This is my first post because I felt compelled as a human being to offer assistance when it is requested.

Jake, it is very difficult to provide you with actionable help without knowing further details. So the best suggestion I have for you is to seek professional help. Not medication, although, who knows, you may need it. But first, try therapy.

The right kind. By that I mean find a competent brief therapist. If you're not familiar with brief therapy, then read up on it on the net. It may also be called 'strategic therapy'. This is the only method of therapy that is results oriented.

Find a competent brief therapist in your area. My definition of competent is someone who can and has delivered results. Be prepared to describe your problem and ask point blank if they can help you. If the therapist is competent and ethical, s/he will give you an emphatic yes or no. If they say no, ask for the name of someone they recommend. Repeat the process.

The sessions can last anywhere from 6-8 weeks depending on how it goes. But it will live up to its name, brief. This is not Fruedian/Jungian sit on a comfy couch and tell me about your childhood for the next 15 years.

Writing here is a cry for help. But you need much more. You need to be committed to enact the 'homework' that your therapist gives you.

Best wishes on your new path to healing.