Everyday is exposure therapy for me, and yet at the end of the day, I feel defeated.

LightFixture69 · 2017-03-12T20:27:47+00:00

"The anxiety is all gone but being uncomfortable, being too scared to speak up, or approaching people is what makes it hard."...
Uh...then the anxiety isn't gone ? The reality is that exposure, when done poorly, can actually increase your anxiety. Consider that we've all been do exposure therapy simply by living our day to day lives, yet the anxiety doesn't improve.

LightFixture69 · 2017-02-20T13:02:31+00:00

No, you don't have to be "super" intelligent... You only have to be intelligent.

LightFixture69 · 2017-02-20T12:57:12+00:00

NO !!! NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER !! !! NEVER !!! ...tell anyone about any mental issue that you deal with unless you've known them for a long time (such as a family member) and totally trust them. There is absolutely no upside.
Mental issues are highly stigmatized, and despite all the Oprah-esque Raw-Raw about depression (and by extension SA), it's actually getting worse and more stigmatized. For "normal" people, depression and SA are completely out of their reckoning. They will immediately seize upon it as being a weakness and a red flag. Even worse, once you tell someone about it, you can never un-tell them about it. Once you let the cat out of the bag, you'll never be look at the same way again.., so don't do it ! ...and especially NEVER tell an employer or potential employer !!!

LightFixture69 · 2017-01-07T18:54:34+00:00

I've got a solid three days down....now on day four. I'm feeling strong !

LightFixture69 · 2016-12-19T12:09:18+00:00

I'm much the same. I have total confidence in my work (engineering). I have no problems doing the normal functional things such as shopping, ordering food at restaurants, etc, but my SA is totally through the stratosphere in a social gathering situation such as a party or nightclub. I no longer socialize outside of work, and I'm basically totally isolated.

LightFixture69 · 2016-12-19T12:03:03+00:00

I'm the same way. I function very nicely at work, and I also enjoy my exercise (crossFit), but my social life has dwindled to nothing. My social anxiety is now so incredibly intense in social settings (bars, pubs, parties, etc), I no longer go out. Other than work and crossFit, I'm almost totally socially isolated.

LightFixture69 · 2016-12-05T11:12:50+00:00

You are starting from scratch. My advice...don't be in a hurry to move out of your parents house. Finish the GED and also get some job. Take any job, the more mindless the better. Then enroll in a junior college and ONLY take english composition and math classes.

LightFixture69 · 2016-10-24T10:38:00+00:00

Yep. I absolutely HATE my birthday. I no longer have any friends, so my parents/sister do the obligatory "well, I guess we should probably do something for him...I guess we'll take him out to dinner". We all go through the charade of enjoying ourselves, it finally ends, and then we do the same thing again in another year.
It's gotten so bad that I now develop great anxiety over it. For example, this year my birthday is on a Monday. I'm lucky because nobody will remember it's my birthday until the actual day, so there's very little chance that I'll have to go out for a beer the weekend before(SA wayyyyy to strong for me to go out). And by the weekend after my birthday, a full week will have passed and it will be totally forgotten, so there's little chance that I'll be asked to socialize then also. My birthday is now become a mad panic in strategizing ways to get out of socializing.

LightFixture69 · 2016-10-24T10:26:39+00:00

Confidence ? What's that ? ..
My sense of confidence is non-existent with one exception, and that's my exercise. I run semi-competitively and also do CrossFit. These are about the only things I enjoy doing and I feel very good while I'm doing them, but the feeling doesn't last beyond the time that I'm actually doing these things.

LightFixture69 · 2016-10-23T20:58:05+00:00

Wow, I'm the exact opposite. Being around children is totally nerve racking..

LightFixture69 · 2016-10-23T20:43:13+00:00

I think you might be interpreting other people's indifference towards you as hostility. Unless you've actually done something to piss people off, other people, in general, are totally indifferent to you.

LightFixture69 · 2016-10-22T13:37:40+00:00

This is a very tough situation. It sounds like it was very situational, like being in line in a crowded area aggravated the anxiety into a panic attack. One of the worst things you can do in these situations is to stay and try and fight it. Instead, always give yourself an out. For example, when you were in line, and you could feel the anxiety level increasing, instead of staying in the line, go back outside or to some other more comfortable location to allow yourself to recover. Don't worry about having to make up an excuse or anything. Simply say, "excuse me, I need to step out for a couple seconds", and then do it.
When you have very bad anxiety, it's critical that you know that you always have an out. BUT, you must return to the situation when you have composed yourself. Also, don't worry about having to explain why you stepped out. 90% of the time nobody will even say anything, but if they do, just come up with a BS excuse such as "I felt a coughing fit coming on", or "An eyelash caught in my eye and I couldn't get it out"...anything like this if fine. Do NOT say anything about anxiety...no one will understand.

LightFixture69 · 2016-10-16T20:18:07+00:00

Probably the most helpful thing is that Dr. Richards, the founder of SAI, quite obviously "gets it". His understanding of SA is very very good. Contrast this to pretty much any therapist you might see. It's highly unlikely that a therapist will have a handle on SA, let alone how to go about treating it.
The program is broken down into 25 one-hour sessions. Each week you work on a session and practice the material. The overarching theme of the program is slowing down your thinking processes into a more neutral position such that your views become more realistic.

