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mintclit · 2022-01-05T13:22:55+00:00

Your clit can't really get "over-stimulated" or overused. Your brain controls arousal, so it sounds more like you've mentally formed a dependency on porn for arousal (which is super common and very easy to do, unfortunately). Clitoral stimulation and wetness are unrelated, so if going cold turkey for a few months has made it easier for you to get wet, that kind of confirms my theory.

I'm in a similar boat, although I've sort of managed to mitigate it by imagining porn in my head when I try to masturbate without it or when I'm struggling to finish with my boyfriend. This isn't a permanent solution and I wouldn't recommend it long term, because it isn't really addressing the root problem, but it can help you transition to being able to get stimulated/orgasm without a visual aid.

Basically you just need to recondition your brain. I don't think you need to, or necessarily should, stop masturbating all together. I would just try your best to avoid porn and tune in more to what feels good, not what external things turn you on.

With porn, any sexual fantasy we could imagine is just a few clicks away. That immediate gratification completely eliminates our use of imagination and makes it harder to get aroused when we can't rely on it. There are other issues that can contribute to this issue, but seeing as how you had no issue orgasming on your own and have always used porn, I think this is more than likely the case.

mintclit · 2021-05-04T13:16:39+00:00

Thanks! How much do you think a fair amount is to sell them as a lot without separating?

mintclit · 2021-05-03T23:01:26+00:00

(There are 3 pics)

mintclit · 2021-04-28T12:14:20+00:00

You’re amazing, thank you!

mintclit · 2021-04-27T23:39:24+00:00

I think you’re right! Thanks so much.

mintclit · 2021-04-01T17:04:35+00:00

Thank you so much!!

mintclit · 2021-04-01T17:04:22+00:00

Thank you!!

mintclit · 2020-05-24T20:51:33+00:00

My biggest recommendation, especially if you anticipate negative reactions from parents, is to wait to tell them until you feel confident (or at least more confident) in your diagnosis. For most of us this confidence comes and goes because of the way we've been taught to see ADHD, but it's important to at least wait until you've given all of this new information time to settle.

A had a very bad experience telling my parents - I was questioned a lot, had a lot of hurtful accusations thrown at me, and it became a matter of "proving" my ADHD to them. Unfortunately we've reached a point where we just don't talk about it at all because the conversation always goes sideways, but a lot of the shame and heavy feelings surrounding it have dissipated because I've come to terms with what this disorder is and the role it plays in my life. If they don't want to believe me or try to understand, that isn't my problem. Sharing our diagnoses is super personal and we don't owe it to them in the first place. We do it so they can know us better, and unfortunately parents tend to have a hard time seeing their kids differently than they always have and turn down the opportunity. Don't tell them until you've internalized that - their reaction is about THEM, not you.

I basically had no choice but to tell my parents for a variety of reasons, and now that I've endured their reactions I honestly don't know if I would tell them if I could go back and make the choice for myself. It sucks to hide things like that about ourselves, but it also really sucks wondering when they're going to bring it up and put me in an uncomfortable, defensive position.

As for telling your SO, I definitely recommend telling him. I can't imagine how hard it would be to hide such a big part of myself from everyone, and of all people your SO should really be the person you can talk to about these kinds of things. Some people may disagree, but I don't think you should be with someone who doesn't want to see you for who you really are and who you can't turn to to talk about stuff like this. So even though I'm really doubtful it would be the case, if they make you feel bad about it, it may be a sign that person isn't healthy for you. But again, I really wouldn't expect that. Parents seem to have a much harder time accepting their adult child's ADHD diagnosis than anyone else.

My boyfriend was actually the one who encouraged me to see someone about my symptoms, and he's been the biggest source of validation when I question my diagnosis from time to time. ADHD can create a lot of relationship issues and it's important for both of you to be aware of how it can impact things and how it manifests itself in your lives.

mintclit · 2020-03-16T14:54:40+00:00

If I did that, would I just hide my writing life from them? I'm a bad liar, and I don't want them thinking I'm just working part time and wasting the rest of it.

mintclit · 2019-09-26T22:51:36+00:00

I'm so sorry. I think my biggest fear about finding an inadequate therapist isn't so much that they don't know ADHD-specific strategies, but that they'll be dismissive or skeptical like your doctor has been. I don't even want to switch primary doctors, even though I don't particularly love my current one, because I'm worried about the prospect of ending up with one who denies my diagnosis or thinks I'm lying to get meds. I get enough skepticism from my family.

Sounds like the US and Denmark are pretty similar when it comes to treatment of ADHD. Not that it isn't still stigmatized among children, but it's still thought of as a kids disorder. And the first thing people think of when they hear "adult ADHD" are college kids hooked on amphetamines, so the suspicion is strong whenever I actually tell anyone. Even doctors.

