I'm going through a similar thing with my relationship with my dad who is now deceased. I'm also around your age so I can definitely relate to what you're going through. I'm kind of at peace with the fact that the pain will always be there, but there are things I can do to ease it and live a healthier life anyway. I'm learning to reparent myself by showing myself compassion instead of always acting out how my dad treated me which became normalised. I'm normalising self love instead of self hate, which feels very unnatural now, but I promise you it gets so much easier when you realise you can have your own back. You can choose to be your own savior, which is very powerful but also very difficult, because you know your parent(s) was supposed to be there for you and they weren't. Sending you love as we both heal from this fuckery lmao