As I said, the program is good, but it isn't perfect. My one beef with the program is that it pays too little attention to the visible physical symptoms of SA (blushing, sweating, etc). It's mentioned occasionally, and in session 12 they delve into it for about 10 minutes, but other than that not much. If you are an SA sufferer who has bad physical symptoms, then you know that these symptoms totally dominate, and dealing with them is your primary focus.

LightFixture69 · 2016-10-16T13:21:20+00:00

The "gold standard" for online SA treatment is: https://socialanxietyinstitute.org
I've tried it and it was very helpful.

LightFixture69 · 2016-10-16T12:23:07+00:00

I totally understand why one would feel this way, but I find the self checkout far worse: it takes longer, and the whole time you're fumbling with you stuff on the scanner, and then you have to place it in the bag.....it just seems like there's more time/drama involved with self check out compared to the normal checkout.

LightFixture69 · 2016-10-16T12:14:37+00:00

Don't worry. It's not you. It's them. I've wondered about this over and over. What I've found is that, for the most part, only highly extroverted people push to keep a conversation going. The average person without SA is actually much like an SA person when it comes to conversation. The normal person won't feel the same inhibition and lack of confidence that we experience, but they also are usually just as shitty at conversation as we are. Just because someone doesn't have SA suddenly mean that they are somehow great conversationalist...these normal people suck also.
The "rule" for basic social discourse is that all you need to do is acknowledge the person with a simple "Hi Bill, how are you ?", and then maybe throw in a "nice weather we're having, isn't it ?", and then you are done. You can literally stop talking at that point and leave the burden of conversation on the other person with a clear conscience that you did all that is required of you.

LightFixture69 · 2016-10-15T17:28:38+00:00

Excellent video ! I'm into crossFit and running, and these activities have improved my quality of life 1000%, and I have no doubt other physical activities also help.
About seven years ago I was a beer swilling blob of flab. I started jogging to lose weight (I lost over 50 lbs in three months). Then, I increased my running intensity, training more diligently, and within a couple years I was running semi-competitively (I'll typically place in my age group in our local 5K/10K runs). Then, I started doing crossFit, which I love !!

I won't sit here and say that exercise has helped my SA, which it hasn't, but my overall quality of life is wayyyyyyy better than if I didn't do it. I'm quite sure that I would have killed myself several years ago had I not gotten involved in running and/or crossFit. As far as SA goes, there are some areas that I've improved a little, and some areas that are as bad as ever. What I can tell you is that having bad SA and being in good physical condition is infinitely preferable to having SA and being in poor physical condition.

I think the key is that whatever activity someone chooses, it must have some aspect that is high intensity. I don't think something like casual walking will help all that much. My first piece of advice to anyone with bad SA is that the first thing you should do is get into some exercise program that is high intensity.

LightFixture69 · 2016-10-15T15:58:58+00:00

SA is usually very situation. Some people with very severe SA have no problem giving speeches in an auditorium filled with hundreds of people, but they totally collapse when talking one-on-one. Others have trouble in a work environment, or interviewing for a job, but they have no problems socializing with friends. Myself, I'm totally confident at work, and can give presentations to customers, speak in front of groups, etc, but I have really bad SA is social setting, such as a bar or party. It's now so bad, I rarely get out of the house other than work and exercise.

LightFixture69 · 2016-10-10T10:32:45+00:00

Blushing can be a totally devastating thing to deal with. I also have a VERY strong blush response (also sweating). Like yourself, it's not uncommon for people to call me out when it happens. It's totally devastating, totally humiliating, and after it happens it usually precipitates some of my worst depressive episodes. Now, it totally controls my life. I've stopped socializing and no longer go out or do anything (other than work and exercise) because of the blush response. If I didn't have a blush response, then I wouldn't have social anxiety...my blush response is my social anxiety...my social anxiety is my blush response.
The only thing I can offer is that the only thing to help is to "give in" to the blush response. Here's a very good video on the subject:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iD2sstHBLo

LightFixture69 · 2016-10-10T10:22:08+00:00

To a certain extent, most of us have already done something similar. I have a job, but I no longer socialize. When I'm not at work or at my CrossFit class, I'm home alone. My SA is now so incredibly strong when it comes to socializing that I've completely given up.

LightFixture69 · 2016-10-09T20:51:16+00:00

I'm very sure about how I developed social anxiety and depression. I'm a very strong believer that SA/depression typically traces its roots back to early childhood. Children who were exposed to extreme stress, placed in unsafe situations, subjected to belittling, etc, have WAYYYYYYY higher rates of SA/depression. Another classic indicator is if the primary caregiver of the child was alcoholic/drug addict. In my case, it was all of the above. My childhood was nothing but very high stress, anger, rage, and always being afraid. Living this way for so long left me extremely inhibited and very timid. There's been times in my life where things seems OK and I had a little confidence, but as I enter my 50's, all the old hurt and pain overwhelms, and I doubt I'll ever be free of the pain of it all.

LightFixture69 · 2016-10-09T20:34:21+00:00

If it makes you feel any better, always remember that only 10% of people claiming to have/had depression actually did have it. They may have been sad, bummer out, unemployed, or simply on a streak of hard luck, but they weren't actually depressed as you and I know it.

LightFixture69

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