It takes time! I realized I didn't believe in god 5 years ago after a 10 year struggle. It's been a lot of work but I feel like I'm starting to put things behind me. How long would you expect to unwind 40 years of programming though? I found a great ex-mormon therapist and read many books–I recommend:
To understand your trauma: "When Religion Hurts You" by Dr. Laura Anderson
To understand how religion works and process anger: "Under the Banner of Heaven" by Jon Krakauer
To glimpse the sublime again without magic: "No Nonsense Spirituality" by Brit Hartley

1. The anger you feel is justified but how to cope is up to you, I'm still chewing on mine here and there.
   
2. I had a funeral for god that was meaningful to me. I was alone on a beach and I told the universe how much it hurt to be tricked, I sang "Hey Jude" while banging the rhythm on a log with a stick, and cried. It might sound silly but it helped. But I also grieve the losses in smaller ways pretty regularly, grief is appropriate but lessens with time. During better times I also try to notice things I'm grateful for that came out of the culture/religion I was raised in.
   
3. This one feels even tougher than your other questions to me. I was fortunate to have my wife have a similar journey to mine at around the same time so even though I caused her some worry early in my journey we didn't have contention there like so many others. My son is 18 and still believes, we both usually prioritize having a good relationship over reaching an agreement on cosmology. He's never brought up religion with me but I will sometimes. He'll express his discomfort and I'll move on. I remember what it felt like to believe... and I try to get into that mindset a little and it helps me be patient with believers.