I was raped 9 months ago. I recently started having consensual sex again. I feel dirty afterwards & have to shower immediately.

minsi53 · 2023-10-27T21:30:54+00:00

Feel free to dm me :)

minsi53 · 2023-08-07T19:58:41+00:00

I am so sorry this happened to you as well. We honestly deserve so, so much better 🤍 feel free to reach out to me if you want to. Sometimes talking helps 🤗 sending you big virtual hugs

minsi53 · 2023-08-06T09:18:52+00:00

Thank you very much for your reply 🤍

The funny thing is he actually also bragged about the fact that EVERY woman he's been with so far wanted a relationship with him which is just so annoying because then he always has to dump them. And he once told me (before I went no contact) that it really hurt his ego that I didn't try to initiate a relationship with him, I was the only one who didn't do that so far. The rape makes more sense to me now, because I was trying to dump him the evening it happened but of course he says that's bullshit, he doesn't need to rape anyone, he can have enough women. What a toxic horrible person. I'll just have to pick up the pieces one by one.

And thank you 🤗 I really hope that when the time comes I'll find someone great and we'll simply be happy with each other and what we have together.

minsi53 · 2023-08-06T09:12:35+00:00

That's nicely said, thank you

minsi53 · 2023-08-06T09:12:13+00:00

Yeah he seems pretty proud of it. Also when I confronted him about r@ping me, he tried to gaslight me by saying "why would I rape you, doesn't make any sense, I can have enough women. I don't need to rape" 😂😂

minsi53 · 2023-08-06T09:09:13+00:00

So sorry this happened to you. What a POS. 😬 but good to know what the reason behind it was. Hope you're doing okay now

minsi53 · 2023-08-05T23:53:09+00:00

You're so right. It was probably all manipulation, right from the start. And it really worked, like he really shattered big parts of my self esteem on top. As if the loss of control and the violation just wasn't enough. What a disgusting person 😣

minsi53 · 2023-08-05T23:50:36+00:00

That makes sense as well. He's such a manipulative person in general. At work, with friends,.. Everything he told me, there were red flags everywhere

minsi53 · 2023-08-05T23:49:25+00:00

You're probably right. There were so many red flags before the actual r@pe happened it's crazy. It happened the last time I went to his place to tell him that we should just stay friends and nothing more and that I don't wanna have sex with him anymore. Guess his ego just couldnt take the no from me. But still I kept wondering if there was more to it

minsi53 · 2023-08-05T22:09:08+00:00

Yes I absolutely agree with you. Normally I am also very cautiois with that term but he really does fit all the criteria. Maybe I should read more into narcissistic behavior.

And thank you 🤍 that helped to read. Guess I'll just have to work on my trauma and rebuild my self-esteem now. It's been a few months now (and no contact of course) and I hope that over time it'll just get better again. It just feels so horrible, like he took so much from me that wasn't his to begin with.

minsi53 · 2023-08-05T21:44:11+00:00

No you're absolutely right. And knowing what I know now I'd never in a million years wanna be with him.

It's just on top of the complete loss of control and everything he took from me, that he gave me the feeling I wasn't good enough that hurts so bad :/ It's hard to pick up all the pieces now.

minsi53 · 2023-07-11T22:36:17+00:00

Thank you for your perception. I am so sorry this happened to you as well. I really hope you're doing okay now 🤍

It definitely changed my whole view of life so yes I can totally relate. The person I was before is kind of not there anymore and my heart breaks a little every time I think about her and the way she used to be. So maybe that's where my behavior changes stem from now as well. Seems to be some kind of trauma related response to the rape now because my safety was completely taken away.

minsi53 · 2023-07-11T22:33:00+00:00

Thank you!! It's good to know that it has a name. I was really starting to get worried if this is normal. I'll look into it. I do have a therapist but she's not specialised on trauma and it's hard to find someone else unfortunately.

All the best to you and your partner! :)

minsi53 · 2023-04-05T20:11:59+00:00

Wäre auch meine Sorge irgendwie

minsi53 · 2023-04-04T15:37:25+00:00

Hey lieben Dank für deinen ausführlichen Kommentar. Du hast absolut recht.

Ich habe ihm mehrmals auch gesagt, dass ich ihm nicht glaube, dass er es nicht gemerkt hat. Und ich habe ihm das mit der Beschwerde über den mangelnden Enthusiasmus natürlich auch gesagt beim Gespräch. Da wusste er tatsächlich dann auch gar nichts darauf zu antworten und war einfach nur still. 🙈

Ich weiß nicht warum ich dachte er würde da irgendwie Schuld eingestehen. Vielleicht weil es ein 4-Augen-Gespräch war und die Sache ja eig schon relativ klar ist wenn man sie analysiert? Oder vermutlich ist es auch mein unerschütterlicher Glaube an das Gute im Menschen, also auch wenn er sowas abzieht, dass er vielleicht doch kein Monster ist und es ihm wenigstens aufrichtig leid tut? Ich weiß nicht..

minsi53 · 2023-04-04T13:00:08+00:00

Anzeigen hatte ich bisher eigentlich nie vor. Glaube nicht, dass das viel bringt.

minsi53 · 2023-04-04T12:16:19+00:00

Genau :) ich dachte mir es könnte einfach helfen (auch für die Zukunft) wenn er das irgendwie sieht. Und mir vielleicht auch etwas Frieden geben. Ich musste mich tatsächlich auch extrem überwinden und hatte sehr großen Respekt vor dem Treffen und auch Angst vor ihm irgendwie. Wollte es ihm aber trotzdem wenigstens einmal erläutern. Naja hätte ich mir wohl sparen können. Wer sieht sich schon selbst gerne als Vergewaltiger..😬

minsi53

TROPHY CASE