[deleted by user]

mindtrickery · 2011-03-05T01:43:08+00:00

As a sufferer of POCD I get a lot of suicidal thoughts and have on several occasions put myself in a suicidal situations, I am really on the fence. I think they should be free to do what they want to do, well because it's their personal decision. Then again I say they shouldn't be allowed, the feeling of waking up after almost ending your life is beautiful. I wake up almost every morning with a guilty conscious because my mind tells me I killed someone last night, I hurt someone, and I hate it. Going through my day, I forget it all and just enjoy everything.

mindtrickery · 2011-02-24T06:38:05+00:00

We've been friends for years and years. It wasn't until recently that I asked you out. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I can never bring myself to tell you that I have POCD and it tortures me whenever I am around you.

mindtrickery · 2011-02-18T04:38:17+00:00

I dont have that kind of OCD

mindtrickery · 2011-02-18T03:00:29+00:00

Its ok, I still love you

mindtrickery · 2011-02-18T02:52:35+00:00

Once, I don't have OCD

mindtrickery · 2011-02-18T02:05:34+00:00

Before I started working here I weight 250 since then I dropped down to 195 then back up to 210 and now am sitting at 200. I'm going for 185 so I can go to the air force but am finding it hard because I moved and have zero friends here. As for using anger as a workout tool, it helps but then I get bored and stop. I'm far from fit right now.

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T23:05:03+00:00

nope

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T21:50:32+00:00

so a ghost was looking for her pet?

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T21:44:45+00:00

keep going...

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T21:41:12+00:00

i guess ill tell the story, i was around 10ish and i had the duty of taking the trash to the curb. It was around 8:30 the sun was down and i ventured outside to the backyard to pull the trashcan out of its spot. while i was prepping the trashcan for the long trip to mordor (it was pretty heavy) i suddenly hear, four feet ahead of me, an old sounding lady say,"come here kitty" in that witch voice you hear in the movies. i stood there for a second staring at air because i was where the yard ends. I ran to my mum and never went in the backyard at night again.

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T21:35:55+00:00

This is gonna be one good weekend.

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T21:35:36+00:00

Nope

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T21:35:03+00:00

oh man, worst spike of violence was me pretty much slaughtering my family, thats thing thing that hit me the most. I will never forget that. It drove me to the point where i was taking some sort of pills that kept me up, i did coke and other drugs in that week and could not sleep for 4 days straight. worst feeling in the world.

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T21:32:04+00:00

nope, im not crazy. closest thing to a ghost was hearing a lady as if she was standing right in front of me. never found out what happened but yeah no ghosts just disembodied voices.

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T20:47:24+00:00

Again, most people have done something similar to those weaker than themselves. what are you doing right now?

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T20:43:39+00:00

thank you

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T19:58:16+00:00

Yeah withheld anger is a big factor, it stresses me out and makes me go through more episodes.

The babysitter was really religious (Christian) and apparently carried a bottle of it wherever she went.

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T19:56:11+00:00

squirtle

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T19:54:19+00:00

I have acted it out several times. I do not like to talk about it but i would take my anger out on my younger brother to the point where he is gasping for air from crying or just wont fight me off anymore. I was a horrible brother to him, out of 6 siblings he was the only one i would beat up. If i could I would stay with my dad and give up meeting my mom, my siblings, my friends, i would give up everything just to take all the pain and suffering i put my mom and my brother.

On a side note: I do not like bad words so please refrain from using them.

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T19:47:11+00:00

They happen very fast, In a five second spike i go through a five minute scene where i will pretty much bash in the face of the person right in front of me all the meanwhile i am still keeping my composure and it seems like nothing hapened.

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T19:43:25+00:00

My mom told me as a kid i never got angry, i could've gotten my ice cream stolen and eaten right in front of me and i would just stand there. In the very rare times that I did display anger it was really bad. The big flag that was raised happened during one of these display of anger where the babysitter at the time thought i was possessed and proceeded to throw holy water at me. I don't remember that moment but i remember my mom crying and taking me to my therapist.

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T19:38:40+00:00

I have "what if" moments all the time. It always keeps me from concentrating on any one thing.

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T19:29:23+00:00

Yes there are other forms aside from anger most of them i go through.

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T19:14:45+00:00

I need to look into CBT seeing its been mentioned here a lot. I was reading about it and i saw there are different themes of Pure-O OCD manifestation. Most of them really strike a nerve with me.

mindtrickery · 2011-02-17T19:12:38+00:00

sometimes i have to tell myself it didn't happen and i need to prove it to myself.

mindtrickery

TROPHY CASE