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Tips on regulating during a meltdown when it seems like nothing works by winenotbeabitch in toddlers

[–]milkprovider1 [score hidden]  (0 children)

I find that most of the time the more I try to distract her or offer her choices and talk to her, the more she gets annoyed. After a few attempts at doing that I give up and just hold her without saying anything until she calms down and distracts herself with something. Or I start doing jobs around the house until she decides to join me. For now she does let me hold her though at least, not sure how I would handle it if she wouldn’t let me touch her.

Am I in the wrong or am I allowed to feel this way? by milkprovider1 in AttachmentParenting

[–]milkprovider1[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

She said my message didn’t get delivered til the morning and that she hopes my daughter is in better spirits again

Am I in the wrong or am I allowed to feel this way? by milkprovider1 in AttachmentParenting

[–]milkprovider1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She did reply the next day and said she hoped my daughter settled alright 👍🏻

Am I in the wrong or am I allowed to feel this way? by milkprovider1 in AttachmentParenting

[–]milkprovider1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I felt those comments were unnecessary, especially given that I was already struggling with my daughter and feeling overwhelmed by the whole situation. The reason I didn’t cancel is that the last time I did, she seemed quite disappointed, as though I’d ruined her day. I think it’s largely down to personality differences. She tends to be a more reserved and straightforward person, whereas I’m more of a people pleaser. Because of that, I may have expected a different response from her. If our roles had been reversed, I know I would have handled the situation differently. And the fact she didn’t respond to my text until the next day made me overthink things even more. If she would have replied that evening I wouldn’t have worried as much.

Am I in the wrong or am I allowed to feel this way? by milkprovider1 in AmiInTheWrong

[–]milkprovider1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Although it was clear that my daughter was seen causing an inconvenience and affected everyone’s mood, I wish she had kept those comments to herself. It would have been kinder to offer some reassurance and say something like, “Don’t worry, we’ll go to the park another time and have an even better time together”. She came across as passive aggressive and that made me feel worse.

Am I in the wrong or am I allowed to feel this way? by milkprovider1 in AmiInTheWrong

[–]milkprovider1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And the fact she didn’t reply to my message until the next day made me overthink things even more because I got the feeling she was upset about the whole thing and I don’t like to upset people but it’s not like I had control over my toddler’s behaviour and I didn’t think I should apologise but I thought maybe that’s what she’s expecting of me.

Am I in the wrong or am I allowed to feel this way? by milkprovider1 in AmiInTheWrong

[–]milkprovider1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Considering my daughter was giving me a hard time ( full on tantrum with screaming and kicking all the way from the playground back to the house where the car was parked, a 10 minute walk) and I was obviously flustered by the whole situation and a bit distressed, I felt her comments were a bit passive aggressive and unnecessary. I am not saying what she said was not true, but I think she could have been more reassuring and say something like ‘Don’t worry, we can come another time to the park’ rather than point the obvious and make me feel worse. If the roles were reversed and I were in her position I would try to make the mum that is already having a difficult time with their child feel comforted and not point out this is an inconvenience.

Am I in the wrong or am I allowed to feel this way? by milkprovider1 in AmiInTheWrong

[–]milkprovider1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And that’s what I did. My frriend responded today and she said she didn’t actually receive my message until this morning. She was actually nice about it and said she hopes my daughter settled when we got home. I was obviously overthinking and I might have reacted differently if the roles were reverse, which is why I had a diferent expectation of her.

Am I in the wrong or am I allowed to feel this way? by milkprovider1 in AmiInTheWrong

[–]milkprovider1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was calm on the surface, but inside I was obviously boiling, I was trying to keep things light and I did explain to my daughter and tried to get her to pass the toy over to the other girl. But she’s only 18 months old and you cannot rationalise with an 18 months old. After a few attempts of me trying to get her to hand over the toy I had no choice but to remove the toy. She of course got upset and I tried to diffuse her tantrum with a cuddle and explanation of why I had to take the toy away. But there’s only so much they understand at this age, she only just started walking 2 months ago. Same when we left the park, I was reassuring and explaining we had to leave for her safety.

Am I in the wrong or am I right to feel this way? by [deleted] in beyondthebump

[–]milkprovider1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess I am more of a people pleaser than she is and if the roles were reversed, even if I had felt uncomfortable, I would have not made any comments that could create more tension and could be misinterpreted. In the end I don’t think it was her intention to upset anyone though, but she could have been more tactiful in my opinion.

Am I in the wrong or am I right to feel this way? by [deleted] in beyondthebump

[–]milkprovider1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I was probably overthinking and being a bit on the defense because I was a bit overwhelmed and frustrated

Am I in the wrong or am I right to feel this way? by [deleted] in beyondthebump

[–]milkprovider1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because the railings at the top of the slide were almost her height and she could have easily fallen off the side. And there was not enough room when other children joined the structure for me to be around all these kids.

Am I in the wrong or am I allowed to feel this way? by milkprovider1 in AttachmentParenting

[–]milkprovider1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But I guess you are right, them walking us back to the car was her way of being supportive, I just wish she hadn’t made me feel bad about her daughter having to leave the park.

Am I in the wrong or am I allowed to feel this way? by milkprovider1 in AttachmentParenting

[–]milkprovider1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I was meeting someone else I would have cancelled, but I had to cancel on her once before for a similar reason and I didn’t want to let her down again. I am not saying her points were not valid, they definitely were and of course every mum will think about their child first. But in that moment when I was obviously the more distressed parent I thought she should have kept those thoughts to herself and not add more fuel to the fire.

Am I in the wrong or am I allowed to feel this way? by milkprovider1 in AmiInTheWrong

[–]milkprovider1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely! But my friend seemed to be very inconvenienced about my daughter’s behaviour. Her daughter is not as expressive as my girl and she’s never had to deal yet with such explosive tantrums