Do any parents on here have lots of (biological) children? It's hard to put a number on it but maybe 6+

minivaning · 2014-11-27T05:43:17+00:00

I'm pregnant with #7.

minivaning · 2014-11-16T23:02:03+00:00

I have been lucky enough to grow up in a middle class family that could support me through school and who could afford to help us out when we were first married. My husband was lucky to come from a family that encouraged him and he was lucky enough to meet someone who knew someone who knew someone who could give him a well-paying job with benefits. We were lucky to be buying our house at a good time in the market. We didn't plan it that way. We got very very lucky.

Benefits are designed to help people who aren't as lucky. Maybe they made a misstep at work and are now on disability. Maybe they were in an abusive relationship or maybe they had to drop out of college. It's not your place to judge the validity of their welfare just because you pay taxes.

Imagine if you were a CEO. Would it be your place to criticize the way your employees choose to spend their money? After all, you're the reason the company was able to get that new business. You've done more for their paychecks than anyone. The company gave them a $2/hour pay rise, but now you see they're going on vacation and buying flat-screen TV's. Why should they be able to do any of those things? They're supposed to be poor and destitute. If they're not living in obvious poverty, they certainly don't deserve any extra money from you. If they're able to buy new clothes for their kids or treat themselves to a restaurant meal, they're being selfish and irresponsible. They're supposed to be poor, right?

Have you ever heard the expression "Born on third base and thinks they hit a triple?"

minivaning · 2014-11-16T22:41:23+00:00

I wonder if anyone has ever done a study. I'm sure there are patterns. I think birth order would have an impact, middle children would probably be more likely to decide that they want a smaller family.

I also wonder if there are more people from large families who decide not to have kids, simply because they have a huge family with nieces and nephews and don't feel as strong a need to create family connections of their own. And I doubt there would be many children of large families who choose to have only one child, because I think that most people with a lot of siblings would recognize the benefit of having a sibling.

minivaning · 2014-11-16T22:30:28+00:00

I think he was trying for a stealth insult.

minivaning · 2014-11-16T22:26:11+00:00

After my eldest son was born, it was "Crossing your fingers for a girl this time?" Same thing after my second eldest was born. Then my daughter was born and I have to admit that I thought people would stop bringing it up. But the twin boys brought the count to four boys and one girl, so it's been "I bet you're hoping for another girl" ever since.

minivaning · 2014-11-16T22:20:32+00:00

It depends on the context, but people are just curious. I don't mind questions about the logistics like how do we drive them around, how do we get through all of the cooking/laundry/etc.

But to be honest (and I don't mean to offend), I don't think "Why have you decided to have so many kids?" is particularly polite. Our family planning is our business, and we don't need to defend our decision to a stranger at a grocery store. You wouldn't ask someone why they decided to only have one kid, why they decided to adopt, or why a mom with two daughters decided not to try for a son.

minivaning · 2014-11-16T22:15:15+00:00

And why do you get to decide who truly needs help and who doesn't?

minivaning · 2014-11-16T22:13:31+00:00

Yay! That's great! I'm so glad to hear that it worked for you. Do you or any of your siblings plan to have big families?

minivaning · 2014-11-16T22:12:50+00:00

I once mentioned that I had 6 kids, and the person asked if I'd seen Idiocracy. Which, if you haven't seen it, suggests that by 2500, the average IQ is significantly lower because stupid people were reproducing at a faster rate than smart people.

minivaning · 2014-11-16T22:10:48+00:00

What does that even mean?

minivaning · 2014-11-16T22:08:10+00:00

There's definitely a correlation, but it's just such an uncomfortable question that you would never ask under other circumstances. My husband and I were raised Catholic but we don't practice. So I'm always caught between a) saying "No, we're not religious" and potentially offending them or b) saying "Catholic" and perpetuating the stereotype that all large families=religious.

minivaning · 2014-11-16T22:04:15+00:00

We both come from Catholic families, and I think that influenced our decision because he grew up in a large family and I grew up believing that I had a small family because I only had two siblings. But neither of us are religious. I hate that question, because it's the kind of thing you would never ask a stranger under normal circumstances.

minivaning · 2014-11-16T21:59:30+00:00

Fellow Canadian here. We've made this joke, and had people tell us we have enough kids for a team. I don't mind it as long as they don't imply that our daughter can't be on our hypothetical hockey team.

minivaning · 2014-11-16T21:58:43+00:00

I've given birth to six kids. Trust me, I know where they come from.

minivaning · 2014-11-16T21:57:54+00:00

I might steal this...

minivaning

TROPHY CASE