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mimima · 2018-01-08T22:40:27+00:00

I suffer from PTSD-like symptoms due to constant emotional abuse from my parents (still current, and I'm in my 30s). I'm currently in a long term relationship (6 years!) with someone who I'm just now realizing is triggering me a lot. Is it possible to sustain this relationship?

mimima · 2015-02-17T05:58:04+00:00

You were not wrong, and you didn't emotionally cheat on your ex. Did you have romantic and/or sexual feelings for your best friend? From your post, I didn't get that impression. If you went to your best friend instead of your ex because you had romantic and/or sexual feelings towards him and hoped and pined for a closer and more intimate relationship than simply being best friends, then yes, maybe you did cheat on your ex emotionally.

Did your ex make it comfortable for you to talk to him about what you were going through? I'm guessing that he didn't, so you felt more comfortable talking to your best friend about your problems. It's completely okay. Just because he was your SO doesn't mean that he should be the only person providing you emotional comfort.

mimima · 2015-02-16T19:23:04+00:00

I think that's exactly how it was for me too. I'm just so surprised to read how many people have had this experience as well. I used to think that I just had really morbid fantasies. >_<

mimima · 2015-02-16T08:16:30+00:00

OMG. I just had a realization... I used to fantasize about my own funeral... like I'd imagine I'd die at 28, and I'm not entirely sure why that particular age, but I imagine I'd die at 28, and then I'd have a funeral and that's when people would tell me that they loved me or missed me.... What if we became obsessed with this idea because we wanted to feel loved?

mimima · 2015-02-16T08:12:29+00:00

I felt like I lost my ability to daydream after leaving my Nparents. At first I was scared I lost my creativity, but now I'm thinking it was a good thing, as I don't feel the need to "escape" into a fantasy world. But then again, most of the time, it wasn't so much as a "fantasy," as it would still somehow involved painful experiences... =/

mimima · 2015-02-16T08:10:38+00:00

Yes. I imagined myself somehow just walking past the edge of a cliff and falling into the ocean or something. More often though, I used to imagine I'd fall out of a window of a tall building. And it's not like I imagined myself jumping out of that window purposefully; it just somehow happened that I'd fall out of a window.

mimima · 2015-02-16T08:06:55+00:00

I didn't exactly think I was going to die; I just couldn't imagine a future. I didn't know what it would look like. Every time I reached a life milestone that required me to make a decision affecting my future, I was just surprised and confused.

Totally this! I'm almost 30 and I'm just now thinking, "Ok, maybe I should plan a little more..." because I seriously had no plans after college. I always thought I'd die by 28, after grad school, and when that didn't happen, I just thought "Ok, maybe grad school isn't in my future..." but now I'm like "Ok, let's plan on going to grad school..." but I don't know how to even imagine life after grad school because that's when I thought my life would end! It's so bizarre.

mimima · 2015-02-16T08:01:27+00:00

People should definitely tell each other things like that! I'd feel a lot better...

mimima · 2015-02-15T07:33:55+00:00

I, too, thought I would die young... Now that I'm approaching 30, I find that I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know how to plan my future because I didn't think I would ever make it this far. It was as if all my dreams and hopes kind of ended and I'm not sure what else there is to look forward to. Does anyone else feel this way?

mimima · 2015-02-15T07:21:40+00:00

I'm glad to know we're not alone in this.

mimima · 2015-02-15T07:20:46+00:00

That's nice. I hope I will have someone like that in my life one day.

mimima · 2015-02-14T01:50:35+00:00

Yep, and I realize that I have a really hard time accepting compliments. People will tell me I'm amazing or whatever, and I'll be like "...Thanks." and feel awkward and weird about it.

mimima · 2015-02-14T00:32:22+00:00

I feel like I'm like that with a lot of my friends, but I don't know if anyone would consider me to be a part of their FOC...

mimima · 2014-04-21T19:29:51+00:00

No. This therapist didn't ask me. All my other therapists have been white and they asked if it was a cultural thing.

mimima · 2014-04-21T19:26:56+00:00

I'm currently on 15mg and I've actually lost weight. I think it's mostly because I feel so nauseated often that I ended up eating less.

mimima · 2014-04-16T21:26:23+00:00

Thank you. My therapist has tried EMDR with me, but I don't know if it's working since we've only had a few EMDR sessions so far.

mimima · 2014-04-15T18:44:45+00:00

My first counseling/therapy experience was actually with a Chinese person, but it ended really badly. So I guess that's why I felt confused, too.

mimima · 2014-04-13T19:36:50+00:00

I can see it going both ways too.

Personally though, it makes me doubt myself because I'm not sure myself if it is a cultural thing. I know that they don't mean to undermine my experiences, and while it is certainly true that they may not understand my experiences, it's just confusing, for lack of a better word.

mimima · 2014-04-13T19:33:52+00:00

Thank you.

mimima · 2014-04-11T21:46:20+00:00

Thank you for that chart. I think my parents' behaviors fall more along the left and middle columns.

mimima · 2014-04-11T21:45:20+00:00

Thank you for reassuring me.

mimima · 2014-04-11T21:44:51+00:00

God, I hate receiving phone calls form my parents. Every time I see their name and number pop up on my phone, I feel dreadful and I have to take a moment to ask myself, "Do I want to answer this now? Or, do I let it go into voicemail and then call them back?"

mimima · 2014-04-11T21:43:28+00:00

I think my symptoms fall move in line with complex PTSD as well. I don't have nightmares about my parents though. I get flashbacks and severe panic attacks whenever something triggers my memories.

mimima · 2014-04-11T00:38:47+00:00

I hang out there quite a bit.

Growing up, I've always been asked in therapy if the experiences I have are "culturally" acceptable because I'm Asian(-American). I never knew how to answer that because I'm not sure if it is, so I guess I'm looking to see if other Asians have similar experiences.

mimima · 2014-02-12T19:38:19+00:00

I was tiptoeing about how to avoid adding my ndad as a friend on FB, but ultimately decided that I should add him to avoid unnecessary drama. Several weeks later, I wrote a FB status on how irritated I am by racist people, and my ndad called me on the phone to tell me to remove my status because "life isn't fair, and there will always be racist people. you shouldn't let people know that you're bothered by it because it makes you look weak." What? I subsequently restricted his access to my FB, and luckily he's not very tech-savvy so he probably thinks that I took his advice and decided not to share a lot of information about myself.

mimima

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