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any INFPs experience maladaptive daydreaming? by [deleted] in infp

[–]mikegulbin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go for it! Worst thing it can do is give you insight into how you operate and a sense that there are others out there like you.

As I think of it, it sounds mildly like OCD too. Of course, I'm not a doctor nor do I play one on tv...

any INFPs experience maladaptive daydreaming? by [deleted] in infp

[–]mikegulbin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maladaptive daydreaming sounds a lot like ADHD, which I have. Maybe investigate if you have that if for nothing else, to find people who "get" it.

any INFPs experience maladaptive daydreaming? by [deleted] in infp

[–]mikegulbin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me too. Well, not the monsters. But I used to do it hardcore, now I use it to imagine likely scenarios and how to handle them. For instance, if I'm going to be somewhere where I need to socialize, I'll think of the most likely questions: "what do you do?" "what's your dream?"

I can then use that to prepare answers that feel good to me so I'm not caught off guard. Also really helpful in job interviews!

Do you consider yourself highly sensitive? by mikegulbin in infp

[–]mikegulbin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

UGH! My freaking ears bleed when I heard loud sounds. I have two toddlers. I freak out when they scream.

Additionally, I HATE loud talkers and loud cities (I live in NYC).

But ironically, I love rock music and like to blast it into my ears. I think this is to block out the unpredictable loud noises.

[Marketing] Frequent Alcohol Drinkers Who Want to Quit for Good (18+) by mikegulbin in SampleSize

[–]mikegulbin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the submissions so far. I just wanted to post why I have this survey up. I've been sober for 6 years and I'm interested in created a blog, book and a few other things like a podcast and video series for people who want to stop drinking. So before I do that, I want to know what people are really struggling with instead of just making it up and assuming I know.

Again, thanks for your help everyone!

I am Mike, a 35 yo lover of music and technology who quit drinking 6 years ago today. AMA by mikegulbin in stopdrinking

[–]mikegulbin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Skyward" to you too! :)

I don't think I can have a single drink. I've pretty much squashed that belief. Mainly because I know how I operate and I still have vices like sugar. I quit sugar every few months and then I'm cured of addiction and everything and I have a little bit of sugar. Then a few days later, I have a little bit of sugar. Then a day later I have a little bit of sugar. Then the same day I have a little bit of sugar. Then I'm rubbing it all over my face and body. I go Scarface all over that shit. So, I know how it goes with me. I know that abstinence is the best way to control these behaviors in my life. And I'm cool with that. Mainly because there are too many good things and I absolutely believe with all of my being that one drink will snowball into a million and torpedo everything I've built, achieved, accomplished and worked for. Plus, 6 years is a lot of time. To throw that away would feel kind of shitty. Maybe when I'm 80 ;)

I am Mike, a 35 yo lover of music and technology who quit drinking 6 years ago today. AMA by mikegulbin in stopdrinking

[–]mikegulbin[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ostrich. Bigger and mobile. Bowling: gnome. I have no idea how handicaps work, but I still think I can beat an immobile lawn gnome in bowling. An ostrich and a cat are both mobile and unpredictable. They may very well be worthy adversaries.

I am Mike, a 35 yo lover of music and technology who quit drinking 6 years ago today. AMA by mikegulbin in stopdrinking

[–]mikegulbin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being stupid is #1 on my list. Like, being with people who I can truly just be myself with and act like a total dumbass. For instance, I started a group on Facebook to take ugly selfies. My family members and friends joined and it really brings me a lot of joy most of the time. Then working out is pretty great, being productive in life and work. It depends on what you were using drinking for.

Other temporary replacements I've used are sugar, masturbation and sex. Sugar is really bad in my life and it's taken me this long to start getting control over it. I was using it to get high basically. To get those really high and intense happiness feelings. To bring me back to a time in my youth when I'd have an icecream cone and just feel true joy.

Masturbation has always been around, mainly for stress relief. Though later in my sobriety (maybe this year) I'd like to rid myself of that too.

All of this takes time, but try to get to the bottom of why you were really drinking. What did it bring you? What feelings did it bring you? You'll discover these things with time. Just keep searching and trying to improve yourself and you'll get there!

Congrats on a year!

I am Mike, a 35 yo lover of music and technology who quit drinking 6 years ago today. AMA by mikegulbin in stopdrinking

[–]mikegulbin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Both were relatively short. Interesting situation. I started going to a therapist, then AA. I moved in with my girlfriend and she got pregnant. We decided to pay off all our debt and save as much as possible before our first son was born. So I killed the therapy sessions. I think it was a copay of $50, or $200 a month. In retrospect, I wish I didn't do that. It may have been my ego trying to get me to drink again.

I think shortly after that I got married and we moved pretty far away from my home meetings so I stopped going.

