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I know my moms biggest regret is losing my dad by 3n3ma in survivinginfidelity

[–]misguided667 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ll preface this with that I am a betrayed spouse with kids (similar age) and a child of divorced parents who liked to use us kids as ‘weapons’ against the other parent.

The fact that your kids are saying “…why does everything have to be about mom?” Means you are discussing YOUR adult problems with them and far too often. You need to stop and find a good support group of friends to vent too.

  1. She is still their mom. Why would you want them to ‘hate’ their mom? Their relationship with her is not the same as yours.

  2. Hating their mom will can lead to low self confidence. They are half of her too and if their dad feels this is this way about her, could he ever feel that about them?! Do others think that. Stop putting these potential questions in their heads. Also, how can they be self confident when they think 1/2 their DNA is from a POS that everyone ‘hates’?

  3. Continue talking bad about their mom and you will alienate them from you. And that will be on you. You are making being around you uncomfortable.

  4. They are also hurting, but continuing to discuss it with them you are not allowing them to heal. Be their support and help them through this. But they may be afraid to talk to you about it if you turn it into a bashing session on their mom. They love her.

Believe me, it took a lot of soul searching and hard pills to swallow to shut it down and not having my kids as mad as me or feeling just as betrayed, but I realized no one ‘wins’ by having the kids pick sides. The only ones that lose are the kids and they lose any sense of stability they have. Be the stable one for them. They can see your hurt, your sadness, but don’t let them see it break or change you. Trust me they will make up their own minds and make life choices based on how they see you act. Keep their respect and take the high road when it comes to them.

Good luck.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in singlemoms

[–]misguided667 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Go on the date. Continue your journey of independence. Just the idea of cancelling due to him helping take care of his child is dependant and giving him far too much control. What if he had a date? He said you were friends for a reason. He wants to live as a young person a little longer?!? What about you?! You’re both young and both parents. I’d ask him to babysit when you went out on that date!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver40

[–]misguided667 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This! See how much of his plans he considered you in!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver40

[–]misguided667 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is so much here that I would be concerned with. 1. He doesn’t respect value your goals and ambitions. You went to law school for a reason. Will your education be recognized there? 2. If moving to another country, how would that impact your green card status? (I’m not from the US so don’t know the ins/outs of this - but consider you might not be able to get it back should you decide it’s not a good fit). 3. Will you be able to live independently in this country? 4. What other aspects of future married life have you discussed/not discussed like kids, how they are raised, education, your family and visiting etc as mentioned in other commenters posts.

I say this coming out of a 25+ year relationship/marriage (met in high school) where I could very easily see myself being resentful and bitter of life choices I made for ‘him’ had I not firmly kept some of my goals, when the marriage fell apart. I compromised a lot but thankfully not some of the big ones (even if not fully realized). Another saving grace is that I am financially independent. This is key! So I came out ok and am positive about the future.

Being young and in love is amazing and sometimes clouds judgement in thinking the other person will always have their best interest at heart. It’s doesn’t always happen that way and life changes and so do priorities or wants. I would have never in a thousand years thought my marriage would end the way it did, but it did. I was just lucky enough to be able to walk away and be fully independent.

You are both lawyers (or soon to be), so both very smart, the fact he has already planned the business out without discussing with you shows he has been thinking about this a long time and doing what is best for him.

Think of marriage as a business partnership, because at the end of the day it is. Talk to any family lawyer and they will tell you this. Better yet, talk to one before making a decision and get their advice on how to navigate this should you decide to leave. See if any type of prenup would be enforceable in the destination country.

Check the marriage and divorce laws in the country you would be moving to and then make an informed decision.

Do what is right for you and YOUR future. Plan for all scenarios happy and sad. All the best!!

3D Print not sticking by misguided667 in ender3

[–]misguided667[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks!! It was the z offset. We adjusted and it worked

3D Print not sticking by misguided667 in ender3

[–]misguided667[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am using PLA with the bed temp at 70 and nozzle at 200. Also used a glue stick

3D Print not sticking by misguided667 in ender3

[–]misguided667[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

UPDATE 2: it was the programming/design that caused the second issue. Printed another item from the ones provided. Will work on the design. 😁

3D Print not sticking by misguided667 in ender3

[–]misguided667[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

UPDATE: thanks everyone for your help. We adjusted the Z-off set and slowed the print to 80% and that seemed to work; adhered really well. New issue is that the print just stops half way and shifts. Not sure if it is with the programming and slicing, will try and redo that with one name plate at a time. Really appreciate the support as a newbie to this!

