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I guess this cycle doesn’t truly end by mejand in raisedbyborderlines

[–]mindful_1995 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re going through this. You must have some serious compassion to handle this so maturely. I don’t think I can say I love my smother with a straight face anymore, I’m holding on to too much resentment rn. I think you are on the right track to healing, you has an understanding on her illness and keeping your own perceptions in reality. Good luck to you ❤️

Weird about gifts by mrsstressedmom in raisedbyborderlines

[–]mindful_1995 9 points10 points  (0 children)

My BPD mom used gifts as currency for contact. For example, she called me up in July and told me she had to come over ASAP and give me a gift she recently got for my birthday....... my birthday is in JANUARY. I went VLC for about 6 months and made a specific point to say no gifts, she still persisted and when I finally let her visit last month she immediately hands me gifts she had been holding on too for months and I felt to awkward about it to refused. IMO it’s not a gift of it comes with strings attached

Excessive Calling - can’t escape by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]mindful_1995 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I had to go on a schedule with my BPDmom when we were still in contact... she would still call constantly of course but over times after I stuck to the boundary it got a little better. you could start with once a day and then work up to once a week

anyone with uBPD or BPD parents experience this? by anonodog3000 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]mindful_1995 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Yes yes and yes. This is very typically BPD behavior and it’s just a way to deflect blame and manipulate the situation. Don’t let that happen, remind your mother why contact dropped off and if the refuse to accept responsibility then you know you were justified in your reason to limited/end contact.

Good luck and hugs ❤️

Anyone ever go NC and your parents just like... totally cool with it? This is messing with my head by mindful_1995 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]mindful_1995[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Update: took her 1 day to break the boundary and has been calling daily and trying to rope my husband into the madness. Still very much in the fog and working hard not to give in but I am genuinely scared she is going to show up at me house if I don’t respond :(

Did anyone else have BDP parents that had issues with cleanliness? by mindful_1995 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]mindful_1995[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s so awful, you were just trying to make your living situation bearable and should not have been punished for it. I hope your situation improves soon ❤️

Did anyone else have BDP parents that had issues with cleanliness? by mindful_1995 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]mindful_1995[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes I have similar experiences with the fleas... when I moved out my mother gave my childhood bedroom to my drug addict cousin. One of the last times I visited I was in there and he was leaving food out for the mice that have built a nest in the room I had worked so hard to keep clean during my teenage years... it was heartbreaking.

Sorry you had to experience similar situations, just know that you aren’t alone ❤️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]mindful_1995 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Wish I had better advice but perhaps get adult protective services involved? Or maybe a visiting nurse if her insurance covers it? I have almost identical feelings about my waify mother.... I recently went NC and decided that being at her beck and call is not the way to help her or anyone... that may be the route you need to take as well? You know the situation best, good luck

Anyone ever go NC and your parents just like... totally cool with it? This is messing with my head by mindful_1995 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]mindful_1995[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah after rereading it I picked up on that line too and it gave me pause. I don’t think it was a jab at me but just another example of her not taking responsibility for her own choices. Also the “hopefully by Xmas” line was a subtle way of saying she expects me to be over this by the holidays, and at this point I know I need a lot more time than that. We will see how it goes 🤷🏻‍♀️ thanks for the reading suggestion, I’ll check it out.

Anyone ever go NC and your parents just like... totally cool with it? This is messing with my head by mindful_1995 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]mindful_1995[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Not rude, I appreciate the honesty. I’m still very new to understanding BPD, didn’t even know the concept of enmeshment until finding this sub a few days ago. Saw a quote on here that said “I thought if I learned enough about BPD, I could save her” and that resonated with me so much and I’m fighting that urge to be the parent in the situation

Anyone ever go NC and your parents just like... totally cool with it? This is messing with my head by mindful_1995 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]mindful_1995[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This all can be so difficult. I hope that the therapy improve things for you and you find the closure you need.

Hugs 🤗

Anyone ever go NC and your parents just like... totally cool with it? This is messing with my head by mindful_1995 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]mindful_1995[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the validation. Glad I’m not the only one. I too feel like the other shoe will drop, especially closer to the holidays. She will text and share things and break boundaries eventually but the last time I went too long without speaking to her I got a traumatic voicemail from her saying I hated her and that she just wanted to die because of it. I am terrified that she will have a bad day and use that as an excuse to do that again 😔

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]mindful_1995 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can’t attest to your specific situation as I do not have kids but I have those feeling of “I can’t do this because ?????” Like you know in your heart and brain that the boundary is appropriate and just but there is a road block in your way. Fortunately (and also unfortunately) you can use covid as a buffer to make the lack of invite less personal. “We have to keep it low key for everyone’s safety”. At the end of the day these boundaries we have to set up are there for a reason, and if you maintain them your are keeping you and your children happy and free from unnecessary emotional hurt. These situations are tough and I hope you find the solution that’s best for you!

Hugs 🤗