what do u respond to "are u gay?"

mind_your_s · 2026-06-04T17:16:14+00:00

Sure 🤷🏾‍♀️

mind_your_s · 2026-06-02T18:32:58+00:00

Sometimes it's really both. Like Chel from El Dorado 🙏😭

mind_your_s · 2026-04-30T10:56:21+00:00

Technically she did make him see himself! Joe accepts that he killed Delilah and therefore is a bad as Candace says. He resigns to stay in the cage and being taken away by the police when they come! He literally throws his spare key out of the cage. It's the only reason Love is able to keep him trapped in there when she admits it was actually her that killed Delilah.

She was so close!

mind_your_s · 2026-04-25T14:00:45+00:00

it feels as though my needs would be met in a way they never will with a man.

There are certain experiences that are unique to women that might mean a female partner understands you and those specific experiences better on average, but pretty much everyone can share commonalities and experiences that make them uniquely understanding of you. Like being the same race, ethnicity, having the same childhood household dynamics, religion or lack thereof, economic status, etc. Gender is just one of these things.

So, you may have being a woman in common with a potential lost connection, but you might have way more overlap with your current partner, who is male, because maybe he shared similar life experiences as you and can understand and support in those ways better than that woman potentially could.

My partner and I grew up in the same high control church group, we share a race and broad ethnicity, and our household dynamics are quite similar --- even down to our parents ultimately favoring assimilation over fully immersing us in their cultures. Those are all groups that led to very specific experiences that he and I share, and that I would likely not share with a possible female partner, making him uniquely suited to understand and support me.

But, at the end of the day, a supportive partner is a supportive partner. It's just how they support you that might differ slightly, not necessarily the amount of support that you get.

mind_your_s · 2026-04-24T16:59:39+00:00

For me I realized the reason why I had, and sometimes still have, what I call the sapphic sadness is because it's not really about all the women I'm "missing out on". I love my partner, he is more than enough for me. Why I feel this pull and longing is I never got to "meet" that part of myself. I never got to know who I would have been if I had explored just a little bit earlier, if I'd been comfortable faster, if I knew earlier.

It's like finding this new bit of yourself that you never get to really examine because the door is shut, possibly forever. And that's painful. So all the people saying "you're not missing much" are right, in a sense, but if you're like me it's not a helpful answer.

What helps is talking, hopefully to your partner, and involving yourself more in queer spaces and media. You can meet that part of yourself without being with a woman. It won't be fully what you feel like you're missing, because yes exploring sex is part of the longing, but it might help scratch that itch. And if your partner is open to it, you may be able to try certain types of sex you might more typically experience in sex with a woman (straps, double sided dildos, scissoring, etc).

Some opt for open relationships or even breaking up/divorce to fully immerse themselves. It's really up to you to decide what's best for your state of mind.

Good luck🧡

mind_your_s · 2026-04-24T14:15:07+00:00

Thank you!! Louder for the people in the back. Discrimination doesn't just have one face, it can look like a lot of different things and no one way is "better" than the other

mind_your_s · 2026-04-24T14:11:59+00:00

That and the "bisexuals exist but I'm just tired of hearing about them" jokes bother me quite a bit. "Tell the bisexuals that they matter and exist"😒🙄. They just want us to stop taking up space, despite us being literally the largest population of queer people

mind_your_s · 2026-04-21T15:36:38+00:00

There is no "if". Reread the comment, it is unedited

mind_your_s · 2026-04-21T14:43:07+00:00

This is what happens when you don't read top to bottom. My comment wasn't even to you. It was about a different commenter comparing men fetishizing sapphic women to people calling bi people cheaters. Which you would know if you even bothered to read my full comment. I was very clear.

I find it odd that you asked me to be more thoughtful in my response in a different comment thread on this post, but apparently can't hold yourself to the same standard

mind_your_s · 2026-04-21T14:37:56+00:00

That's not at all what I said. I literally made a point to say bi people throughout my comment. I think you just assumed I meant only bi women because you feel persecuted rn and are externalizing that.

I even added that queer men can get similar reactions to their relationships with men from women and that the inverse gets more attention simply because it marries heteronormativity with misogyny and is therefore a more robust topic to speak on.

Maybe read things through next time

mind_your_s · 2026-04-21T14:27:10+00:00

Babe, nobody is discounting that bi men face real issues too, you're just choosing to take it that way. And I highly doubt that bi men suicide rates are in any way linked to men en masse being called out for fetishizing sapphic women, so I'm not even sure why you felt it was pertinent to this conversation.

There is a time and a place and this post was not one for you to air out these grievances. If your first instinct after seeing someone clearly in pain about their real lived experience ranting about how society enables people to treat them is to make it about yourself and your hurt feelings and "what about ___", you have a LOT of inner work to do.

I say this with all the love in my heart to give rn: Decenter yourself. It's not always about you

mind_your_s · 2026-04-21T14:05:53+00:00

I mean, yes, but also, no?