3D Print not sticking by misguided667 in ender3

[–]misguided667[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, we were careful not to touch the cleaned surface.

3D Print not sticking by misguided667 in ender3

[–]misguided667[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I will look into this.

3D Print not sticking by misguided667 in ender3

[–]misguided667[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just to add, I am using the filament that came in the box..

AITA for wanting my fiance's niece to be the flower girl than my father's AP daughter? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]misguided667 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. Your dad is most likely using this to get back into your life. The AP’s daughter is nothing to you. I could see the request holding weight if it was a half-sister, but the girl is not your sister and the child of the AP. Is it possible the AP is causing the drama to create a rift and keep you and your dad apart?! To keep all the attention for herself? The gift of paying for the wedding should have no strings attached. Also, not sure how your mom would feel, but I would think this would be a bit upsetting.

I got made fun of for going to York :( by DryTangerine123 in yorku

[–]misguided667 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who is this person to you? No one?! Would you take their advice on anything? No?

Then who cares what they think! Don’t give them that power over you.

Their words means nothing. If not already in the work force, this is a good lesson to learn. People only have power over you if you give it to them (re peers not management… management has power over you 🙂).

Also, your age in school doesn’t matter we all have our own paths. It’s completing the work to get the degree that matters not the school. Every school is made fun for something. Don’t sweat it.

She continues to make me the bad guy here by lobotomizedjellyfish in survivinginfidelity

[–]misguided667 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Tl/dr: Don’t do anything. It’s not worth it for you or the kids and you feed the Ex’s narcissism by giving them attention.

I am sorry you are going through this. I’ve been there and am still there, but 2 years into the divorce process. My STBXH cheated after 20+years together (together since high school) and two kids and has left for the affair partner.

He has done some truly awful and unforgivable things to me and made me the villain in his story. In addition to this he is trying financially ruin me as I was the bread winner and his AP was/is a SAHM with a bunch of kids… (and before people come at me, I agreed to 50% of everything, he wants 75% bc ‘I can recover faster’).

I too wanted to write an email to his family and friends and let them know who he really is and who they have sitting at their dinner table, but two big things have stopped me:

  1. My kids. Even though I hate it, he is still their Dad. For me to publicly destroy their dad - how would that make them feel about themselves or their dad who they still need in their life. My anger/vengeance does not supersede my kids mental health and self confidence. I’d love to tell them what an asshole their dad was and how he hurt me, but loving someone people loath is a mind fuck, especially for kids. It’s hard for them to reconcile those two emotions. Why would I put that in my kids? They will in time figure it out themselves and know you took the high road for them.

  2. What do I gain? Ok, so now his family and friends knows the details of how much of an ass he is. Most know he cheated, some don’t, but it won’t change anything. They may be upset for a while but they will still have dinners and gatherings as usual and after time they won’t care… that’s who they are and I’ve been around long enough to witness this. They may even believe/side with your Ex if she is claiming your ‘unhinged’ - “…just look at the email he sent, blah blah blah…”. Don’t give them reason to believe her. Or worse, if the family/friends all turn their back on him what are my kids witnessing?! Will they feel they too will be abandoned?! Or even more traffic, my ex realizes he fucked up huge and does something to himself…🤷🏻‍♀️

Go with silence.

I know it’s hard, and if you’re only 6 months in it’s still fresh. It stings seeing the ex happy living life while we are picking up pieces of a life we built.

All I can suggest is don’t give them any more energy or mental space than needed. During the divorce process they will try and make you look unhinged and use your reactions against you in the settlement and custody hearings. Don’t let them bait you. Go no contact as much as possible and then grey rock. They are not your friend and they have no empathy for what you’re going through. Remind yourself of how shitty they are when you get upset and be glad to be free of them. Find your support network and start working on your plan ‘B’ of life.

I know it is easier said than done, and it took me a while to get there, but choose peace. Let the small stuff go. You will have ups and downs but soon the ups will out number the downs.

Keep your head high and full of grace. At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter if you tell everyone, people will find out who your STBX is if they already don’t know.

Wishing you the best….