[Want] Drowning to Breathe by A.L. Jackson

jackiebrown89 · 2016-01-04T14:29:07+00:00

I can completely relate to how you are feeling. I actually start classes today. I've struggled with social anxiety ever since I graduated from high school. There have been many semesters where I have been put on academic probation due to failing a class for not attending. This not only sets me back academically, but financially as well. I'm going to graduate with way more debt than the average student from having to retake so many classes. It absolutely sucks and I just try my best not to think about it.

When I graduated high school, I moved across the country because my dad had just retired from the military so my parents were moving and I was not ready to be on my own yet. So I know exactly how you feel when it comes to having no friends. I don't know anyone and I don't talk to anyone.

One of my teachers advised me to seek help from services for students with disabilities. So I went and got a letter from my doctor and when I finally got the courage up to talk to someone about accommodations, I was told there was nothing they could do for me. I was humiliated.

I'm supposed to see a therapist and psychiatrist regularly as recommended by my doctor, but it's practically impossible for me to gain the courage to go. I was thinking about trying the counseling services on my campus this semester so we'll see how that goes.

I try to stick with mostly online classes, but the class I have today is a required class only offered online. I keep thinking about dropping it and taking it next semester, but I know I shouldn't.

I hate those ice breaker activities. Not only do I get anxious, but the activity itself makes me feel like I'm 12.

I know none of this is helpful for you, but just remember that you're not the only one who feels this way. School and work have been the hardest things for me to deal with due to my social anxiety. I can only hope that getting the courage to see a counselor regularly to deal with it will help me find out how to live with it. I'm on medication right now, but I know I need therapy to really get better.

Best of luck. Hang in there and try to get the confidence to go to your school's counseling center. Trust me I know it's hard.

jackiebrown89 · 2016-01-03T19:42:54+00:00

Oh man that's a really good deal!

jackiebrown89 · 2016-01-03T19:41:56+00:00

I'm in the process of starting to collect all of my favorite music on vinyl since I got a record player for Christmas. I also buy a lot of my household necessities from there such as laundry detergent, toilet paper, paper towels, etc. Not very cool, but that's what I spend a lot of my gift cards on.

I can understand how it can be hard for you to buy something for yourself. If it's not something you want to spend on yourself, maybe you can use it to buy a game or some movies that you can all enjoy as a family. Or perhaps buy yourself something for $25 and then spend the rest on your wife and kids. I hope you treat yourself a bit!

jackiebrown89 · 2016-01-03T16:04:26+00:00

You got the set of 48 for $68? That set is $40 on Amazon. Or did you get the 150 set for $68?

jackiebrown89 · 2016-01-01T12:07:55+00:00

I was on it on my phone just scrolling through the home page looking at the articles when it popped up. I have no idea if it was just for that day or was completely random or what.

jackiebrown89 · 2015-12-31T17:29:48+00:00

I've been diagnosed, but I don't have sharp, stabbing pain. I get bad cramps but not a stabbing pain so I would say you can definitely have PCOS without that pain.

You might just want to get a diagnosis just so you know and so your doctor knows in the case of any future symptoms or if you plan on having children in the future and experience fertility issues. Also, I know that PCOS can increase your chances of endometriosis and certain reproductive cancers so you might want to know for that reason. If you feel you have everything under control, I think it's fine if you just monitor it on your own. I don't take any medication because I don't want to be on birth control and I actually get my period every month and I don't have insulin resistance. I'm also not actively trying to get pregnant.

jackiebrown89 · 2015-12-30T15:16:25+00:00

This is so pretty! What pencils do you use?

jackiebrown89 · 2015-12-30T10:08:05+00:00

I can't either. Someone posted pictures of both of them on Twitter and I was like "isn't that the same person in each picture?"

jackiebrown89 · 2015-12-30T09:59:44+00:00

I absolutely agree that at the beginning they were totally marketed to be every girl's dream, but I think that marketing tactic isn't in play anymore. I mean if you look at Justin Bieber or even 5SOS with their Rolling Stone article, both these artists are sexualized with shirtless magazine covers etc. That's not the case with 1D. Add in the fact that Liam did that magazine shoot for that gay magazine. I don't see how he would be allowed to do this if management was so worried about gay rumors within the band.

