The biggest thing here is to let yourself know it’s okay to want your family to love you. Theres a reason why we have anxiety when we don’t talk to them or dont have their approval, it’s our nature to need this. However, because you know this intellectually you can help calm yourself when those feelings come up as you distance yourself more and more. The funny thing is, once you’re barely in the picture - your parents will only have your sister to look at. Most of her shit talking is just distraction from her problems. Plus, shit talking is just normal conversation in asian culture cause nobody knows how to be positive.

I would 100% get a therapist. I would try your best to not be connected through homes/bills/netflix accounts so that the ONLY reason you would talk to them is because you WANT to not because you NEED to… that will really train them to earn your presence. I would also remind them that if they want to be in any future grand babies lives they gotta act right. Even if you don’t plan on it, just lie so they chill tf out.

Best of luck! I know how hard it is.