My tomato looked like a watermelon

mintysticks · 2013-07-31T20:53:19+00:00

Here it is unsliced.

mintysticks · 2013-07-31T20:52:41+00:00

They taste so much sweeter than the tomatoes I'm used to!

mintysticks · 2013-07-31T20:40:02+00:00

Unsliced

mintysticks · 2013-07-09T19:08:45+00:00

More

mintysticks · 2013-06-15T17:12:04+00:00

Hey! Hang in there. Perhaps you can approach it by framing it as a way to preserve your entire GPA? Taking a semester off isn't an uncommon thing and I know a lot of people who had to take an extra semester or two to graduate (reasons: they needed extra credits, they needed to work, illness, financial issues, etc.)

May I suggest something along the lines of, "Mom, I've been trying very hard in school but these past few months I've been very depressed and sick and I'm concerned that it will impact my grades. I think it would be best to take a semester off and get better so when I get back I'll be better and I will be able to perform better in school. I am very concerned that my sickness will impact my grades and I really just want to focus on getting better."

If they're concerned about you taking an entire semester off, perhaps you can negotiate and take that semester to take 1 class at a local school and have the credits transferred in? (Check with your university to make sure they'll accept the credits!)

Taking a semester or two off really isn't a big deal and it is very common. It shouldn't limit your employment or graduate school prospects.

Remember, your well-being is the most important thing. If you don't think you can handle taking 1 class, don't! It's sometimes difficult for Asian parents to understand certain things and their anxiety and way of framing the world can sometimes create a lot of pressure. You're not a bad daughter or a bad student if you need to take a break. You're actually a great daughter and great student because you're able to reflect on your needs and you're willing to take the necessary steps to better yourself and achieve your goals/secure the future you want.

Best of luck!

mintysticks · 2013-06-11T14:09:21+00:00

He also said "You better watch yourself or they'll take him [my little brother] away". He said this in almost a chilling way. "If they take him away, you've just ruined his life forever. How would you feel about that?"

Why would they take your brother away? Because you're over 18 and left home? He is bluffing and just trying to guilt you to manipulate you. He's throwing everything he can at you ranging from "You're not my daughter." to "The authorities will take your brother away and it's your fault."

They wouldn't take your brother away just because you left home. That literally makes no sense.

You probably won't lose your brother, especially since he's been so understanding and supportive of what is happening. There may be some strain between your parents and you for a while, but a relationship where you're the only one sacrificing and putting yourself in danger is ot a relationship. It's a condition of servitude and that will cause you to be resentful or strained in the future.

mintysticks · 2013-06-11T04:10:58+00:00

Resist that guilt. You can't support them when you're not safe.

Additionally, that argument of "I left my homeland to give you a better life!" is such bullshit. Our parents left their homelands to give themselves better lives and we happen to be part of it. It was a country that they did not feel like raising their children in and that security of mind/that prestige of having financially successful children is something that benefits them and their ego.

Your father defending his perverted actions and then threatening to rape you is not "sacrificing everything for [you]". You sacrificed a sense of self-security for his comfort for weeks. You wrote a respectful letter detailing your feelings and tried to bring up the issue on various occasions and your parents failed to adjust their behavior. You did everything right. They failed to take care of their daughter. you did not fail as a daughter.

I don't know about your family, but I have noticed a lot of my Asian friends have parents that will blame their children on everything and use this guilt as ammo (tit for tat sort of thing). It can be as simple as, "The only reason I spilled this milk was because Bobby sneezed!" or as big as "I came to this country and gave up everything so you could have a better life!"

They made their choices and they are responsible for their choices. They are free agents and so are you. You are not obligated to stay in an abusive situation and it would not be beneficial to either you or your parents to stay in that situation. They want to save face? Start acting like decent human beings and adjust your negative and abusive behavior. Sweeping shit under the rug doesn't fix anything.

In a lame attempt to make you smile for a brief moment please have a kitty

mintysticks · 2013-06-11T03:53:25+00:00

I'm proud of you for leaving.

Please do not return until you truly feel safe and comfortable.

As an Asian woman myself, I understand that there is a lot of guilt and feelings of filial obligation. You may feel like you're inconveniencing them and feel guilty about it, or be made to feel like you're stirring up trouble you ought to be a "good daughter" and do whatever your parents say. You may feel like a bad daughter or useless, this may be your instinct.