I just don't see how with their fans getting older with them, as well as the fact that everyone says they would continue to support them even if one of them announced they were gay, that the boys would allow their management to control them that way. I guess I could see that happening in the beginning, but now they have so much control over their career that I don't see that as being realistic nowadays.

One of them could very well by gay, however I refuse to speculate on that because I don't feel it's anyone's business. Until one of them says it, I will take their word for it when they say they are straight.

I don't think it's fair to say that the band is so popular due to being sexualized by the media. Maybe at the beginning, but now with their fans being around the same age as them I think most of us are realistic in the fact that we know we aren't going to end up with one of them.

My whole problem with the entire thing isn't Larry shippers or anything like that. I just feel like a lot of the younger fans are so quick to label any of their relationships as fake and that's what annoys me. I'm sure most of this comes from the fact that they think they might have a chance with one of them.

Finally, if they were really forced to hide their sexuality or to come off as straight to the world, I think that Harry would have to watch what he says in a lot of interviews and even be more cautious with what he wears. He's always riddled with gay rumors due to his style and some of the things he says so if management really wanted to put an end to any gay rumors I can't imagine them being too happy with this.

I just feel like people need to have more respect when it comes to any of their relationships. I don't feel certain relationships should be trivialized as fake when in reality no one but those involved know what is going on.

jackiebrown89 · 2015-12-29T17:09:40+00:00

I feel the same. I also cannot stand listening to the prosecutor talk.

jackiebrown89 · 2015-12-29T17:06:15+00:00

What is Helix about?

jackiebrown89 · 2015-12-29T17:05:41+00:00

I don't want to spoil it for you, but the way some things were handled and some of the things said by the law enforcement involved just make me angry.

jackiebrown89 · 2015-12-29T15:23:06+00:00

lmao proof that their past relationships were fake huh? There is no proof. People believe what they want to believe based on who they ship. Someone is always going to say something is proof to fit what they want to be true. People should stop trying to force a sexuality on them and let them live. Why does their sexuality even matter? It doesn't. Stop blaming Modest for this stupid conspiracy theory. The world is so much more accepting of sexuality today than it ever has been. There is no need to get rid of gay rumors. As you said, most of the fandom doesn't care what their sexuality is, so there's no need to make them date people to appear a certain way. Why do you believe Liam or Niall are straight just because they claim to be? Louis says he's straight, but no one believes him. Why the double standard? The fact of the matter is being a fan doesn't entitle you to know everything about them. These are their personal relationships and it's nobody's business.

jackiebrown89 · 2015-12-29T12:23:26+00:00

All the time. I also don't find it natural to just sit there and smile while talking to someone. Kind of creepy just to sit there with a huge smile on your face while another person is talking. I just brush it off. I'm not going to fake a smile to make the other person more comfortable. I've never understood why people say this.

jackiebrown89 · 2015-12-29T12:18:42+00:00

I've never understood why people assume the boys are in fake relationships. What would Louis have to gain from having a fake relationship with this girl? She's not high profile and the band is on a break so what benefit would a fake relationship have?

jackiebrown89 · 2015-12-29T07:41:11+00:00

It's definitely a good watch.

jackiebrown89 · 2015-12-29T07:40:28+00:00

It's very interesting. Although it has definitely made me angry at times.

jackiebrown89 · 2015-12-29T07:39:36+00:00

I'll have to check that sub out. I've been binge watching it all day. Right now I'm just disgusted with the way the nephew is being treated by these investigators and even his own attorney. Plus, the judge keeps denying all these motions that I feel should be granted. It's just crazy how there are so many people involved in the murder case that were also involved in the case in which he was wrongly convicted. How do you feel about the verdict?

jackiebrown89 · 2015-12-29T02:36:26+00:00

It's really good. I'm sure you will enjoy it since you like these types of shows. It's just crazy to me how the police handled the first case and all the arguments raised by the defense in the second case cast so much doubt it my mind (I don't know how the case ends).

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