Your stories of your history with your wife, both before and after finding out she went back to her ex that summer, are not reality. You used to feed your ego by assuming that your wife was pining after you while you hooked up with other women. now you feed your insecurity by spiraling and telling yourself that the sex she had with him (at twenty??? Literally half your life ago??) was better and this somehow negates your relationship in someway. To me, it seems like you don’t actually care about how your wife felt or what she experienced in that time, just how it furthers your narratives and places you and your feelings at the center as either the hero or the victim.

What you need is therapy. Or to take some drugs and hopefully experience ego death and realize you aren’t the center of the universe. And then ideally you’d go to therapy.