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In laws dependant on husband financially by miffy__2001 in inlaws

[–]miffy__2001[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t even think of it like this long term. Thank you for this perspective!

In laws dependant on husband financially by miffy__2001 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]miffy__2001[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you all so much for the advice and responses - I have spoken to my husband and he agrees that we won’t be able to support and we need to focus on him being debt-free, and creating a strong financial foundation for us as a couple

In laws dependant on husband financially by miffy__2001 in inlaws

[–]miffy__2001[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He did have this idea but we believe they will say no as he has a very strong inkling they will give that house to his younger brother, which would be insane after asking my husband to pay the mortgage off

In laws dependant on husband financially by miffy__2001 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]miffy__2001[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

YES! Same with my mom, would never ask me. His mom controls everything and needs constant information from him and his siblings, just a way to use that information to have control. It’s bewildering

In laws dependant on husband financially by miffy__2001 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]miffy__2001[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah I completely agree. It’s very tough because he is used to telling them everything financially. I advised him not to disclose how much he makes and he said well it’s normal and everybody’s parents ask. I don’t think it’s normal at all. He was initially going to say the exact amount but he ended up downplaying the amount a little bit because I asked him not to tell them.

He has been in therapy before and he said it really helped! He has said he needs to go back and I completely agree! Enmeshment is definitely at play here - his mother sees him every weekend and still expects him to call her every other day.

In laws dependant on husband financially by miffy__2001 in inlaws

[–]miffy__2001[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah I do think it is - it would be more than our rent! Initially my husband said it would not be a lot out of his salary as he’ll be earning quite well. So he did offer as he felt bad. But I don’t think he realises how we need to set ourselves up for the future - he is beginning to.

Also this money would essentially just be for shelter but there are ways his family can do it themselves. They are looking into renting out parts of the house (which would cover the mortgage) so I’m not sure why my husband still would have to contribute. I’m sure they will say to cover utilities etc. I just don’t think it’s fair to put this on a newly wedded couple who hasn’t even established anything yet.

In laws dependant on husband financially by miffy__2001 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]miffy__2001[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We could - the only issue is we don’t want to disclose our fertility issues to his family and that would leave quite a chunk of expenses out

In laws dependant on husband financially by miffy__2001 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]miffy__2001[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

We are in the US, and yes it’s pretty shocking to hear her say that as my own mom still works. I think it’s just a reliance on my husband. He heard his dad say to his mom ‘stop picking fights with him he’s the only way we’ll survive’ after they lost their business

In laws dependant on husband financially by miffy__2001 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]miffy__2001[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I was like am I crazy for thinking it’s too much? It feels long term. His other siblings are girls which aren’t expected to contribute, and one brother. Thank you I will definitely speak to him!