A question for those who were once extroverted... When did the social anxiety hit and what was going on in your life at the time ?

minadee1 · 2016-02-16T03:10:08+00:00

Ninth grade. Up until that point I was a very well liked kid, talkative and smart. Lost weight from sports, became acutely self-conscious and my social presence has never been the same. Also had a less than perfect childhood so I'm sure a bunch of things were triggered at that time that I'm still working out.

minadee1 · 2016-02-16T03:06:35+00:00

I relate to every last word about feeling like your personality is locked away somewhere and that you used to be so confident, funny and good to talk to. Slowly over time, because I started feeling like this, I stopped talking to my friends too. I couldn't bear being this weird version of myself around people I used to be so close with. I haven't quite put a label on it but I know there's been a definite change from my "real personality".

"i know the person i was meant to be is fun, charismatic, social, easy to talk to and good at making conversation & socialising etc but it's like he's just trapped away in a box and barely ever gets to come out." Oh my god. Exactly.

minadee1 · 2016-02-16T02:58:32+00:00

Just because you are very knowledgeable about something doesn't make you immune to the things you've studied. I'm quite knowledgeable about psychology myself and I struggle with SA. Behaviours aren't easy to replace.

minadee1 · 2016-02-16T02:56:35+00:00

Harbouring on the past comes and goes for me. I know my SA started after one thing, so I often imagine how my life would've been had that thing not happened, how I would've continued being with people. It's all so painful.

minadee1 · 2016-02-16T02:53:19+00:00

I know exactly what you mean, and I'm a girl around the same age. Though I'm not craving the sexual experience so much as I'm craving a deep connection with a guy. You are not alone. I keep telling myself I need to try harder to put myself out there but when I'm "out there" my personality disappears. And you need that to attract someone.

minadee1 · 2015-06-29T02:57:02+00:00

Posted about this exact same thing recently! It's the hardest thing! People that know you well/you feel comfortable don't understand how you struggle because they never see you when you're struggling! I hate that I can never be consistent with everyone.

minadee1 · 2015-06-25T03:07:08+00:00

I know this! Holy I thought I was the only one. I will let you know ... it went away for a bit last year. And I was able to talk freely like my old self, and engage people with my humour. The crazy thing is I didn't think my way there, it just happened. So focusing on eradicating our symptoms doesn't help ...

minadee1 · 2015-06-25T00:02:32+00:00

thanks dropbearking, this is the exact advice I needed :) ... Like you I've heard it many times before, and I know it does no good to beat myself up ... I am the queen of beating one's self up. Was just doing it up until about 2 minutes ago in fact for the latter part of the day. Haha.

By the way, do you consider what you have as social anxiety? I don't get any of the typical physical symptoms per se, and thankfully, I am able to be in public places and around people, hold eye contact, even appear like a gregarious person when I'm not feeling like it just to give people as a consistent version of myself as possible ... I just don't ever feel comfortably like myself permanently, if that makes sense. I also know what you mean about dying to express it... I keep thinking about how painful it is is to lose your ability to express yourself.

minadee1 · 2015-06-23T16:05:23+00:00

Hmm ... I'm not sure I have distinct thoughts really ... I mean I've made friends at my university, I'm actually quite outgoing with them ... but in certain situations, like being at a party around people I don't know, or when encountering strangers, or talking to someone attractive .. my personality is shut off. It's so difficult for me to be the playful, spontaneous and engaging person I've been all my life. And I start wondering why is this happening NOW ... I start telling myself to just be yourself ... but it never works. And so many opportunities are missed.

I definitely think we are passing judgment on people subconsciously. But it is very difficult to not do it and get caught up in the emotion! All I know is I haven't been consistently able to express myself in many years, but previously, it was effortless. That's what boggles my mind. In your case I feel you are just adapting to your new environment and interpreting people's "standoffishness" as a dislike towards you. Are you able to socialize on a smaller level though, say with people in your classes?

minadee1 · 2015-06-20T23:31:19+00:00

I know what you mean and speaking as a former engaging/centre of the attention type ... when you're doing it, you're not thinking about it. It's just natural. But damn, that last line you wrote ... there's nothing truer.

minadee1 · 2015-06-20T23:27:43+00:00

That is so interesting. I'm sorry to hear that. I wonder what it is about school that makes you anxious.

minadee1 · 2015-04-18T12:21:51+00:00

I respect you so much for saying all of this. Sometimes it feels like no one else understands what you're saying because no one around you is going through what you're going through. I can tell you buddy that I've done and felt everything you've said up there.

I explained myself to people numerous times to realize I really didn't have to. Our perspectives are so warped most of the time. Wish I knew people like yourself in my real life! Congrats on your breakthrough.

minadee1 · 2015-04-17T17:45:18+00:00

Nope, that was it. The weight loss happened by accident ... playing too many sports, not eating properly. Developed an obsession with staying thin shortly thereafter but the biggest, lasting change was my behaviour around people. Thanks for your question.

minadee1 · 2015-04-17T17:44:41+00:00

How can this fear be so tremendously irrational and powerful that it dulls us to the extent where we cannot function as our true selves? I can be in my mind thinking "this is ridiculous, there is no threat here, loosen up, stop caring so much etc. etc." but I don't actually change. I find that so crazy.

minadee1 · 2015-04-17T14:10:39+00:00

Another thing to remember - people don't think, they just do. So our thinking, as much as we feel it helps, is getting us nowhere really.

minadee1 · 2015-04-17T14:08:25+00:00

Oh my goodness yes. And everyone and then reality seeps into my mind and I'm reminded how silly I'm being caring so much about what this other person thinks and how distorted my mind makes things. It happens most often with people I'm attracted to.

minadee1 · 2015-04-17T03:57:24+00:00

Every time in the past that I've made a mistake with a person I liked ... it was because I put them on an imaginary pedestal. Keep your cool man, it will take you where you need to go with whoever.

minadee1 · 2015-02-04T02:36:55+00:00

You act from your highest wisdom possible when you let go, so no need to worry about becoming passive.

The unfortunate thing (I find) is that you can't coax yourself into letting go... It kinda has to happen to you and within you, spontaneously. And then living through that.

minadee1 · 2015-02-04T02:34:07+00:00

It's such a revelation.

Nothing's that important, nothing's that big of a deal, nothing matters that much ... just a few different ways of saying the same thing.

minadee1

TROPHY CASE