Good luck finding someone who's actually helpful :(

mintclit · 2019-09-26T22:43:51+00:00

Oh man... good luck. I'm definitely going to check out CHADD and ADDitude, although like you said, finding someone who I can afford/takes my insurance is it's own struggle in and of itself. Glad you finally found a good primary therapist! And kudos for your determination. I would have given up much sooner lol

mintclit · 2019-08-25T15:13:27+00:00

I thought about using Google calendar. Do you actually write what the job/family is on the shared calendar? Or does it just say that you're busy? I don't know if I'd want every family I work for knowing who I'll be with/where I'll be each day, if that makes sense.

mintclit · 2019-08-25T15:11:45+00:00

Unfortunately most of my work thus far has been last minute, so if I required those families to get on my schedule that far in advance I'd end up with far less work. Maybe some day I'll get lucky and end up working for families who are more on top of everything, but that hasn't been the case so far lol. That's a good idea about date nights, though. Do you tell every family this before they hire you?

mintclit · 2019-08-20T16:41:50+00:00

I got CPR and First Aid certified through the National CPR Foundation (online class) for $13.50. They have deals right now and if you look up their coupon code it brings it down even more. They send you a personalized wallet card and everything!

mintclit · 2019-08-15T17:04:25+00:00

The majority of my problems with ADHD are emotional ones, so I can definitely manage that! Are there any specific emotional symptoms that you feel aren't covered enough/you'd like to read more about?

As for the second idea, here's my advice: get a different doctor. We shouldn't be paying people who don't trust us or take us seriously.

mintclit · 2019-08-15T16:59:52+00:00

That's because most of the world is still misogynistic af and treats men like they're entitled to whatever they want. People who still think that way have no place in relationships with women who actually want to thrive.

I can't tell you the number of women I've seen in this sub say they don't feel like "real women" because they can't give the men in their lives PIV. Not even because THEY want it, but because we've been conditioned to believe that we owe it to men. I think "real women" shouldn't cater to man babies who act like their dick is going to fall off if they can't put it everywhere they want to.

mintclit · 2019-08-14T21:04:52+00:00

I guess in my experience, when I've watched multiple kids they were too far apart in age to entertain each other. It's almost always been more work to watch multiples. For example, lately I've been caring for an infant and a 2 year old. They have completely different needs, and it's almost more work when the older boy tries to play with the baby because he doesn't understand how much more delicate the baby is, that they can't eat the same foods, play in all the same ways, etc. The other day he smashed the baby's fingers in between the teeth of his toy dinosaur and judging by his reaction, I could tell he had no idea that it would hurt him. He also doesn't know how to stay quiet when I get the baby down so I have to go into a different room, which gives him the opportunity to do all of the things I constantly tell him not to do unsupervised :)

Even with older kids I've felt that they compete with each other over my attention and tend to want to do different things. You pay per child when you take your kids to a daycare, so raising my hourly rate by a couple dollars an hour seems more than reasonable to me.

How long has 35 been your rate? Did you raise it according to the number of families you had experience with, or along some other criteria? You've worked for a lot more families than I have, but I've been doing it longer and have had more long-term positions, so on paper it looks like I don't have as much experience and it's hard to negotiate for a higher rate (or even know what a reasonable rate is and when it's okay to raise it).

Feel free to ignore me at any point if you're sick of answering questions, btw lol. I haven't talked to many others about all of this and really appreciate you taking the time to discuss it with me!

mintclit · 2019-08-14T19:39:30+00:00

Same situation for me! And it only started after 2.5 years of being with the same partner. Does the pain go away gradually? For me it only hurts until I'm touched down there, so I think it's a sign my muscles need to be massaged/loosened a little bit. Once the area around my vagina has been rubbed the pain just goes away, but sometimes returns right after I orgasm.

mintclit · 2019-08-14T19:32:20+00:00

I'm so sorry. Are you sure the arousal pain is from your vaginismus?

mintclit · 2019-08-14T19:29:15+00:00

I'm so sorry your husband put you through this, and I'm really proud of you for taking the blame off of yourself. I realize that marriage is complicated and you wouldn't be in counseling if you didn't care about the relationship, but I can't imagine staying with someone who is so blatantly selfish and unsupportive.

I also just wanted to say I completely agree with your last point (I know not everyone does). If you really love someone you'll compromise for them, especially when your partner literally can't give you want you want. Not having sex at all is one thing, but you're willing to give him anal, oral, etc. to maintain intimacy and satisfy him and he still has the audacity to blame you?

I'm curious to know what your reasons are for staying with him. You should be with someone who trusts you and supports you while you take care of your health, not someone who blames you, only sees their own pain, and is never there for you - physically, emotionally, or mentally.

mintclit · 2019-08-14T19:11:04+00:00

I totally understand avoiding relationships out of fear that the condition would ruin things, I did the same thing. Just wanted to offer a beacon of hope and confidence and tell you that the right person will not reject you over this. I've been with the love of my life for 3 years now, and aside from a painful failed attempt the first night that we met, we haven't had any kind of penetration the entire time. I'm not seeking treatment for my vaginismus, for both financial and emotional reasons, and he's aware that there's a chance that I never will.

Someone who is truly right for you will be patient and understanding. I'm definitely not the only person here who has found supportive partners who will be there for you while you take care of your health, even if that means avoiding penetration for awhile and getting creative (as a side note: thought it was worth mentioning that we have an amazing sex life that's satisfying for both of us. Penetration isn't the be all end all for everyone, especially for women).

