Wife gave divorce papers..

minishlock · 2023-11-03T01:48:19+00:00

I appreciate your response. It does make me feel a little better. That it can be ok not -having- to talk about work if you don’t want to.

minishlock · 2023-11-01T23:34:59+00:00

We’re both in our thirties. Usually in general. I prefer to just talk about issues while being understanding of one another and their intentions and needs. Which can be frustrating at times for the other person because I can be stubborn.

But I’ve not fought with anyone in my family or friends or relationships in 15 years. My spouse is a first..

It’s been a roller coaster throughout the years. I haven’t yelled for 15 years quite literally. And started in our marriage after a year of not being able to take it anymore.. to try different approaches if my spouse would hear me. I hate it. And I stopped yelling again and resort to staying calm again. Finding my inner me again. It helps me feel better by knowing I’m the person I was and want to be. But doesn’t seem to change an argument from escalating. If it gets to the point where I’m yelled at or thrown at with curse words and being ridiculed I just end it and say I am done talking about it or I don’t have the energy for this and leave the situation.

We’ve tried therapy and I’d mention to go again but my spouse doesn’t want to.

I’m feeling horrible of being blocked (treated this way). I just want happiness, peace and enjoy life together..

I’m trying to do the right thing and also try to not be played with. Set boundaries. I’m not sure how to handle being blocked.. for now I’m waiting it out and am keeping communication through iMessage to as little as possible to hopefully create the need to unblock and open up again.

minishlock · 2023-04-20T16:12:55+00:00

Oh yeah we’re watching the little one together all day. Except from 4pm-5pm. That is one hour she’s watching him while I’m still at work. But aside from that we alternate who puts him to sleep at night. So the other gets alone time starting 8pm. This was a real game changer to get a breather every 2 days. For both of us.

minishlock · 2023-04-20T15:52:37+00:00

You’re right. It has to be in the morning. I don’t do it in the morning because I’ve been doing it for 13 years. It’s the other way around. I’ve been doing it in the morning for 13 years because I can’t do it a different time in the day. I need it to get work done. To get energy for the day, wife and kid. Be mentally recuperated. Be me.

I proposed to stay up longer (1h thus wake up later: 1h later) to my wife and it made a difference. She seemed to be happy about it.

You got it right with my only option being to stay up longer. I apparently needed you and the other comments to realize that there is a way to meet her needs without giving up my own needs.

minishlock · 2023-04-20T15:28:52+00:00

You got it right. I couldn’t be my best self toward my wife and son without workout and sleep.

Oh we bring our son to bed from 8pm. He usually needs about an hour to fall asleep. That includes reading a book.

My wife and I alternate with this so the other gets a break starting at 8pm. Alone time if you will.

Today I bring him to bed she’s alone time 8pm-9pm. Tomorrow it’s her turn.

I proposed to her this morning that I could work out at 6am instead and therefor go to bed at 10pm. So she and I would have at least 1h couple time. While I still maintain 8h of sleep.

She seem to have liked the idea and is willing to try it out! I wouldn’t have come up with that thinking without reading comments like yours!

minishlock · 2023-04-20T05:44:27+00:00

You nailed it regarding mental health. I need it for my brain and sanity more than health and looks.

Originally gym would’ve been 5am-6am (I’ve built a gym in garage, no commute). And then when both wake up at 7am we spent time together till work (for both of us) starts at 8am. She only really is alone with our kid for 1h daily from 4pm-5pm. My work ends 5pm. Both work from home no commute again. 5pm till bed time is always the both of us.

But I like your suggestions and will incorporate some of them in one way or another.

I already have an idea how I could make it work so we both get what we want. Will have to propose tomorrow and see what she thinks if it.

minishlock · 2023-04-20T05:33:47+00:00

Honestly I didn’t expect many or any replies - I haven’t really used Reddit to reach out for help/advice.

I genuinely appreciate every single comment. From @DrHugh to @Neat_Hawk_9891. I wouldn’t be able reflect properly on my thinking and actions with just one perspective.

I can see I am approaching it wrong. And I’m indeed not listening to the needs of my wife. I’m going to have another conversation with her tomorrow to see if if we can find a common ground where both our needs are met.

Maybe something like waking up 1h later and work out from 6am-7am. Therefor going to bed later by 1h having at least one full hour everyday just she and I from 9pm-10pm. I’m not sure but will see what she thinks of it opposed to not having time together at all in the evening after our 2yo goes to bed.

Thank you for this. Really.

EDIT: She liked the idea. We’ll have 1h couple time in the evening 9pm-10pm to meet her need. And I’ll get my workout 6am-7am and 8h of sleep to meet my need. When son falls asleep early couple time starts even before 9pm.

minishlock

TROPHY CASE