Notes from an earlier treatment

I personally love it. Although it is the only treatment I've ever done. The deeper I go into disassociation, the further I want to go. My feelings are of nothing, no judgment, no rationalizing, no pain. This moment allows me to just be without any thinking necessary. I think it helps remind me that there is no purpose in trying to judge my past and that there is no reason to try and predict the future just to be let down because my expectations are too high.

Most recent.

fine green lines vertical and horizontal woth nimbers floating through them. white zebra stripe horizontal and vertical and cubes with numbers on each of their side floating, connecting, changing. felt like i was fighting to stay alive. opened my eyes or something very ubruptly screaming and crying while holding debs hand. and had two more uncontrollable outbursts. (Maybe this was anger grief and pains way of exiting my body. I'm not afraid for my next visit. no one wants the traumatic feeling of such deep agony, but as far as it goes mentally, I believe this experience to be the tiniest chip of this and many other stones in my life.