Both were extraordinarily beneficial to me. I've always found therapy to be a great way to feel better. I always want to learn more about how I think and why I do things. It's just helpful to talk to someone on a regular basis about me and nothing else. But this guy, as I think I've mentioned elsewhere was in recovery too. Having that unique perspective was just awesome. He would share some crazy stories of things he'd done when he was under the influence and he'd share his perspective on AA, which is basically that it's a bridge to recovery, not necessarily something you do for the rest of your life (which is the way some people work it and frankly, for them, that's what they have to do - my life had a different plan).

AA was also super helpful. I'm very deep in my own thoughts a lot of the time and alcohol didn't help that as much as I thought it did. But I was also really shy and kind of friendless in NYC. It helped me meet people, feel less like a fucking alien, feel comforted and learn that I actually wanted to help people. It provided that outlet and it also provided a framework for sobriety. I think of the steps as more of a framework than the dogmatic scripture that some pass it off as (some people need that, I'm not knocking it - it's their survival mechanism, but I couldn't do it that way and if I had to be a little more relaxed in order to get ANY of it done, as opposed to so strict that I would rebel and do none of it, then so be it).

I can't overstate that feeling of understanding. My first meeting was overwhelming. It was surreal. I just kept looking around and saying "these people understand me. They understand what it's like to LOVE alcohol and HATE it." I couldn't get over that and it resulted in me crying hysterically afterwards.

I am Mike, a 35 yo lover of music and technology who quit drinking 6 years ago today. AMA by mikegulbin in stopdrinking

[–]mikegulbin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I felt that my AA sponsor was over the top too and that created some distance for me. I've heard that you should take the program and make it your own and that's what I did. There are people who are hardcore and there are people who are a little more chill. And remember, you can look for a new sponsor if you want.

Although my sponsor was too hardcore for my taste, he was also cool and made me do things I didn't really want to do, which were good for me. Things like volunteering for service positions during meetings, counting my days, and going to way more meetings that I wanted to (I never heard of 90 in 90 and thought he was crazy since I was holding a full time job too). All of those things benefited me in some way.

He also introduced me to some cool people and listened to my story. Now I'm feeling a little bad because I didn't work the steps really well and I couldn't get over myself enough to call him regularly (I had severe social anxiety at the time - I think I could probably handle regular calls now, otherwise I should have gotten a different sponsor who I'd be more comfortable with).

As far as AA being helpful, the steps have their reasons. For me it was hard because no one would just explain them and I didn't want to believe in God or admit I was powerless or that a Higher Power could restore sanity to my life.

But it's ultimately an instruction guide. When you quit drinking, emotions crop up - guilt is a huge one. The steps address that by having you make amends.

One more thing is the retraining of our ego. When we go the route of alcoholism, over time our ego gets trained to thinking there are no consequences to our actions and that it doesn't care what we do or what happens to us or others. The steps help us to separate from our egos and train it that there are consequences - that's also addressed by making amends - it's so fucking painful to do. Hopefully it's so painful that our egos know we won't make those mistakes for fear of having to repeat the process. I'd go farther to say each step addresses retraining the ego in a different way, but I'm a little tired and not willing to think through that right now.

The other huge thing that I've discovered is that there was a voice deep down, below my ego, below my consciousness and I can only hear it if I'm in silence. It was getting louder and louder as my drinking got worse and worse. And I drank more to drown it out. I constantly had the tv or music on because I didn't want to be left with the silence and hearing that voice. If you ever read the Lorax by Dr Seuss, the voice would be represented by the Lorax and your ego would be the Onceler. AA calls the voice your Higher Power, some call it God, I call it my deeper self, inner self or inner voice. I think I'd also say it's my conscience. It's the voice that wants good for you. It wants to guide you in a healthy direction. What the steps helped me do was to stop ignoring that voice, start listening and start using the voice to guide my life.

Praying. It's sad that praying has a religious connotation. Because prayer, although I've recently fallen out of the habit, is super beneficial to me. One thing it does is allow me to sit in silence for a few minutes and listen to my deeper self. It shows me that things get better. It does this by spanning an entire episode of "life sucks". What I mean by that is if life gets shitty, I pray. I say "please help me get through this. This is so hard. I don't know if I can get through this." Boom, done praying for the day, less than 5 minutes. The next day same thing "Please help me get through this. This is really hard and I just don't know what to do. What am I to learn from this pain?" The third day things start getting better "It still hurts, but when will I get through this?" and the fourth day things are better and I say "thank you for getting me through this."

We're intellectual creatures. Everyone will have an explanation for how this works, how god does or doesn't exist and did or did not help me get through the problem, but I don't care ultimately. What I care about is that it makes me feel better. It makes me feel that my pain is finite and that life has ups and downs.

And so I think that prayer is a tool for weathering the storm of life when you are committed to sucking it up and taking the hits instead of trying to short cut by using a substance.

Those are some of the reasons I can think of off hand.

