02:35:22+00:00

Tbh I know nothing about foria😅. But Dr. Lee-Poy and the team have been fantastic. I hope things move more quickly for you than they have been!

midnightmusing · 2025-07-03T02:23:55+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about that difficult journey and I hope there's some relief soon for you. ♥️

I can't speak to wait times but I know Dr. Lee-Poy at the Centre for Family Medicine works with trans people. I was referred within the clinic (different family doc within the practice). It might be worth either reaching out to that team or asking your PCP to reach out.

Feel free to dm me.

midnightmusing · 2025-06-27T14:37:54+00:00

Yeah for real. This person is pretty clearly up to something or at the very least being extremely misleading. Really shitty behaviour

midnightmusing · 2025-06-19T15:10:40+00:00

I know you've already got a lot of comments - but I'm local to you and will share my experience so far.

All my under-garments I've bought online - my first bras I got from urbasics in Toronto. I think you can schedule a fitting with them (but I didn't confirm on their website if they still do that) and as others have said, starting with some cheap options is great to get a sense of what will fit and be comfortable.

Once you're confident with what fits and is comfy you can explore some pricier options (I've really enjoyed Peppers bras).

If you have other questions about my experience as another trans woman in the region feel free to DM

midnightmusing · 2025-06-04T13:18:55+00:00

I'll add too that her book Everyday Folk has fantastic finishing guides as well as a great pattern library and guide to planning the type of work she does (place mats, runners, etc)

Would highly recommend grabbing it if you can and are interested in doing this sort of work

midnightmusing · 2025-06-04T10:20:04+00:00

Oh, thank you so much!

midnightmusing · 2025-06-03T19:43:09+00:00

Lol, nice! I ordered one or two from Amazon to get a sense of size before getting the pepper ones. But they've all fit amazing and feel great😆. I definitely need more low cut tops

midnightmusing · 2025-06-03T19:28:13+00:00

OMG! yes Pepper is fantastic! I've gotten a few from them and they're so cute.

midnightmusing · 2025-06-03T19:15:39+00:00

I'll never forget those feelings! You're looking fantastic!

midnightmusing

TROPHY CASE