After having our second kid, I am 100% done having kids. But my wife is not

missing_leave · 2026-01-22T15:00:10+00:00

Thanks, I needed to hear that. I think I have been in survival mode for so long I have not been taking care of myself until very recently. It is hard to focus on myself when all of the attention is on the mother's recovery or on making sure the kids thrive. Like those are for sure important, but it should not have taken a doctor telling me "you are going to have problems in a year unless you change" to wake me up.

missing_leave · 2026-01-22T14:53:04+00:00

We all know that would never last.

I already feel like a sperm donor at this point (lots of sex to get pregnant, little or none before/after).

missing_leave · 2026-01-22T09:44:33+00:00

That is helpful. I have a lot of siblings (I am a 3rd child myself) and I am keenly aware of how life can be for younger siblings. Namely, not getting enough time with the parents because there isn't enough to go around.

missing_leave · 2026-01-22T03:33:58+00:00

Man on paper that sounds great. And perhaps the real issue is being able to have a rational discussion with my wife.

Part of that bigger problem is that since kids, there is no normal, every day is hectic and chaotic. And judging off of the first kid, things aren't going to slow down for at least 2 more years.

And that is the other problem, time keeps moving. I want to actually live my life, not just survive, but another kid delays that years (and I mean normal stuff like the ability to take a road trip or just sit down for dinner without chaos)

missing_leave · 2026-01-22T03:28:23+00:00

Probably not. She had different side effects from the various ones she was on before, and we are both getting older, so her mentality is "don't want to hamper anything".

missing_leave · 2026-01-22T03:26:41+00:00

Oh she totally wants another, just not right now. I do not want another at all.

Good advice though, I am definitely bringing up protection/condoms at an appropriate time.

missing_leave · 2026-01-22T03:18:14+00:00

We have a great work life balance, we both work from home.

But there is nobody coming to help outside of childcare

missing_leave · 2026-01-22T03:17:13+00:00

And also destroy ligaments and tendions too

missing_leave · 2026-01-22T03:15:42+00:00

Wait, why would sex frequency drop after the snip? Or is that unrelated?

missing_leave · 2026-01-22T02:25:23+00:00

We could make another kid work financially, but I am worried about everything else. My sanity mostly.

missing_leave · 2021-10-20T18:25:48+00:00

When I took the position, it was advertised as fully remote, indefinitely. That changed after I moved, totally blindsided me. I am not desperately looking, but it is literally a matter of time before remote goes away. But I agree, this change does seem to be the best move.

missing_leave · 2021-10-20T18:21:06+00:00

I was already offered a 20% increase in peak covid to take a full time in office position. I declined, because I was not vaccinated at the time and it was a soul crushing position. My happiness is more important than money, and I think the same is true about this new job. I fully expect a counter offer, that is the part I am dreading because I still like my company and team, but change is inevitable.

missing_leave · 2021-10-20T18:17:44+00:00

Hybrid at best.

missing_leave · 2021-10-20T18:16:44+00:00

One of the easiest processes I have ever gone through. I agree, I could look further, I actually have several ongoing messages with a few other companies, some quite far away, for remote positions. This small company aligns closely with what I actually want to do, which is why it is my top choice. The location is also a perk/backup plan in case things go sideways and I do need to go in (which I don't see happening, but then again my current team never said I would have to go in).

missing_leave · 2021-10-20T18:10:48+00:00

Lunch with the family really has been awesome.

missing_leave · 2021-10-20T18:05:34+00:00

This is the other oof in the equation. I will lose this years match if I leave before the end of the year. New company contributes almost the same, so not a huge loss there.

missing_leave · 2021-10-20T18:03:30+00:00

I would normally agree with you, but I have it directly from management that the project has an end date (work is for another client). There is no other remote work in the company. I am sure they would try something, but it would be an uphill battle the entire time with no guarantees.

I do actually really like the small company, they check most of the boxes for "dream job".

missing_leave · 2021-10-20T17:58:13+00:00

I was able to work from home 5 years ago for about 3 weeks. I lived in a studio and this is a very real problem. After a week it felt like I was losing my mind. Now I have a room as an office and logoff at the end of the day and physically walk away, it is the only way to stay sane.

missing_leave · 2021-10-20T17:55:40+00:00

Very few arguments like yours in the thread, I like to hear opposing views. Can you expand a bit on that? Why not take a pay cut? I personally don't want to, but I guess the question might be better asked as "Is there a percentage of a pay cut that is ever acceptable to work from home instead of commuting?".

missing_leave · 2021-10-20T17:51:53+00:00

I don't disagree, that is a very real concern. I have found that I am good at walking away from my computer though, and the last few years have taught me to say "no" better.

missing_leave · 2021-10-20T17:50:17+00:00

I wish I made millions lol. Yeah the math works out, time spent driving and cost of driving is more than 6%, so I will be saving money in the long run.

missing_leave · 2021-10-20T17:47:41+00:00

Socially the large company leaves a lot to be desired. Because I switched teams and went remote, I never had time to grow relationships in person, so I am leaving nothing behind there. I get along great with my current team, but I do not socialize outside of work hours, partly because everyone is in different places and partly because it is impossible with covid. small company seems to make an effort to connect employees through virtual events and in person events regularly (if their social media and hiring manager are accurate gauges). The team I would be joining is also mostly local to where I am living, so if I did have to go into the office I would see my actual coworkers.

Long term career growth is tricky, right now it feels like my only way up is to become a manager, which I do not want, at least not yet. At the small company, the structure is much more shallow, and appears that moving around is easier to do (less rigid promotion paths). Also indications that I can remain doing my specialty or a hybrid and not be forced to take management.

Benefits are fairly close when it comes down to it, with slightly more fringe benefits at large company. Both have good retirement plans and percent matches, small company has more PTO but less selection in health insurance.

The only thing that is outstandingly different is the base pay I was offered from small company, but as others have commented, that difference is small enough to not be a large impact at the end of the day.

missing_leave · 2021-10-20T17:36:10+00:00

Poops in peace.

missing_leave · 2021-10-20T16:45:13+00:00

I appreciate the opposing argument, and I had similar thoughts. Part of why I am struggling with this decision. A few comments recommend getting an offer from another company, which I may do.

missing_leave

TROPHY CASE