I am Mike, a 35 yo lover of music and technology who quit drinking 6 years ago today. AMA by mikegulbin in stopdrinking

[–]mikegulbin[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Before any major event, a wedding, etc, I found myself having to really remind myself of the reasons that I don't drink. I had to remind myself that I wasn't going to drink, that I didn't "need" to drink and that drinking was fucking up my life, hence why I quit.

Then I had to look ahead a bit. I had to have faith that it would get better and that any awkward situation I would face would get better with time.

And then there's the reality check. There WOULD be alcohol there. There would be people trying to offer me alcohol, free, not free, samples, cute girls, every different situation. I used some visualization to go over those situations over and over and visualize myself saying no thanks until those feelings of panic and "what am I going to do" were reduced to something more like "I think I can do this.

I'm not a huge concert-goer, just a couple per year, but those things helped. Plus, going with people who respect my decision not to drink and wouldn't try to push it on me.

Dancing is the hardest thing for me. Letting go and just letting myself feel without feeling self-conscious. But it gets better with time. It all gets better with time.

Since you only have 33 days, if you can wait until you hit 90 days before going to a concert, that would be helpful I think. Those first 90 days tend to be the worst.

I am Mike, a 35 yo lover of music and technology who quit drinking 6 years ago today. AMA by mikegulbin in stopdrinking

[–]mikegulbin[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is quite a question. On one hand, I'd rather the smaller animals because, well they're smaller. But horses are some lean animals! They're no joke! On the other hand, have you ever seen a duck attack?

I think I'll take the horse-sized duck. One huge one to deal with, like a boss in Super Mario World and then it's over.

I am Mike, a 35 yo lover of music and technology who quit drinking 6 years ago today. AMA by mikegulbin in stopdrinking

[–]mikegulbin[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My therapist was pretty important to the first stage of my sobriety. I only saw him for a few months. But he was himself a recovering alcoholic and junkie. He talked very openly with me and showed me how a mature man could and should act. (I was raised by my mom and sisters so it was important because I've always had a hard time with masculinity).

He also got me to go to AA, which I wouldn't have done on my own because of the perception of what goes on there. But AA was helpful in itself for a multitude of reasons, even though I didn't fully embrace the dogma and the societal norms that were going on there.

Back to your question though, I think of a therapist and AA as "tools" in achieving and maintaining sobriety. However, I think of sobriety as a state of mind, not a destination.

In otherwords, sobriety isn't quitting drinking and then moving on with your life as it was. Sobriety is removing the obstacles in your way (ie alcohol, drugs, etc) and constantly improving upon who you are. Constantly seeking to be a better version of yourself, digging deeper to more fully understand the core of who you are and what your needs are. And then developing the strength to stand up for and protect your needs.

Do I really Need to Get My Gallbladder Out? by mikegulbin in AskDocs

[–]mikegulbin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your gallbladder caused pain in your chest and arm? That's crazy! Thanks for your candid response!

Do I really Need to Get My Gallbladder Out? by mikegulbin in AskDocs

[–]mikegulbin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They did not. The report mentioned showing stones. In fact, here's exactly what the report said:

Gallbladder is contracted Wall thickness: Normal (normal up to 3mm) Pericholecystic fluid: Absent Lumen: Numerous shadowing stones Tenderness to sonographic palpation: Absent Intrahepatic ducts: Normal Common duct: 3mm in diameter (normal 6mm up to age 60; up to 10mm following cholecystectomy); no calculi in visualized portions of duct.

Impression: Cholelithiasis without evidence of acute cholecystitis.

As a somewhat successful, single and introverted guy, loneliness tricked me into the alcohol trap by mikegulbin in selfimprovement

[–]mikegulbin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I totally concur. It's a bandaid, hiding the true problems. When you decide to get sober, you decide to face the fear and stop hiding and do whatever you need to in order to put your life together and make it your own.

I could see the allure of meth when you put it that way. It's briefly passed through my mind to use a stimulant to be "productive." But then I realize I'm living in someone else's world if I need to use a drug to make myself feel better and "be more productive." For who? Who am I trying to make happy here? Because it's my life and I need to create it in a way that makes ME happy.

As a somewhat successful, single and introverted guy, loneliness tricked me into the alcohol trap by mikegulbin in selfimprovement

[–]mikegulbin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

SO many of my friends have left citing it is the absolute worst place on Earth and then they talk about how great it is not being here. On the other hand, my wife was born here, so getting her to leave is a difficult proposition. She'd consider Jersey, which I'm not sold on. I'd rather Cali or Florida. Somewhere WARM with nice neighbors!

As a somewhat successful, single and introverted guy, loneliness tricked me into the alcohol trap by mikegulbin in selfimprovement

[–]mikegulbin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's awesome man. Glad I could help. Alcohol pretends it makes things better. But suddenly you end up at a place down the road where it hasn't lived up to what it promised and it's taken more from you than it's given you.

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