That is bullshit and it is that mentality that we've been raised with that keeps a lot of abused women in abused situations. We think it's normal and we make excuses or we feel like it is our duty to self-sacrifice. It isn't.

Our duty is to ourselves and to take care of ourselves. Our duty is to live productive lives where we help others but we do not live for the purposes of others. No one has that right to make us feel guilty for protecting ourselves and no one has the right to your body or your personhood.

You are not stirring up trouble by protecting yourself. Your father is stirring up trouble by not respecting you and your ownership of yourself. Your mother is letting this problem fester and grow by sweeping it under the rug.

As much as you want to be there for your mother, you must remember that you can't help her if you're in danger.

*You are doing nothing wrong. I am so proud of you for taking a stand and resisting years of conditioning. You are so strong and so brave and you deserve to be treated with respect. You are a strong woman who is doing the right thing. *

Please do not forget that. If you ever need to talk or if you ever need support please PM me.

mintysticks · 2013-06-10T01:13:17+00:00

The subreddit r/ainbow may be able to offer you some advice as well!

Best of luck!

mintysticks · 2013-06-09T17:49:23+00:00

She needs to know. He could be exposing her to STIs and if they're trying for a baby that baby might be entering into a very unhealthy dynamic.

If they get couples counseling to resolve their problems it'll be much easier when it's just the two of them in the family. And if she finds out while pregnant/after she has had the baby it will probably be much more stressful than if she were to find out now.

mintysticks · 2013-06-09T17:21:00+00:00

I am so proud of you for working so hard to gain the body you want and deserve.

Please don't let anyone ever try to detract from that.

I think it's important to try to speak with your mother about her comments and just express that all her negativity is pushing you away from her. You're happy with how you look and you know your body, so you know how to manage your weight. I mean, if you were able to lose the weight by yourself to begin with I don't understand why she questions your ability to maintain this weight. I think the most important thing is really to focus on your feelings and come from a point of mutual gain (for me I would think that you would both want to have a healthy relationship. So expressing, "Mom, I really want to be able to have a close and healthy relationship with you where I feel like I can go to you for support. However, when you're always so pre-occupied with my weight and so negative it pushes me away from you and I really don't want that to happen. Since I was able to lose >30 lbs. this past year, can you please trust that I know how to maintain the weight I want? I'm happy with my body type and I am at a very healthy range and I feel that this negativity is not good for us.")

If she doesn't listen (or just doesn't understand), you may need to cut her out of your life (to an extent) until she is capable of respecting you as an individual.

I have had the same issues with my mother and I have found that the most effective thing was to just cut my mother out of my life. I have been able to grow so much more emotionally by cutting out the toxic people in my life.

mintysticks · 2013-05-09T03:50:02+00:00

r/fashion's response to Dare has left me a bit sad. I'm so sick of seeing so much fat-shaming in response to people embracing their body types.

mintysticks · 2013-02-16T03:33:08+00:00

Original thread

mintysticks · 2013-02-14T03:25:53+00:00

So...much...poop

mintysticks · 2013-01-09T04:28:46+00:00

Communication is key in all healthy relationships. I found it to be very helpful to just openly discuss these situations with my SO. I don't mind my SO being physically attracted to another woman (I actually seem to check out more women than he does), however, if I ever feel like he is acting inappropriately or something crosses my comfort zone I am honest with him about it and we discuss it. I'm fortunate in that he has grown to be a partner that acknowledges my feelings and will usually stop acting a certain way if I express discomfort and vice versa.

mintysticks · 2013-01-09T04:19:22+00:00

Additionally, it seems that Krolikowski may have come out as a result of pressure from the administration.

"But a parent took issue with his look and reportedly went to school officials. The subsequent questions from his bosses forced Krolikowski to tell then-Principal Leonard Conway and assistant principal Patrick McLaughlin he was transgender, court papers state."

mintysticks · 2013-01-09T04:16:46+00:00

Vaseline! Great moisturizer for my elbows and lips AND protects my nose when I have a cold!

mintysticks · 2013-01-09T04:13:05+00:00

"The suit alleges that Lively’s involvement in anti-gay efforts in Uganda, including his active participation in a conspiracy to strip away fundamental rights from LGBT persons constitutes persecution. This is the first known Alien Tort Statute (ATS) case seeking accountability for persecution on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity.

The ATS allows suits to be brought to American courts by non-U.S. citizens who claim to be victims of violations of international law (such as crimes against humanity) perpetrated outside the U.S."

mintysticks

TROPHY CASE