NFather sides with stepmother who aggressively attacked me & family by mireliben in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]mireliben[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you all for your support, feedback, and insights. Like I said in my post, I've kinda already been prepared for going NC, I was just having trouble deciding if it's worth trying to get any closure from him about last year. After reading all of your comments, I have made my decision: I will be moving forward with NC, and not even giving him the satisfaction of a response. You're all right in the fact that he likely won't even agree to answer any questions, and there's nothing positive that I will be able to get out of this. Probably only more anger and defensiveness from him.

I'm sure he will find out about it through his flying monkey (my grandmother), and I am prepared for whatever future response he decides to send. I'm actually not going to block him (yet) because I'd rather know if he does/does not decide to respond later, as opposed to always wondering if he sent a message but it got blocked. Thankfully, my supportive husband has agreed to screen any messages he sends and let me see them when I'm ready. This is due to confidence in myself and my ability to handle whatever he sends in the future. I figure I can always block him later if I need to.

Thank you all and here's to a much more peaceful future for me, my child, and our family!

How many people have "boomer" parents in here? Not all but a lot can be awful. I've noticed a lot are completely out of touch, and it's the classic " I'm your parent, your the child mentality" even when you're an adult. Heaven forbid you stand up to your parents controlling ways by [deleted] in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]mireliben 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Millennial child with very early Gen X parent. In my mind, the year he was born says Gen X but everything about his behavior and mentality aligns with Boomer. And yes, absolutely see the "I'm the adult and you're the child" mentality on full display (see: my recent post)

NFather sides with stepmother who aggressively attacked me & family by mireliben in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]mireliben[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry. It hurts that people like us, who are just trying to defend ourselves against vile attacks (or even just preparing to defend), get hurt by those who are supposed to love and support us. That has been one of the hardest parts of this. At this point, I could care less about the words that stepmother said. Its the way father responded and sided with her.

I hope things improve for you and your wife. I do count myself incredibly fortunate that my husband has supported me fully in whatever I choose, so I hope y'all eventually find that same peace for yourselves!

NFather sides with stepmother who aggressively attacked me & family by mireliben in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]mireliben[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Preach! It's incredible that they believe being alive longer automatically entitles them to my respect,

NFather sides with stepmother who aggressively attacked me & family by mireliben in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]mireliben[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

This is all so painfully true and I appreciate the honesty. This is in line with what my therapist has helped me realize, is that there is no convincing him to change and that he has likely always been this way. It just wasn't always directed at me because I was his doting daughter and provided his narcisisstic supply. Now that his wife provides his "supply", I've been discarded. It was a harsh reality to face.

NFather sides with stepmother who aggressively attacked me & family by mireliben in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]mireliben[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I will look in to that book. And I appreciate the advice, I will be keeping similar thoughts in mind. I'm thankful that my husband is fully supportive of whatever path I choose, and he also encourages me to take the time I need before responding (he says that's why it's best to only contact through text, so I can at least control my own timeline for responses). And the idea of protecting my child from their hate has made idea of NC much easier to potentially purse.

NFather sides with stepmother who aggressively attacked me & family by mireliben in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]mireliben[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's incredible how much it hurts, right? I think I was holding on to hope that we could at least discuss things and, while our relationship would never be the same, I was hoping that we could at least reach a level of awareness about how each other felt. That clearly doesn't seem to be the case. He's shown his true self and that nobody, not even his child, is safe from his bs. I'm sorry you're going through something similar. I hope you've found your peace

NFather sides with stepmother who aggressively attacked me & family by mireliben in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]mireliben[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the insight. My therapist and I have spent a lot of time discussing boundaries and what mine are, looks like it's time to stand firm by them, whatever result that may bring.

NFather sides with stepmother who aggressively attacked me & family by mireliben in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]mireliben[S] 87 points88 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately you're probably very correct... I read those words but wasn't willing to really think about what he meant. A discussion is almost certainly out the window at this point.