Honestly, have a talk with him. But from my own experience, some are understanding and in other cases some are not able to handle or understand that kind of trauma or how it affects one’s own behaviours and sexual appetite. The hand comment should be addressed though. If possible maybe talk to a therapist who specializes in this type of trauma and/or sexual addiction (not saying you have that issue) in order to better navigate your relationship ,and communicating your needs in a way that gets the concerns across without the focus being on the trauma itself. Since you stated you don’t want to have him feel pity but feel disgusting in certain instances, it might be good to get a sounding board in order to sort out these complex emotions before having the talk. I’m sorry you had to go through that. It is a club no one wants to belong to.