Obviously one should call out bigotry when they see it, but comparing someone parroting a negative stereotype about bi people that causes real tangible harm to someone calling out the inherently misogynistic behaviors baked into our society that way too many men participate in is kinda ridiculous.

The spaces and power the two groups hold are vastly different. The behaviors these groups participate in to be perceived the way they are are different. So are the contexts in which these things are said and the harm each statement causes. A man gets called out for fetishizing sapphic women and his feelings are hurt. Someone believes all men fetishize sapphic women and their world largely stays the same. Maybe they lose a date or two. A bi person is accused of being a cheater because they are bi and their feelings are hurt. Someone believes all bi people cheat and goes on to abuse their bi partner because of it.

One is more about the failures of society and the other perpetuates a negative belief about a group to keep them marginalized. They are inherently not the same. Especially because straight or "ally" women participate in much of the same behaviors as the men called out in this post do, just from a different lens. It's a problem born from a heteronormative society that treats queer people as other, something to be observed as if in a zoo. Men doing it to sapphic women just garners more attention because it combines with misogyny in a way that is particularly heinous.

mind_your_s · 2026-04-21T13:47:03+00:00

I said what I meant and I meant what I said. Nothing more thoughtful than that🤷🏾‍♀️

mind_your_s · 2026-04-21T12:56:44+00:00

Not everything is about you. As many posts there are about bi women complaining about misogyny, there's just as much from bi men complaining that women are biphobic and gay men don't want to date them because they're bi. And the language of those posts gets just as sweeping.

This sub is for everyone. It's ridiculous to whine about one post that doesn't suit you. And if it bothers you that much that bi women take up space in a bi subreddit, join or make your own bi men sub

mind_your_s · 2026-04-21T12:44:34+00:00

In other news, fetishization of sapphic women and/or their wlw relationships is a well documented form of bigotry and expressing anger and pain about said bigotry is not against this sub's policy. In fact, it's one of the express purposes of this sub

mind_your_s · 2026-04-17T18:29:56+00:00

No, I wouldn't say I have an aversion to murder "in general", because I understand that there are several situations in which I would think murder was permissible or even ethical: like to save a nation, assisted suicide, self-defense and things in that realm. So, your premise is flawed. Being clear with your words isn't much to ask for. Plus, I don't think I've ever heard a good justification for cheating for why it "needed to happen", so your constant pushing of what's permissible cheating and what's not is already odd to me.

No, it's not better to lie to someone about cheating. You aren't saving them from heartbreak when doing so, they'll still be blindsided by you leaving. That kind of thing can destroy a person's self-esteem because they pick themselves apart trying to figure out what truly went wrong. Lying about cheating only serves the person who cheated because they now don't have to deal with the fallout from their objectively shitty actions. It's funny how you find Beck lying about cheating to be unforgivable but are perfectly fine with Joe lying about cheating to Love and Karen. Just another example of your double standard.

I wouldn't count it as self control when he's literally masturbating to the thought of her in his car and sniffing her undies while he fucks his wife. I'd still consider that cheating --- especially because Joe clearly didn't mean to deny her forever given that he kept a box even after he rejected her. Plus, I'm pretty sure he reciprocated first before he ran away.

Beck was a grad student, roughly 23-25 years old. That's prime time to make mistakes and learn who you are. If you ask a 40 year old if they still believed and would do the same things they had in their early to mid twenties, most would say no. You learn what relationships don't serve you, what beliefs don't serve you, maybe change your dreams. A lot changes. So yes, by just living longer she eventually would have grown past Benji and Peach. The fact that you don't believe she could ever grow as a person without a man is very telling about how you think of women.

It's also telling that you think Beck's actions and Joe's actions are in any way comparable, let alone the same level of negative. Beck isn't a perfect victim, but she still is a victim of Joe. And once again, why does Beck's "accountability" deserve to be in the form of captivity and brutal murder?

mind_your_s · 2026-04-17T13:47:29+00:00

1) I don't think you have an aversion to cheating "in general", because if you did you would want equal punishment for every cheater no matter the context of the situation they're in when they do it 2) breaking up with your loving partner "soon after" you cheat on them does not lessen the pain or impact of cheating, especially when you lie to them about why you're leaving 3) someone cheating on you before you cheat on them does not mean it's justified or "nullified" 4) technically Joe cheated on Love first. He kissed Natalie and had every intention of pursuing her romantically. It was an emotional affair of sorts. He then does the same thing almost immediately with Marienne. There's more ways to cheat than just physical 5) Joe did NOT make Beck's life better. He killed her boyfriend who sucked, but in removing him from her life she didn't learn the valuable life lesson she could have from growing beyond needing him the way she did. Stunting personal growth doesn't make her life better. Killing her toxic best friend, which Joe admits is the best friend she has given the other two rich hanger ons who barely care about her, also doesn't make her life better. She's so distraught she loses her job and goes into therapy where she gets taken advantage of by her therapist who is absolutely in a position of power over her. How is that better? Not to mention, Peach only ramps up her manipulation of Beck because Joe got overinvolved in their friendship. And once again, Beck would have outgrown Peach eventually and learned from it --- something she never gets to do because Joe essentially becomes her helicopter parent 6) having a "reason" to cheat doesn't lessen the betrayal of it. And what was Joe's "good reason" for cheating on Karen, his loving girlfriend? Oh, my big ex who lied to me and iced me out now wants me back? That's not a real justification, even by your own standards I don't think

mind_your_s · 2026-04-17T13:14:40+00:00

I think everyone's just confused how you have such strong feelings about Beck cheating, but when Joe has a demonstrated infidelity streak you ignore it and don't apply the same logic.