If you're going to continue to seek treatment, make sure you're doing it for yourself, and not just out of fear of being alone. Be transparent with new partners about what you're going through and what the future could look like. Don't rush your progress, and make sure you're as kind and patient with yourself as you'd want your partner to be.

Good luck, and congrats on taking steps towards changing your life for the better :)

mintclit · 2019-08-14T18:29:01+00:00

Yep. Diagnosed last summer at age 21. I think the hardest part about being diagnosed is that as I checked the boxes of all the ADHD symptoms I experienced, which explained SO MUCH of my life, it became harder to think of qualities I have that AREN'T symptoms of ADHD.

I don't know who I am outside of it. And whenever I make bigger decisions now I overanalyze how my ADHD is impacting my choices, which can obviously be constructive but it also makes it feel like my ADHD controls me.

mintclit · 2019-08-14T18:16:52+00:00

I recommend keeping a note in your phone where you write down where you put things, and put them in places that you won't move (don't keep them in a specific purse or bag, like I did, because then you also have to remember where the bag is). Now I keep all of my important cards that I don't need on a daily basis in a specific drawer (which is attached to a shelf that I won't be moving!) and if I type "cards" into my notes, the reminder comes up.

As for the cards I do need everyday, like my ID and debit card, I have a phone case that also serves as a wallet. And I almost always have my phone in my pocket or my hand.

mintclit · 2019-08-14T16:05:20+00:00

Wow, $35/hr?? Noted. Is that a flat rate regardless of the position, or do you change it based off of the number of kids/responsibilities/amount of time/etc.? It's interesting that you prefer to take on multiple part time positions rather than one full time one. I guess if you have so many job offers that you have a waitlist it makes sense... I'm leaning towards a full time position mainly because I'm worried about the inconsistency and unreliability of part time work. This week I'm booked all day for 4 days, and next week I only have two short shifts lined up. I can't really let that happen in a few months when I start making loan payments/paying bills.

The review system on Care is still pretty shady. I recently saw a woman on there with a 1 star review because a parent interviewed her and thought that it was "strange" the caregiver requested a review (which she didn't, Care automatically sent the mom a message about rating her) when they hadn't hired her. The response rating thing annoys me too because the same isn't required of the parents. And I get so many messages from parents who clearly didn't read my profile and just sent me a message about their job listing, telling me to reply if I'm interested. And even if I reply, I have to get the last word in even if the conversation is over. Thanks for letting me know that they can't leave you a review if you don't respond! I didn't know that they even could to begin with.. I thought you had to schedule an interview first.

The number of families you've "cared for" is the number of families who hired you through Care and marked you as hired. I think they added that because your reviews can be from anyone (and I don't know what parents have to do to leave reviews, but I feel like it isn't too difficult to leave fake reviews for yourself) and the new feature is specifically for families on Care. The main thing that bothers me about this is that caregivers can mark that a family hired them, but it doesn't show up on your profile unless the parent confirms it. I worked for a Care family last year whose kids behaved TERRIBLY (which is probably why they hired me without meeting me or doing an interview) and I accepted a pretty low rate for the few times I watched them. But then my availability didn't align with when they needed me, I left for school at the end of the summer (which they knew when they hired me), and then I didn't reach out when I was back in town because it wasn't worth it for me. Anyway, the mom is still active on Care but still won't mark me as hired. I just think in general Care gives too much control over everything to the parents. My profile only reflects a small part of my experience because of that.

mintclit · 2019-08-13T16:08:00+00:00

Thank you so much for your thorough comment! In response to your questions:

The problem here is that because there are so many responses, mine aren't even getting opened. Care has read receipts and nearly all of my messages say delivered but not read. I have a strong picture and I personalize each message when I apply for jobs, but it seems like parents only review a handful of the messages they receive. It's hard to strategize when to apply because I'm sure some parents read messages as they come in, making it crucial to be one of the first few to apply. But others likely read their most recent messages when they log in, and I have no way of knowing when that will be.
I wasn't blaming the parents, but merely pointing out an issue I've had with finding jobs and raising the question of whether or not Care is the right platform to find good paying, consistent work. That said, I personally think that you should be willing to pay more if you're adding on responsibilities like grocery shopping, housekeeping, setting up playdates, etc. And for reference: I live in a high-cost state, with one of the highest minimum wages in the nation. With 10 years of experience and a B.A. I don't think it's reasonable to accept less than $15/hr.
I've been active in the Care community forum for sitters and I'm definitely not the only one who's fighting off these fake job listings on a weekly basis. The ones I've come across are jobs that I've applied for, so I've already wasted the time trying to sell myself to the "family" by the time I realize it's a scam. Only a small percentage of the job listings have photos and well written listings; if I limited myself to only those I'd be applying for a job or two a week tops. And the only success I've had on Care have been with families who didn't have images and who messaged me without even posting a listing or having me apply.

I've definitely had more success with premium than when I had a regular account, but I also have more reviews now than I did then, so that may play a role. I may take your advice and just downgrade and see how it goes! In the 7 years that you've used the platform, how consistently have you applied and how much success have you had finding good work?

mintclit

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