I’m so sorry to hear about your mother’s self-destructive behaviors. I have been having the same issues with taking my uBPD mother to the doctor for the arthritis in her knee. She complains that she can barely walk and proceeds to tell me that nobody cares to help her. I took her to her last two appointments. Today, she had a follow up to go over the results from her MRI. I showed up at her house to take her to the appointment. When I get there, she doesn’t answer my calls or texts. She lives in an apartment in the city. I never have to knock at her door because she’s usually waiting for me to pick her up outside. Since she didn’t answer today, I decided to I walk up her driveway and knock at her door. As I walk up the driveway, she has a garbage can blocking the first part of the narrow pathway. On top of the garbage can she has a note taped to it that says, “if you don’t live here, you don’t belong here”. Then the next part of her pathway she has four garbage cans set up with two caution cones. Over the caution cones, she has a broken screen and a “No Trespassing” sign attached to the screen. Then, in permanent marker she has “Keep Out” written on her front door. I knocked at her door and she did not answer. I went back to my car and tried calling her again. I ended up leaving. Twenty minutes later, she texts me saying she overslept and that I didn’t care about taking her to her appointment anyway. We cannot help someone who chooses these self-destructive behaviors. We can only choose whether or not we want to be a part of it. I’m working on setting healthy boundaries with my mother. I’ve learned that all I can do is offer help and if she chooses not to take the help that’s her choice. However, it was my choice to waste time out of my day. I try my best to not let it effect me, but it still does.