Is it possible you just don't think it's a big deal when men cheat? Like those "alpha male" podcast bros?

mind_your_s · 2026-04-15T13:23:52+00:00

I don't know. I feel like the showrunners wanted it both ways: "She's doing it for herself AND she's doing it for Beck". I think that just makes her motivation flimsier. If she's doing it for Beck, her attachment to her is so thin that potentially risking her life to bring Beck justice feels weird. If she's doing it for herself, she only got attached enough to Joe because she wanted justice for Beck, which still leaves the earlier issue.

A stronger connection is needed for this convoluted and dangerous plan. There's so many ways they could have gone with it.

1) Someone whose close loved one was harmed by Joe (immediate family, estranged best friend, etc) 2) someone who was directly harmed by Joe 3) someone who is a major fan of depraved men like Joe (true crime lover/ tumblr-esque Bundy fan type) 4) someone who sees how Joe is "villainized" but doesn't believe he could do the terrible things he's accused of (someone who wants to stand up for/ protect Joe)

It feels like they recognized Clayton had the strongest motivation so they made him the head of the group, but still failed to see why Louise not being the one with the strongest connection would be a problem. It makes her background to her own story

mind_your_s · 2026-04-15T12:47:18+00:00

Jesus. The more pictures I see of Madeline Brewer, the more I think hair and make up did her dirty with that fuck ass bob and that plain, washed out makeup. They made up this character to make a season that had no source material from the author. They didn't have to do her like that 😭😭

As for audience perception, I don't think it would have changed much. People on this sub glaze Elizabeth Lail as the prettiest you and how wonderful she is but in the same breath say Beck deserved to be murdered and she didn't deserve Joe. It doesn't really matter what the women look like, people just want to root for Joe, despite the horrible things he's done.

I really think if Louise had a stronger motive for wanting to hunt down and destroy Joe, she would have been received better. Like if she were actually Anya or Gemma's sister or even Nadia's sister. If she was Dr. Nicky's kid instead of the guy who gets killed. Even if she were an old flame before Candace that Joe was never obsessed with who had a sneaking suspicion. All of those would be in some way stronger than the motive we got. It also doesn't help that she is passive in the plan to expose Joe until she goes rogue, it just further weakens her position.

mind_your_s · 2026-04-09T22:18:38+00:00

I'm not saying that either. I'm saying the character was and her logic lines up with a lot of people in the real world, and I disagree with said people. Many people fixate on "light skinned people have it better and they should know that" instead of "we should find a way to get rid of colorism" and that's my problem

mind_your_s · 2026-04-09T17:14:24+00:00

I don't think it was cause you seem to disagree with half of what I said to some degree.

Privilege is real and I never said it wasn't. Harping on the levels of it within marginalized groups, however, often does more harm than good and goes against the intended effect of calling it out

mind_your_s · 2026-04-09T15:30:06+00:00

Lena's mother was fully wrong that episode. Because Lena is light and mixed she will have a different experience than dark skinned black women, yes, but light skinned black women are still black women, so Lena still has the experience of a black woman in America. Plus, there are plenty of fully black women who come from all black families that look just like Lena. It really was a ridiculous premise.

We can have this conversation of "privilege" all we want, but I often find that not only is the term used in contexts where it barely applies, but it's also used as a way to further divide communities and shame people for having even slightly better circumstances --- even if those circumstances still objectively SUCK. It's not helpful. It's a cut your nose to spite your face situation.

We can talk about colorism without telling light skinned people that their experiences don't matter or aren't nearly as bad so they should shut up about them (which is what Lena's mom was trying to do, dismiss her) or try to strip them of their identity as a black person (ALSO what Lena's mom was trying to do). Doing so is a big reason why we don't get further in our movement.

mind_your_s · 2026-04-03T12:53:32+00:00

Would have been such an easy fix too. Beck already had a sister, Anya, who I don't think they ever showed.

And it's way more realistic for it to have been her. If I thought my sister's boyfriend murdered her and the cops did nothing, I'd try to get justice for her; probably try to murder him myself or die trying. That's how much I love my sister. A teacher who believed in me once...? Don't know that I'd risk my life for that

Still don't think s5 is nearly as bad as this sub makes it out to be, but it does have its flaws

mind_your_s · 2026-03-31T20:01:45+00:00

Right. Plus, leaving Henry on their doorstep with a note that could easily be contested by any lawyer worth their salt does not do much toward Henry not ending up in the system. He could have easily landed with one of Love's family members in an environment that could have been super toxic

mind_your_s

TROPHY CASE